All's Fair in Love and Football
by nimthriel
Summary: College-Verse- Dean is an underachieving starting tight-end with more brawn than brains. Castiel Novak is a grade-A geek with a goofy trench coat. When Dean's coach threatens to remove him from the team, Castiel is called in to tutor him. As an unlikely friendship forms, will they be left wanting more?
1. Welcome to the team, we suck

**All's Fair in Love and Football**

**College-verse- Dean is a first string tight-end for the one and only Kansas Jayhawks, he's well known on and off the field, but lately, he's been having issues at school. His grades are far from perfect and his prowess on the field can only carry him through school so far. His coach and advisors at school have the perfect tutor for him. Castiel Novak, a grade-A geek in a goofy trench coat makes Dean want to cringe but as an unlikely friendship forms, could Dean find himself wanting more?**

**AN: Okay, fair warning, there are a bunch of OC's in this chapter. They won't really play a part in the story and they're mainly centered on the football team, which won't really have much to do with the story until much later and then they're still only a very small part. Obviously, the story had to be set up or I probably wouldn't have written them in at all. **

**Chapter One- Welcome to the team, we suck**

"The Hawks have had a disappointing season so far Jim, but with the injury on tight-end Cory Schleb, they may have some hope of recovery in the Lawrence native Dean Winchester. He comes from a very impressive background in football with two national championships at the High school level under his belt and the 22-year-old currently holds the record for most yards covered in a single game."

"That's right Don, but let's not forget that Mr. Winchester very nearly single handedly pulled the Lawrence High Lions to victory in last year's Championship game, scoring an impressive 10 out of their 13 touch downs."

"Very impressive indeed. It's going to be interesting to see what he can bring to this powerful team this year."

"It will Don. Playing ball at the college level is almost an entirely different game than playing at the high school level, but I think Winchester shows a lot of promise on the field. I was lucky enough to be invited to the first practice with the young Winchester and-"

Dean flicked the radio off with a sigh. Someone clapped him on the back and he turned to see Jordan Banks, a wide-receiver smiling toothily at him.

"Don't psych yourself out Winchester. They don't really mean that shit. They know we suck."

"Way to raise team moral Jord." The QB Mike Rollings laughed throwing a towel in Jordan's laughing face.

"I don't know why coach plays that in here anyway. Fucking annoying." Jordan said tossing Dean his helmet. Dean tugged up a smile though he felt like puking and put on his helmet, meeting the team in the middle for the customary pre-game huddle. He felt Jordan's arm come around him as he leaned in and looked over to smile at his friend. It felt good to finally be a part of this elite inner-circle after being out on the sidelines for so long. His confidence boosted and his smile grew.

"Let's fuck their shit up!" Mike yelled and various shouts of "Go Hawks!" and, "Fuck yeah!" chorused through the locker room and the second strings and freshmen stood back to let the starters pass. Dean flashed a cocky grin at them all before following Jordan out on to the field where he was greeted with a roar of approval and excitement from the crimson and blue clad fans. Dean would never tell anyone that in that moment, his eyes misted and it became hard to see.

* * *

"Winchester! My office, now!" Dean looked up from lacing his sneakers to see coach Robins' face leering at him from the doorway of his glass paneled office.

"Oh shit Winchester. This must be about the catch you almost missed." Jordan laughed and Mike chimed in with a witty, "I'm sure Robins can teach you how to catch." The two fell against the lockers laughing but Dean barely smirked as he tossed his sweaty shirt into his locker. Dean felt Jordan smack his ass as the two collected their bags and made for the door.

"Don't worry Winchester; you didn't choke nearly as much as we thought you would." Mike said and Dean clipped him with the edge of his wound up towel.

"Asshole!" he said with a smile.

"Winchester!" Robins called again, "Not a request!" Dean's smile faded and Mike and Jordan left him with a salute and a warning not to drop the soap. Dean watched them leave with apprehension before schlepping his bag and slowly making his way to Robins' office.

"Coach?" he inquired from the doorway. Robins looked up and gestured for Dean to sit. Dean nervously sat as Robins leaned his elbows on his desk, staring hard at Dean.

"Well done out there tonight Winchester."

"Thank you coach." Dean accepted the compliment but wondered where this conversation was heading. He remembered Jordan's parting comment about the soap and had to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep from visibly flinching.

"I wanted to save this discussion for after the game because it is a bit upsetting and I would hate to throw you off your game, so to speak." Dean's palms began to sweat as he watched his coach turn towards his computer and bring up a white screen with black writing and yellow and pink blocks. Dean tried to keep his eyes off of it. "This is a copy of your current transcript as it stands today. It is somewhat, less than satisfactory."

"Coach?" Dean probed for more information and Robins sighed.

"Dean, you are an exceptional ball player, but your academics are more than lacking. We have turned a blind-eye to it because you weren't a starting player, but as you are now a full member of this team, it becomes a real possibility that your playing privileges will be revoked if improvement is not made. Now you know the alumni want to see a 'W' as much as we do and you're leading us to that, but it can only take you so far." Dean nodded.

"What do I have to do?" Dean questioned, willing to do what it takes to remain on the team.

"Well," Robins pulled out a blue sheet of paper from a stack in front of him and handed it to Dean. "The advisor who agreed to make you his priority is recommending a tutor. He has contacted one of the Honor students to cover you in class."

"Castiel Novak?" he voiced and Robins nodded his head.

"First on Dean's Crimson list I believe and Vice-Chair for the student board in Delta Chi Fraternity."

"Delta Chi? The geek frat-" Dean paused when Robins glared.

"Not many people get this sort of chance Dean. You should embrace it and be grateful that you have so many willing to bend over backward for you. Remember, while you may think you are an irreplaceable asset to the team, keep in mind that that is exactly what Cory Schleb thought too." Dean's mouth went dry and he nodded. "Good." Robins said tone unmistakably lighter, "You will meet with Mr. Novak after Freshman economics tomorrow. You have leave to miss practice for the day. I expect you to be able to come up with a schedule that will be able to fit in both. You will present this schedule to me when you return to practice Monday evening. Dismissed."

"Thank you coach." Robins nodded after him and Dean pulled his bag onto his shoulder, trying not to think about how much this semester was going to suck.

* * *

Needless to say, Dean had a bit of trouble finding the library. He knew it was on Jayhawk Boulevard, but it took him driving slowly down the street, twice, before he found it nestled between Fraser Hall and the School of Journalism. He sighed before entering; feeling as if some sort of record had been shattered. Three years of college and he had not once set foot in any library KU had to offer. He failed to see that the irony was in the fact that he hadn't set foot in a library and now he was in this position. He walked up to the help desk with a confident smile on his face. The girl behind the desk shifted in her chair and smiled politely at him.

"How may I help you?" Dean leaned against the desk and flashed her a smoldering look. He couldn't help it, flirting was his go-to personality and she had great tits.

"Hi, my name is Dean and I'm looking for Castiel Novak. He was supposed to check-in when he arrived."

"Oh sure," she said and pointed off to the right where numerous tables were set up with computers and piled high with thick books. Dean couldn't suppress the groan. "He's there, black hair…bent over the Mac…" she pointed and Dean looked through the glass at his would-be tutor. His smiled faded and he resigned himself to the next two hours of torture. _It's for the team_; he would tell himself when the injustice of it all threatened to overwhelm him.

"Thanks." He said putting on a brave face and he could practically see her melt. Any other time he'd say _fuck it, _and fuck her instead, but he needed to stay on the team and, as unfortunate as it was, pussy was not going to make that happen for him. So, Dean breathed deeply and entered the open study area. "You Cas?" he asked and a bespectacled face looked up at him, annoyance written clearly over his features.

"I am Castiel Novak." He said pointedly but Dean ignored him and stuck out his hand for Castiel to shake.

"Nice to meet you Cas. I'm Dean." Castiel gripped the tips of Dean's fingers lightly and shook slightly before dropping his hand.

"I'm aware." He replied back and pushed his computer out of the way as Dean fwumped into the chair across from him. Dean watched as Castile's accusing glare raked over him and he grew uncomfortable under the searching stare. "Did you bring any supplies with you? Paper? Pen?" Castiel paused like he was an idiot for even asking but, "…Books?" Dean scratched the back of his neck and looked at Castiel apologetically. "Great." He voiced and them to himself, "This letter of recommendation better be worth it."

"Sorry?" Dean inquired and Castiel turned away from him, reaching for his messenger bag on the floor.

"Nothing." He dismissed, "You can borrow supplies from me today. I expect you to have your own next time." He commanded and Dean felt properly ashamed. He sat nervously picking at a snag in his jeans as Castiel dug through his bag.

"So," Dean began when the silence became too much, "Do we have any classes together?" He inquired in attempt at making polite conversation and he was surprised when the other scoffed at him. He handed Dean a pen with an expression of 'duh' written on his face.

"Hardly," he quirked an eyebrow, "I have honors. You're a junior who barely breaks the 200 class mark."

"200?" Dean ventured, immediately wishing he hadn't. The other boy looked close to laughing.

"Class levels?" he asked gauging Dean's comprehension. Dean shrugged and the boy sighed, "Every class has a number at the end of it signifying something like a difficulty level. You should be taking classes in the 300 to 400 range based on your year in school, major, etcetera." Castiel flicked an impatient hand, "But you," he glanced down at Dean's class list, "Have only freshman courses and an elective anthropology course. Seriously?" he looked back up at Dean in disbelief, "Did you even look at the classes you signed up for?"

"Hey, don't be a dick, geek. While you were buried in your books, I was busy getting laid. So back off." The eye roll he received in response infuriated him.

"Such an accomplishment. I'm sure your days working as a Wal-Mart greeter will be plentiful."

"Fuck you loser. You wish you were me." Dean threw the pen across the table and it hit Castiel in his stupid, smirking face. Dean stood and pulled his backpack over his shoulder when Castiel spoke behind him.

"They're considering taking away your scholarship Dean." He said and the tight-end turned back to Castiel who was now leaning back in his chair with his arm crossed over his chest.

"Excuse me?"

"Your grade point average is a 1.6. You're an astonishing 27 credits behind your peers and the Jayhawks aren't exactly the premier football team are they?" Castiel leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table, "If you leave now, any hope of a future after college is gone." Dean faced Castiel now and looked hard at him, trying to gauge the truth in his words. Dean could detect no lies in his eyes and so dropped his bag back down, slumping into his vacated seat.

"Why do you care?" Dean asked and Castiel shrugged, pulling an itinerary closer.

"I don't, but if you don't do this, I don't get paid and I need a new laptop." Castiel blatantly admitted and Dean nodded grudgingly. "We'll start with Physics 122; it seems to be your lowest grade. We'll move from there to Geography 143 and World History 244. I'm going to speak to your advisor about pulling you from Anthropology to put you in remedial algebra. You'll need it considering you're also taking College Algebra 171. Now, do you stay in the dorms or are you living off campus?"

"Off campus." Castiel nodded.

"Good, because for the next 210 days, your life is mine." Castiel warned pointing the pen Dean had assaulted him with straight at Dean's perfect nose.

* * *

**AN: Thanks for reading everyone. So, who's dick do I gotta suck to get a review? I get so much traffic, but hardly any reviews! I tried super hard not to be annoying a whiny about reviews, but seriously! PWWWEEASEEE review! Also, I had a couple people PM me about the beta offer, however most of you have PM's disabled when I try to get back to you. The position for beta is still open and I'd loooove to get one! Hope I'm not asking for too much! Thanks again! **


	2. It's Castiel, Dean

**AN: Thanks so much for reading. I hope to update at least once a week (or more depending on how reviews go. I'm kind of a sucker for them) I already have quite a bit written for this story but I still don't have an approximation of how long it's going to be. I'm absolute shit at multi-chapter fics so I'm kind of proud of myself for keeping up with this one. Also, I noticed when I was reading through the fic that I put that Dean was 22 and yet won a high school football championship the previous year. I face-palmed myself so hard for that one. HA! (It would help if I could find a beta to help with errors in continuity like that!) Woo! Anyway, please enjoy!**

**Also, maybe the OC's are going to be a bit more prevalent in the story than I originally thought. Sorry to anyone who doesn't like that.**

**Chapter Two- It's Castiel, Dean.**

Monday

8:00- Physics 122

10:00- Algebra 116

12:00- Lunch

2:00- World History 244

3:00- Geography 143

4:00-7:00- Football

8:00-10:00- Sessions with Cas

Dean sighed and looked across the table at Castiel who was busy typing on his computer at a feverish speed. He slid the paper over catching the sleeve of Castiel's white button-up with the edge of the paper. Castiel pulled his eyes away from the screen and glared down at the sheet before lifting his gaze and settling the withering look on Dean's face instead.

"I think this could work out." Dean voiced hopefully as he edged his chair closer to the table and Castiel picked up the schedule Dean had written. He watched in some trepidation, anxiously awaiting the critique he knew was about to come. Secretly, he hoped Cas was pleased. For some reason, Dean really wanted Castiel to praise him. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Castiel was so unimpressed with him that made Dean want to work even harder for his exclusive regard; maybe it was just because Dean didn't like it when people didn't like him. Whatever the reason, Dean found himself poised on the edge of his seat staring at Cas as the other's blue eyes flicked quickly over the words. With a sigh, Castiel set the paper down and pulled the pen from Dean's hands. He bent over the schedule and Dean sank back in his seat, disappointed with himself.

"It's Castiel, Dean. Not Cas." He corrected sliding the itinerary back over to its commissioner. Next to Dean's hastily scrawled **'Cas' **there was now a neatly written _'tiel' _next to it. Dean raised the corner of his upper lip and bit back a comment about how ridiculous Castiel was being. Instead, he just shrugged and put the paper back down, knowing he definitely wasn't going to call the guy Castiel. Especially not now that he had made a big deal out of it. Kid was a dick and Dean, being a dick himself, knew just how to play the 'who-can-be-the-bigger-douche' game.

"So, _Cas…"_ He drew out the word and smirked when Castiel closed his eyes and sighed, "Other than that, did everything look okay?"

"Yes, it was fine. The library, however, closes at 7:00. We will need somewhere quiet to study and since I live in a fraternity house, your off campus apartment would be the most ideal option I suppose." Castiel reasoned and Dean nodded.

"Sure, I have a car, so we don't have to ride the bus. Where should I pick you up?"

"Just meet me here." Castiel said stuffing his MacBook in his bag. "I'll wait outside the library."

"Sounds good. I should get your number though, just in case practice runs late or something." Dean said and Castiel looked up at him, something passing through his eyes that Dean recognized as surprise before it was quickly shielded behind a mask of impassivity.

"Yes, of course." Castiel agreed jotting his number down on a small scrap of paper before handing it to Dean. "I prefer to text." He stated, leaving abruptly without a goodbye. Dean looked after him in mild shock, surprised at the kid's rudeness, but a small smile hitched up at the corners of his lips when he looked down at the paper and saw a string numbers accompanied by the word _Cas._

"**Dude! That was a fucking fifty-yard pass!" **Jordan ran up to Dean, raising his hand for a high-five. "How the fuck did you catch that?" Dean's smile nearly split his face in half as other members of the team clapped him on the shoulder, patted his back, or slapped his ass.

"Holy fuck Winchester! SDSU's not gonna know what hit them!"

"Alright, alright!" Robins called out over the clamor, "Take a knee gentlemen." The team settled around the coach, "Great practice today men. SDSU is not a team to take lightly despite what you may have heard through the grapevine."

"We'll smash them coach!" Mike hollered from Dean's left and a raucous cheer from the rest of the team rose up and Dean could tell Robins was trying to hide a smile.

"Just make sure to get enough rest tonight guys. Locker room at 8:00 am for pre-game warm ups. Go home!" Robins waved the team away and Dean ran to catch up with Jordan as he was walking off the field.

"What are you up to tonight Winchester?" Jordan asked and Dean shrugged. He hadn't told anyone on the team about his grade issue or his two-hour study sessions with the vice-geek. "A bunch of us are going to Brother's later then back to a buddy's place to crash. You should come."

"What about the game?"

"Can you not hold your alcohol Winchester? Afraid a beer is gonna throw you off?" Jordan joked and Dean bumped him with his shoulder.

"Nah, I could drink you under the table, but I got a thing tonight." Jordan stopped and looked at him speculatively.

"A thing?" he raised an eyebrow and Dean shuffled his feet, shrugging. He so did not want to go into this right now.

"Yeah a thing. Ya know…" Jordan's eyes widened.

"Like a girl thing? Dude, why didn't you just say so?"

"Bros before hoes and all…" Dean laughed as Jordan began walking again.

"Dude, that only applies if your chick is a bitch. What kind of bro would I be if I cock-blocked you?"

"No bro at all." Dean answered and Jordan laughed holding the door open for Dean, but Dean paused and turned back. "Actually, I am a little late. I think I'm just gonna head out."

"In your gear? Good luck driving in that." Jordan ducked into the locker room after waving to Dean over his shoulder and Dean hustled to where his car was waiting for him in the Memorial Stadium parking lot. Dean stripped off his pads and threw them in the backseat before jumping into the front and turning the ignition over with a roar. The stadium was only a street away from Watson Library, but Dean knew Castiel would not be pleased with his tardiness. Dean could be three minutes late and the kid would pitch a fit. Their first week together was coming to an end and Dean was actually making a bit of progress under Castiel's wing. Dean allowed a bit of bitchiness from him because actually, it was all thanks to Cas that his teachers had even been willing to bend the rules a bit and give Dean a second chance as far as his grades were concerned. Currently, he and Cas were putting the finishing touches on a paper on Medieval European History for his World History class that would make up for his previous less than stellar test grades. So when Dean pulled up to the curb outside Watson, it was with a smile that he greeted Cas' scowl.

"You're late." Cas said by way of greeting.

"Hello to you too." Dean said shifting his bag out of Castiel's seat. "Practice ran late Cas. Sorry." He offered but could still see the annoyance plain on Cas' face.

"That's what the cell phone is for Dean." Castiel reminded him and Dean shrugged, a grin stretching across his face.

"Sorry, next time I'm trying to catch a fifty-yard pass, I'll make sure to call and let you know."

"From the look on your face, I'm going to assume that that is something to be proud of?"

"Are you kidding me? It's awesome! Do you not follow football?"

"I don't particularly like sports, no." Cas said and Dean screwed up his face in confusion.

"What do you do in Lawrence when March Madness comes around?"

"Usually study. Midterms are around that time." Castiel offered and Dean shook his head.

"Oh man, we have got to get you to a game this season. You'd love it!"

"I'll just live vicariously through you Dean. Large crowds aren't really 'my thing.'" Dean shrugged and let the subject drop.

"Hey, are you hungry? I'm fucking starving and I know I don't have any food at home. We can go to the Mad Greek on Mass or something." Dean suggested and Castiel shrugged.

"As long as we can study while we're there. I don't want to waste time."

"Dude, Cas, its Friday night. Loosen up! We have all night to study, let's just go get some food and worry about grades later."

"You realize that it's this kind of mentality that got you into this problem in the first place right?" Cas looked over at Dean and Dean couldn't help but goad him on when he saw the hint of a smile underneath Castiel's cool façade.

"Wait, what's this? Castiel Novak is making a joke? And oh! Dare I say?! Is that a smile?" Dean's teasing brought a breathy chuckle from Cas who was doing his very best to hide the emotion, "Judge's ruling?" Dean paused and looked off into the distance for a moment, "Yes! There we have it ladies and gentlemen, that was definitely a smile!" Dean joked and Castiel pushed Dean lightly on the shoulder, but couldn't quell his soft smile.

"Just drive you imbecile. And let's get tacos."

**Tacos seemed like a great idea until they exited the Fuzzy Taco and ran straight into the guys from the team that were making their way to Brother's Bar. **Dean groaned and tried to pull Cas back inside, but Jordan saw him first.

"Fuck." Dean hissed and decided to just step out of the restaurant and take whatever beating was going to come his way.

"Hey man." Jordan said reaching out to pull Dean into a one-armed hug before turning back to the group, "I'll meet you guys there."

"Hey." Dean replied.

"What are you doing here? I thought you had a girl thing." Jordan said glancing over Dean's shoulder at Cas.

"It's uh…" Dean scratched the back of his neck, "A bit more compli-"

"Hi," a voice said from behind Dean, "I'm Cas. I'm Dean's friend from out of town. I surprised him by showing up on his doorstep out of gas and broke. He offered to buy me tacos and a tank of gas so, here I am." Castiel shook Jordan's hand and Jordan smiled and laughed at Castiel's feigned misfortune.

"Well, if you guys want to come to Brother's, I'd happily buy you a beer. This guy is tough to nail down." Jordan said punching Dean on the shoulder.

"Thanks, but I really need to get back on the road tonight. Rain check?" Castiel asked and Jordan grinned at him before turning back to Dean.

"I'll see you tomorrow man, yeah?" he asked and Dean responded with a soft _yeah. _"It was nice to meet you Cas." Jordan said and turned his back on the bizarre situation. Dean faced Castiel and the relief on his face was visible.

"Cas," Dean began, but the other man just waved his words away and walked up to the passenger side door, waiting patiently for Dean to open it. Dean did and when they slid in together, Dean tried to thank him again, but Castiel wouldn't let him get far with it.

"Don't worry about it Dean. I just hope you'd do the same for me."

"How did you know I didn't tell them about the tutoring?"

"There was sheer panic on your face when you saw them. I figured you must have left it out when he asked about your 'girl thing.'" Cas said and Dean nodded.

"When I told them I couldn't come tonight, he just guessed it had to do with a girl and I didn't correct him." Dean turned the key in the ignition and threw the car into gear.

"I understand." Castiel said, "But they are your team. Don't you think they deserve to know?"

"Seriously? Do you know how embarrassing this is? I'm 22, a junior in college and I have to get tutored for fucking freshman classes. No one needs to know this!" Dean vehemently declared and Castiel just remained silent until Dean dropped him off at the Delta house.

"You know Dean, you're a lot more intelligent than you give yourself credit for." Castiel told him as he pushed the door open, "tell anyone I said that and I'll deny it." Cas quirked up a corner of his mouth in a half-smile and Dean grinned a bit.

"Whatever, ass. Get out of my car." He commented playfully. Castiel was almost out of the car, but he leaned back in quickly and Dean looked at him in confusion before Castiel spoke.

"Good luck tomorrow Dean. I hope you catch another fifty-yard…homerun?"

"Touchdown." Dean corrected and Cas grinned before he hurried out of the car, shutting the door behind him, leaving Dean with a feeling of pride mixed with excitement in his chest.

**AN: Thanks again for reading and please review if you have the time! A small bit of trivia for you…this story actually follows the Jayhawks 2012 football season. It was a super disappointing season, but basketball is here and that makes everything so much better! I actually think the SDSU game was the only one the 'hawks won that season… I was born and raised in Lawrence so; following the Jayhawks is kind of the basic religion around here… Also, I just wanted to throw out the fact that Sam will be in the story a little later on for those of you that were wondering. So in a desperate attempt to get more interaction from you guys, I'd love to know what your favorite 'Sam pairing' is and maybe I could do a little side story/companion piece based off which preference gets the most shout-outs? You guys are awesome! Thanks!**


	3. So, it wasn't a date?

**AN: Hello again and thank you for reading! So, I hope none of you are going to be upset with me, but I've decided to not have a posting schedule for this story so new chapters will be up randomly. (Mostly, I'm just too impatient to wait a week to post.) I tried. I failed. Oh well. This chapter will focus more on Cas' perspective, at least in the beginning. Also, I'm sorry about all the awkward transitions in the story, doesn't allow page breaks so any time or perspective changes will be indicated with bold lettering. If you're confused with anything in the story, please feel free to ask me about it! Any who, enjoy!**

**All's Fair in Love and Football **

**Chapter Three- So, it wasn't a date?**

There was an insistent pounding in his head that refused to clear no matter how many pills Castiel popped or embarrassing neck stretches he performed to get the kinks out. He groaned, gripping the back of his neck tight while pushing his thin glasses up higher on his nose. He sighed and bent back over his computer, determined to finish proofing Dean's most current essay before their study session that night. His eyes blurred a bit, the computer screen sliding out of focus as he tried and failed to concentrate on the words in front of him. He shook his head and removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration with himself. He hadn't gotten a lot of sleep the previous night and Castiel was one of those people who couldn't function properly on less than their full eight hours.

Giving up, he closed his laptop and pushed his chair back, intent on leaving for the coffee shop down the road, but fate it seemed had other plans. The library was utilized by students pretty much all day, so when the door to the open study room slid open, Castiel barely noticed. It wasn't until he began stuffing his laptop in his bag that he saw someone standing at the edge of his table. He looked up and felt his insides turn to ice.

"Hey, you're Cas right? Dean's friend?" Cas grimaced and nodded as he shook Jordan's hand.

"Uh…yeah. That's me." Cas confirmed and Jordan sat down across the table from him.

"I thought you lived out of town." Jordan pressed and Cas floundered for an excuse. He could have lied and said he was a transfer, but anyone with half a brain knew a transfer didn't just happen with a snap of the fingers.

"No, I'm sorry I lied. I attend school here."

"Oh." Jordan eloquently put, seemingly thrown off by Cas' honesty. "Why didn't you just say so?"

"I was trying to diffuse an awkward situation." Castiel answered and Jordan nodded.

"So what are you doing now?" He probed and Cas looked at him through narrowed eyes.

"Leaving." He said pointedly and Jordan took the hint and stood, but not before he asked Cas what he was doing with Dean last Friday night.

"You should ask him." Castiel advised as he slung his backpack over his body. Jordan's eyebrows knitted together and Cas realized that might not have been the best thing to say.

"It wasn't like, a date or anything was it?" Castiel's eyes grew wide at Jordan's assumption. His surprise must have clearly showed on his face because Jordan quickly back-peddled, holding his hands up in mock surrender. "Because I mean, I don't have any problems with gays, I just…I shower with the guy you know?" Castiel reigned in his laughter and put on a face of cool passivity.

"You have nothing to worry your bigoted brain over." Castiel said with somewhat of a sneer.

"So, it wasn't a date?"

"No." Cas confirmed clearly indicating that the conversation was over. He didn't miss the way relief made Jordan's shoulders sag.

"Cool." Jordan backed away from Cas' hard stare, "I'll see you around Cas." Castiel barely acknowledged his comment, only to correct him.

"It's Castiel." He said wishing he hadn't introduced himself as Cas the first time they had met.

"Oh, right. Sorry."

"**So," Dean voiced glancing at Cas from over the book on the Asiatic Oceans, "I heard you had a run in with Jordan today." **Cas flicked his eyes up to meet Dean's stare from across the dining table and nodded before returning to his own book on mountain ranges. "He said you scared him a bit."

"Did I?" Castiel asked seemingly unimpressed, but Dean could see a spark of amusement in his eyes.

"He wouldn't tell me what you guys talked about though." Dean ventured and Cas peeked up at him, making sure to veil his expression and to remain silent to encourage Dean to continue. "What did you talk about?" he asked and Cas shrugged.

"You." Castiel said, meeting Dean's inquiring gaze. Dean raised his eye brows and Castiel sighed before continuing, "He asked why I was there. I told him I lied. He asked what we were doing together and I told him he needed to ask you about it."

"So, you didn't tell him what was going on?"

"No, Dean. I didn't. It's not my place to tell people about this. I think you should tell him though. He might start to get the wrong idea." Castiel was now the one to raise his eye brows pointedly and Dean looked back at him in confusion for a moment before the realization dawned on him and Cas was gifted with the sight of a blushing Dean Winchester.

"Oh yeah, you're probably right." He cleared his throat and Cas snorted, returning to his book, "thanks for not saying anything though." Dean said earnestly.

"Yeah." Came the amused reply.

**It was 7:30 am and Dean was tired. Last night's study session with Castiel had run almost an hour late and **he wasn't able to fall asleep until well after three in the morning. He slid into his seat in his Physics class and tried to resist the urge to lay his head down on the table and pass out. He usually had a table to himself, but today, someone slipped in next to him and began drawing supplies out of a faded olive colored messenger bag. Dean blinked blearily at the person next to him, trying to focus on who it was. The bag seemed vaguely familiar but Dean's sleep deprived mind couldn't make the connection.

The stranger, however, seemed to understand what was going on, because all of a sudden, a warm Styrofoam cup was pressed into his hands and a pastry was pushed towards him. His foggy brain was finally able to clear most of the haze and he grinned when he saw who was next to him.

"Hey Cas." He mumbled, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I haven't taken a physics class since my sophomore year in high school so I asked the professor if I could audit your class. He was very accommodating. Must like you." Cas joked and a goofy grin split Dean's gaze.

"Thanks Cas." Dean said taking a whiff of the coffee in his hands. "I needed this so bad." He took a drink wincing at the heat.

"Don't mention it." Cas shrugged, but Dean could see the blush threatening to creep over the other man's cheeks. Dean set the coffee down and took a gigantic bite out of the cream covered pastry.

"I can't believe you brought me Muncher's. Cas, you've been officially promoted to my favorite person ever." Dean said and watched as Cas tried to hide a smile by dipping his head lower and beginning to make notes in his journal.

Dean grinned over at Cas, unable to stop stealing peeks at the other's notebook, trying to compare notes with him. Cas seemed to be able to take down everything the professor said, but Dean was having a bit of trouble keeping up. Dean elbowed Cas in the ribs to get his attention. As expected, Cas twitched away and rubbed the sore spot.

"What the hell Dean?" he whispered loudly.

"Are you gonna let me copy those later?" Dean asked unabashedly.

"Not if you continue abusing me." Castiel hissed and Dean pulled away as Cas bent back over his notebook. Dean waited for a while longer before he leaned back over to Cas, watching the other student write.

"What are you writing?" he whispered over Cas' shoulder.

"What you should be paying attention to." Cas answered pushing Dean away.

"Am I annoying you?" he asked and Cas turned to glare at him.

"Yes, now knock it off and pay attention or I might rethink letting you review my notes." Dean slumped back into his seat and tried not to bother Cas. He succeeded, but it was very, very hard.

"**So you're saying that football is all physics?" Dean eyed Cas in disbelief as the black-haired boy nodded.**

"Almost entirely. Every practice you have, you're working with inertia, velocity, and trajectory, mass…It's all physics. You're doing it unconsciously, but it's still there. If I could just get you to translate football to physics, I'm sure you could get this down in no time."

"I hate physics."

"I'm not sure if there is anyone out there who truly enjoys physics…"Cas attempted to joke, but Dean cut him off.

"The Mythbusters do." He stated completely seriously.

"Aside from the Mythbusters, of course." Cas conceded and Dean grinned, "But really, Dean. This stuff isn't that difficult to understand and we can do something football related for your final project."

"Like what?" Cas thought for a minute before snapping his fingers as an idea popped into his brain.

"Like something that involves predicting where a ball will land when thrown from different areas of the field. We can set up different markers around the field and have someone throw you a ball. Based off our estimations of air velocity and the amount of force behind the ball, we should be able to accurately predict where the ball will land. We'll have you in the spots we predicted to see if you are able to catch the ball and find out if our predictions were successful." Cas turned to Dean, a bright smile on his face and Dean answered with one of his own.

"I didn't understand most of what you just said, but I'm sure it's going to be awesome." Dean said trying not to notice the way Cas' laugh triggered an instant reaction in him. His pulse began to race and he found himself actually excited to work on a project with him. Even if it was physics. His enthusiasm was contagious and Dean shifted a bit closer to get a glimpse of the charts Cas was beginning to draw up. Cas suddenly turned towards him and with their faces mere inches apart, Dean realized he had shifted a bit closer than he meant to. Cas was still smiling and was acting as if their close proximity didn't faze him, so Dean didn't move.

"I think this could really work." Cas offered in an almost breathless voice, his excitement was palpable and Dean couldn't believe he was finding himself to be almost as stoked up for this as Cas was.

"Yeah, it sounds awesome. I can't wait. Maybe I can get Jordan or Mike to help out and we could take pictures and make a whole PowerPoint presentation out of it." Dean said on a whim and Cas began nodding enthusiastically.

"That's brilliant Dean!" Cas nearly cheered as he moved to make more notes in his book. "I'll get started on planning. You work on getting a teammate to help."

"Done." Dean said, trying not to feel disappointment when Cas turned stood from the couch and moved toward the table to grab something from his bag. Dean made a noise of protest when he saw it was a physics book.

"Hey!" Cas admonished, "You've gotta learn this stuff if you want to do this project." Cas settled on the couch beside Dean and Dean tried not to move closer to his warmth. Cas crossed his legs beneath him and opened the book on his lap. If Dean didn't know better, he would say that Cas was inviting him to move nearer. Instead Dean, fearing the strange pull he felt towards Cas, cleared his throat and moved to the edge of the couch, feigning a need to stretch his legs. He pretended not to see the disappointment in Cas' eyes as the other flipped the book around and put it in Dean's lap. "I'm going to retype these word problems into something football related so that they're easier for you to relate to. Do you have a printer?" he asked and Dean nodded. "Okay, give me ten minutes."

**AN: So, this story hasn't even been up for 24 hours yet and it already has over 200 hits. Woo! That makes me super excited; however, no one seems to want to review. You guys are hard to please. I've tried asking questions, I've tried whining, what's a girl gotta do? I feel like I'm doing something wrong here… It makes me very self-conscious…Are you guys just trying to mindfuck me? Well done, readers. Well. Done.**

**AN: God, Muncher's sounds so fucking good right now! It's this little bakery in Lawrence that's open 24/7 and they seriously have the BEST cream cheese donuts. Fuck me, it's so good. I wish I could just give you all some Muncher's so that you can experience the awesomeness. OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!**


	4. I told you, he must like you

**AN: Thank you for reading.**

**Chapter Four- I told you, he must like you.**

**There were very few things in life more disappointing than losing a game. **Especially if the opposing team happens to be big and purple and it's the Sunflower Showdown. The Jayhawks put on a brave face as they left the field, but inside the locker room, the team was dead silent. It was an agonizing defeat; fifty-six to sixteen and every man feeling like the blame was on them. Dean tossed his gear into his bag and followed his team back to the bus dreading the three hour drive back to campus where he would be left with his own thoughts. Robins wasn't even saying anything. Jordan, normally so enthusiastic and upbeat, sat in front of Dean in stoic silence. Dean shoved his headphones in his ears and drowned the world in Led Zeppelin.

When they arrived back in Lawrence, Jordan gave him a half-hearted pat on the back as Dean slipped into his car and drove home. His apartment was just off Ohio Street and wasn't far from main campus. Traffic was mercifully light and he made it home in just under seven minutes. Upon opening his door, something fluttered out and hit him on the shoe. Dean picked it up and went inside, immediately going down the stairs to the kitchen to grab a beer. He flicked the paper open and instantly recognized the neat handwritten letter.

_Call me as soon as you get home._

_ Cas_

Dean didn't need the little note at the bottom detailing who sent this letter and it made him smile despite his melancholy mood. He found himself reaching for his cell phone before he could think better of it. Cas answered on the third ring.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas." Dean took a swig of beer, "I got your note."

"Good! Listen, I have some seriously exciting stuff to show you, are you busy?"

"Cas, it's like one in the morning man. Can't this wait?" Dean grumbled and immediately wished he hadn't. The disappointment in Cas' voice was unmistakable as he tried to back pedal.

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, of course. You had the game today. You must be tired. I'll just talk to you Monday evening. Goodnight Dean."

"No, Cas. Wait." Dean commanded almost positive he was going to regret this later, "I'm sorry. Bad game." He heard Cas sigh over the line.

"What was the score?"

"Fifty-six to sixteen." He said drinking again and he heard Cas hiss.

"Ouch."

"You're telling me."

"Well, I'm sure you did your best Dean." He ventured and Dean laughed.

"Thank you for that complacent answer Cas. It's much appreciated."

"Complacent? Good word. I'm proud of you Dean. You've finally reached fifth grade vocabulary. Perhaps we can graduate to Hooked on Phonics next." Cas quipped and Dean laughed louder.

"Listen, you know what? I changed my mind. I'd really like some company if you wanted to come over. I could use a distraction even if it is just to worry about my grades." Dean offered and he could almost see Cas' answering smile.

"I'll call a cab and be there shortly." Cas said and the line clicked dead. Dean put his phone back in his pocket and flopped down to wait on his friend.

**Dean shook himself out of a stupor when a heavy knocking sounded upon his door. **He sat up groaning and made his way up the stairs to let Cas enter. Sometime in the last few minutes, it had begun raining and Cas stepped into Dean's apartment with his head bowed and a tan trench coat wrapped around him. Dean watched, oddly transfixed as Cas shrugged out of the coat revealing deep gray slacks and a navy blue sweater over a light blue oxford, the tail of which stuck out from the bottom just over the top of his pants. Dean's eyes followed Cas' hands as they dragged through his black hair, but they snapped down almost immediately distracted by Cas opening his eyes. Dean felt like he had been hit full force by a 500 pound line-backer. He'd never seen Cas without his glasses before and the difference was astounding

"Fuck." Dean had whispered before his mind could fully process what his mouth was doing. Cas reached up and scratched the back of his neck, looking at Dean somewhat sheepishly. Dean felt his mouth go dry and wasn't even aware that he was staring until Cas shifted nervously in front of him. Dean blinked a few times and smacked his mouth shut, pulling his gaze away from Cas and leading the way down the stairs, completely missing the way Cas was staring at him, his face all needy and sad.

"Want a beer?" Dean asked as Cas took a seat on the couch, removing a binder from his bag.

"Can I have a Coke?" he chanced but Dean shook his head.

"I don't drink Coke, shit's gross. I only have Dr. Pepper." He offered and Cas nodded.

"I'll take one of those then. Thanks." He voiced as Dean handed him the cold can and sat down next to him. Cas popped the top and took a drink before setting the can on the window ledge behind him and opened his binder before looking at Dean very seriously. Dean was once again struck dumb by how fucking blue Cas' eyes were. He couldn't remember ever wanting to maintain eye contact with anyone for so long. Cas seemed to either be unfazed by Dean's blatant staring or was just choosing to ignore it. Dean tried to pull his eyes away, but found it impossible so he just settled on making his gaze as soft as he could, silently apologizing to Cas for making the air around them awkward. Cas cleared his throat and turned towards Dean, pulling his legs underneath him as was his custom. "Okay, you can't breathe a word about what I'm going to show you. It's Top Secret, okay?" Cas warned and Dean nodded. "I'm not joking Dean, I could get into some serious shit for showing you this." Cas' gaze burned into Dean's and there was a collective cease-fire on the synapses in Dean's brain as he went into shut-down mode.

"Jesus Christ you're gorgeous." Rushed from his lips in a breath and Cas was visibly startled. His eyes went wide and he looked away from Dean, effectively breaking the trance the other was in. Dean shook his head and tried to make sense out of his muddled thoughts, but was unable to see through the haze. Cas cleared his throat again and continued on as if Dean hadn't just uttered the single most embarrassing (not to mention confusing) sentence of his life. Cas pushed the binder into Dean's hands and Dean opened it, looking down at the papers.

"Your physics professor gave me the questions that will be on the Midterm next month. He made me promise that we would go chapter by chapter, moving at the same pace as the rest of the class. We still have to find our own answers, but now at least, we know what to look for." Dean raised his eyes to Cas' in disbelief.

"Why would he do this?"

"I told you, he must like you." Cas encouraged but Dean shook his head.

"Isn't this cheating?" he asked suspiciously but Cas indicated the negative.

"It's just a study guide. The rest of the class gets one too; you're just getting yours a bit early. I pitched the idea for the final project to him and he was really impressed with how hard you're working and how committed you are to this academic change. He wants to help in any way he can." Cas smiled at him, "Aaaand…" Cas dragged the vowel for all it was worth as he flipped pages in the binder, "I kind of bullied the teachers into giving me an update on your grades. You're only failing one class now."

"Let me guess, physics?"

"Physics." Cas confirmed, "but that's why Professor Milton is willing to go so above and beyond for you. He recognizes change and is rewarding you for it. You've got the current material down like the back of your hand. You're going to nail that test next week and that will definitely help bring your grade up to passing. If you can manage a seventy on the test, that would bring you up to a sixty-three percent! You wouldn't be failing any classes and your spot on the team will be secure!" Cas finished and Dean couldn't help but smile.

"This is so awesome Cas. Thank you. I mean, if it weren't for you, I'd-"

"Please Dean. You act like I don't get anything out of this."

"Yeah, your letter of recommendation…"

"No, I like being able to hang out with you." Cas admitted and Dean felt heat creep into his cheeks.

"Believe it or not, but I don't really have any friends and being with you…It's like hanging out. You know, with a friend." Cas spoke softly, shyly and Dean couldn't help the bubble of happy pride swelling within him.

"I am your friend Cas." Dean said and was glad he did because Cas' entire face lit up in a smile of such agonizingly sweet sincerity that Dean had to look away with a short, embarrassed laugh.

"I'm glad to hear that Dean. And I promise that when I'm president, I'll let you pick out a few policies as a thank you for not being a dick to me in college. Hell, I might even pull you out of your Wal-Mart job to be one of my advisors. You know, In case the White House needs a greeter or something." Cas laughed and Dean hit him in the face with a pillow.

"You're a dick, you know that right?"

"Don't be mad just because I'm smarter than you." Cas said holding his hands up to fend off another pillow attack.

**Cas bounded down the stairs in Dean's apartment and entered the living room where Dean was sitting on the couch, typing on Cas' laptop. **Cas grinned at the sight before moving into the kitchen to grab a Dr. Pepper.

"I'm going to grab a soda. Do you want anything?" he asked and Dean mumbled something about a beer, his eyes never leaving the computer screen. Cas opened the fridge and stuck his head in to pull out a beer. It was when he was reaching for a Dr. Pepper that he paused when a large red box caught his eye. Cas smiled and pulled a Coke from the fridge. He stood back up and looked at Dean, an odd fluttering making itself known in his stomach. He popped the tab and opened Dean's beer before joining him on the couch, curling up next to him, but not touching. Never touching. Dean glanced over at him and Cas lifted up his Coke can. "Thanks." He said and Dean just shrugged, but Cas could see the hint of a smile that Dean tried to keep hidden.

**AN: Thank you again for reading. Please feel free to review, I'd love to know what you think.**


	5. Fucking hell

**AN: Oh goodness, thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews! As I checked my account last night, I had to mentally prepare myself for no reviews. I was like, "Be strong. You can do this!" and then I had some of the best reviews ever! Woo! I was about to go all Disney Princess on you guys and throw myself on a bed and cry. Crisis averted. Instead, because of you wonderful people, I was able to have a Sally Field moment (You like me! You really like me!) (Thank god!) Also, this chapter will focus more on Cas' perspective because he's fantastic and I love him. That is all.**

**Just kidding. This chapter is basically the same as the last, just from Cas' perspective. Not as lame and lazy as it sounds. Promise.**

**Chapter Five- Fucking hell.**

"**I'll call a cab and be there shortly." Cas said and pressed the end call button on his phone. **He fell back against the bureau in his room and closed his eyes. He paused for a moment wondering what in the hell he was doing going to Dean's at one in the morning like some kind of booty call. _Heh, if only. _Cas scoffed to himself before Googling the number to the closest cab company.

Ten minutes later, he heard the cabby honk from the drive and he checked himself out in the mirror nervously. He had attended a function on behalf of the fraternity that evening and was still in the same outfit. He hoped he still looked okay. His slacks were a little rumpled and he had long since untucked his shirt, but figured he was still relatively presentable as he shrugged into a tan trench coat to help ward off the rain. Cas nervously bounced his leg up and down, not really understanding why he was so on edge. Yeah, Dean was super-hot, but Cas quite literally spent every evening with him and had never had as big a case of the sweaty-palms as he did now. He looked out the window and watched the rivulets of rain run over him, giving him the illusion that his face was melting. He grinned at the morbid thought but pushed it away as the driver stopped in front of Dean's building. Cas tossed some cash over the seat and thanked the man before running up to the door.

It was freezing and Cas knocked impatiently, wanting to be let in from the cold. He burrowed himself into his coat and breathed hot air into his hands. Finally, Dean opened the door and Cas was able to step inside, shaking his head like a wet dog. He removed his trench coat and slung it over the bannister before running a hand through his nearly frozen hair. Then he glanced up at Dean with a slight smile and his heart had stopped. The way Dean was looking at him had his knees shaking and an uncomfortable lump forming in his throat. He hoped Dean would turn away soon because Cas sure as hell wasn't able to.

"Fuck." Dean whispered and it was all Cas could do to stay standing. He gripped the bannister and nearly moaned at the sound of Dean's grating voice. Instead, he looked away and dug his nails into the back of his neck to keep from doing something insane. Finally, mercifully, Dean snapped back to reality and Cas kept his eyes on the floor until Dean was all the way down the stairs. He watched Dean's retreating back and tried not to imagine how his skin would feel under his fingers.

Cas descended the stairs slowly and sat nervously on the edge of the couch as Dean handed him a Dr. Pepper. The cool fizzy drink felt good on his feverish lips and he slugged down about half the can before setting it behind him and attempted to focus on the reason he had come over in the first place. He gripped his binder tightly to his chest and made the mistake of looking into Dean's eyes again. Oh god, the green was killing him. Dean expressed so much through his eyes and though this was far from the first time Cas found himself staring at him, it was a first to have Dean staring back and the feeling of fire within him was definitely dissimilar.

When Cas could remember how to work his vocal chords again, he swore Dean to secrecy.

"Okay, you can't breathe a word about what I'm going to show you. It's Top Secret." Cas was very serious about this and the nod that Dean gave him in answer was definitely not going to cut it. "I'm not joking Dean, I could get into some serious shit for showing you this." He warned and could feel the heat rise into his gaze. Not only could Cas lose his own scholarship, but someone else very important to him could lose his job. He was about to open his mouth to insist upon a verbal declaration of assent from Dean, but was rendered speechless by Dean's next words.

"Jesus Christ, you're gorgeous." The sentence was rushed, quiet and nearly breathless, but it tore Castiel to shreds. Cas felt his mouth fall open slightly and his breath came in short gasps. Dean was looking at him with an unreadable expression and cleared his throat as if he had just realized what he was doing. There was a pink tint to Dean's cheeks and a small bead of seat ran down his neck, under his t-shirt and onto his quickly rising chest. Cas tried not to stare but fuck; if that wasn't the hottest thing he had ever seen. God, this kid was killing him. Cas wished he was brave enough to tell Dean what he was really thinking instead of taking the chicken shit way out and acting like nothing happened. Like Dean's words hadn't completely set him on fire.

"Your physics professor gave me the questions that will be on the Midterm next month. He made me promise that we would go chapter by chapter, moving at the same pace as the rest of the class. We still have to find our own answers, but now at least, we know what to look for." Cas tried to school his expression as much as possible, trying not to show just how affected he was.

"Why would he do this?" Dean asked, all surprise in his eyes. Cas grinned sheepishly and looked down.

"I told you, he must like you." Cas said, which wasn't entirely the truth. Sure Professor Milton was easy going, but it was Cas that he really liked, I mean, he was his step-father after all, but he was in no way prepared to tell Dean that yet.

"Isn't this cheating?" Dean asked with a raised eyebrow and Cas shook his head immediately.

"It's just a study guide. The rest of the class gets one too; you're just getting yours a bit early. I pitched the idea for the final project to him and he was really impressed with how hard you're working and how committed you are to this academic change. He wants to help in any way he can." Which again, wasn't entirely true; Cas was important to his step-father and he wanted Cas to succeed in this. So he bent the rules a little for his son, not the cocky narcissistic ass that he was helping. "Aaaand…I kind of bullied the teachers into giving me an update on your grades. You're only failing one class now."

"Let me guess, physics?"

"Physics," Cas confirmed, , "but that's why Professor Milton is willing to go so above and beyond for you. He recognizes change and is rewarding you for it. You've got the current material down like the back of your hand. You're going to nail that test next week and that will definitely help bring your grade up to passing. If you can manage a seventy on the test, that would bring you up to a sixty-three percent! You wouldn't be failing any classes and your spot on the team will be secure!" Cas said with a smile and looking up, he saw Dean's answering grin.

"This is so awesome Cas. Thank you. I mean, if it weren't for you, I'd-" Cas could have punched himself, but he had to interrupt before Dean did irreparable damage to his insides and Cas did irreparable damage to their relationship.

"Please Dean, you act like I don't get anything out of this." He pretended not to see Dean's gaze as it fell.

"Yeah, your letter of recommendation…" Dean began and Cas _really _wanted to punch himself. He didn't want Dean to feel like a means to an end, because that was as far away from the truth as possible.

"No," he voiced softly resisting the urge to reach out and touch him, "I like being able to hang out with you." He settled on, getting as close to the truth as possible without revealing too much. He watched the blush grow on Dean's cheeks and felt a stirring in his chest. "Believe it or not, but I don't really have any friends and being with you…It's like hanging out. You know, with a friend." Then, Dean smiled and Cas could see the smile in his eyes and the world stopped. This was it, he knew, the moment he read about in books. The moment he cried over in movies. Fucking hell. He was in love. Then Dean spoke and shattered the illusion.

"I am your friend Cas." It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but Dean said it with such heart-breaking sincerity that it was enough.

"I'm glad to hear that Dean." And because he was a bit of a masochist and needed the heavy air around them to disappear, "And I promise that when I'm president, I'll let you pick out a few policies as a thank you for not being a dick to me in college. Hell, I might even pull you out of your Wal-Mart job to be one of my advisors. You know, In case the White House needs a greeter or something." He was summarily pelted with a pillow.

"You're a dick, you know that right?" Dean smacked him with the fluffy object again and Cas raised his hands, trying to shout through his giggles.

"Don't be mad just because I'm smarter than you!" he could almost see Dean's eye roll.

**Cas moaned a bit, protesting the morning light as he fought against opening his eyes. Finally though, it became apparent that he wasn't falling back asleep and his eyes fluttered open. **It took him a moment to identify his surroundings, but when he did, sleep was the last thing on his mind as he shot up off Dean's couch with wide eyes. There was a banging to his left and he looked over to see Dean, fucking shirtless, pounding around on the stove in his kitchen. Cas' mouth filled with water and he was sure some leaked out when Dean turned to face him through the space in the wall. Dean was sliding thick cakes onto different plates and Cas had some very impure thoughts about syrup as Dean flashed him a smile.

"Morning." Dean said and Cas knew then that he would be content to wake up like this every morning for the rest of his life. "I made pancakes. I can't promise they'll be edible, but I made them, so you better eat." Incapable of speech, Cas just nodded and sat down at the dining table where Dean soon presented him with stack of golden deliciousness. Dean sat opposite him and spilled nearly half the syrup bottle on his pancakes before digging in. Cas watched him with a mixture of horror and amusement on his face. "What? Dean choked out through his food and Cas laughed as a clump of cake fell out of his mouth and onto the table. Dean swallowed and passed the syrup over to Cas.

"You're disgusting, you know that right?" Cas laughed and Dean grinned, shoveling more pancake into his mouth.

**Cas looked at himself in the mirror and pulled off his sweater before reaching for the t-shirt hanging on the sink. He stroked the soft blue material with his fingers before pulling **it over his head, a blush creeping over his skin as he did so. It was Dean's shirt and it smelled like him and fuck it if Cas wasn't getting a little off on it. He pushed down his pants and kicked them away as he slid the flannel pajama pants over his legs and smiled as he left the room. He flounced down the stairs to see Dean sitting upon the couch, concentrating hard on the computer screen. Cas was ecstatic to be staying over for the second night in a row. Dean said he wanted to get started on planning for his final project and Cas was only too happy to agree that an early start would be best. There were no ulterior motives, Cas told himself. Scout's honor, it wasn't as if he _wanted _to stay, it was a matter of convenience really. Cas scoffed to himself. Who the hell was he kidding?

Cas slipped into the kitchen and combed through Dean's refrigerator, pulling out a beer for Dean and, wait…what's that? Cas' grin exploded as he ripped open the box of Coke and yanked one out. He opened both drinks and went to sit by Dean on the couch as close as he could without touching him. Cas didn't think he could restrain himself if Dean touched him, even if it was by accident.

"Thanks." He said raising his Coke in acknowledgement. Cas just barely caught the grin Dean attempted to conceal and Cas got all squirrely inside. He craned his head closer to Dean to see what he was working on. He had some football website up and Cas chuckled, "I thought you were concentrating on the project."

"Football is a part of the project Cas." Dean informed him and shut the computer down.

"When did you get this?" Cas asked taking a sip of his soda.

"When you were sleeping. You didn't actually think I had food in my house did you? I ran to the store when I woke up this morning and since you have shitty taste in drinks and I don't, I picked that up for you." Dean seemed embarrassed and Cas just smiled at him over the rim of his can.

"How domestic of you." He joked and Dean shoved a pillow in his face.

"Shut up." Dean drew it out so it sounded more like, shaaad aaap, but it had Cas laughing all the same. "The second bedroom is made up for guests if you want to sleep there instead of the couch tonight." Dean offered and Cas nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes, please." He said as Dean flicked the TV on, "do you have a lot of people that stay over?" he asked, hoping his question wasn't too personal.

"Nah," Dean replied, "mostly just my brother Sam." He picked up a picture and handed it to Cas, "He goes to school over in California." Cas took the picture and looked down to see Dean and another guy that was about nine feet tall with shaggy brown hair and a boyish face smiling back at him.

"Is he younger?"

"Yeah, Sammy just turned eighteen this past May."

"He's in California for school though? Does your family live there?"

"No, my family has always been here. Sammy is somewhat of a genius so he graduated High School when he was sixteen and was accepted into Stanford the next year."

"Wow. That's…"Cas blew out a breath, "Impressive."

"Yeah, I'm happy he was able to go. We didn't have the best life growing up and Sammy suffered for it. I tried to keep him from most of it, but the stuff we went through…" Dean paused and Cas ached for him to continue, "It's just good to see him happy." Dean was looking at the picture but Cas was looking at Dean.

"You must be proud." He said and Dean nodded.

"I am." Dean said turning toward Cas. "He's actually coming up in a couple of weeks to see me play. I'd love for you to meet him." Castiel melted. "I know you guys will get along."

"I'm sure we will." Cas assured him.

"Yeah, maybe I can convince Sam to bother you with all his nerdy shit instead of pestering me with it. I'm sure you two come from the same home planet." Dean laughed and Cas slapped him on the arm.

"Assbutt!" Cas said before he could think of a better comeback and Dean nearly floored himself from laughing.

"Assbutt? Seriously?" Dean cackled, "Castiel Novak, smartest kid in the whole university with the largest vocabulary known to man looks to insult someone and comes up with assbutt. Well done!" Dean laughed and Cas tried hard not to pout. "I expected more from you." Cas just shrugged, content to hear Dean's laughter even if it was at his own expense. Finally, Dean settled down and leaned back against the couch, he sighed and turned his head to the side to look at Cas. "Thanks for staying Cas. I mean that. I hate living alone sometimes."

"Anytime." Castiel replied leaning his head to rest on his arm that was stretched across the back of the couch. Dean mirrored his position and just spent a few moments in silence, staring. It wasn't nearly as awkward as it should have been. Instead of feeling uncomfortable, Cas felt warm, contented, and so incredibly distracted from the world that he didn't even notice that Dean's hand was creeping across the space between them, until the tips of Dean's fingers brushed his own. Cas completely ruined the moment by gasping in shock and pulling away.

"I'm sorry." Dean said immediately withdrawing into himself and standing, putting as much distance between himself and Castiel as possible. "I thought… I'm sorry. I think I'll just go to bed." Cas' heart jerked and slammed against his ribs at the pained expression on Dean's face.

"Dean. No, wait, please." Cas tried to keep him from leaving, but he was rooted to the spot. It was all happening too fast and definitely not how Cas wanted it to go. Before he knew it, Dean was up the stairs and a door clicked shut behind him.

Nothing in Cas' life had ever seemed so final.

**AN: Fine day, Wednesday. Fine Day. And does anyone know why? It's Supernatural Wednesday? Right you are! It's Supernatural Wednesday! I hope everyone liked this chapter. I'm also happy to announce that Sam will be making an appearance in the next chapter! Woo! As always, thank you, thank you for reading and remember, reviews keep the over dramatic author's notes away! YEEEE!**


	6. She wanted her grass mowed

**AN: Okay, so this is more of a filler chapter than anything. I hope you guys don't hate it too much. The next chapter and the one following that should prove to be much more exciting for you **

**Chapter Six- She wanted her grass mowed**

**It was Friday night, nearly two weeks since Dean had unwisely **striven for more intimate contact with Cas and the two were just now recovering from it. Dean is ashamed to think of it now, but the Monday after the incident, he bailed on their study session even though he knew Cas would be waiting at the library for Dean to pick him up like he always did. Dean had actually gone as far to drive up to the library and sit in his parked car for over an hour as Cas waited out on a bench in front of the building.

Dean drove away when Cas shouldered his bag and began walking home. He cursed himself for being too scared to face him. He knew he was just making the problem worse by avoiding Cas, but Dean didn't know how to act around him now. He was embarrassed and surprised by his own actions and Cas' rejection of him stung more than he was willing to admit.

The next day though, he had sucked in a breath and jerked his car to a stop in front of the library, seeing a small smile on Cas' face as he made his way to Dean's the Impala. The night was awkward and they stayed at the dining room table, not moving anywhere near the couch, leaving at least two feet of space between them at all times. They spoke of nothing but the current subject they were on and Cas refused to look Dean in the eye.

It went on like this for about a week and a half before it just became too much for Dean. He threw his pencil down on the table and closed his book, causing Castiel to look up at him questioningly. Dean sighed and collected his materials before moving to the couch and flopping upon it. He looked pointedly at Cas and after a momentary hesitation; Cas joined him on the couch though he kept well away.

That was three days ago. Now, they sat close together, each looking at the same book in Dean's lap. It was the best Dean had felt since that night. He could tell Cas was coming to trust him again and he was grateful.

"I don't understand this part here." Dean commented pointing to a section of the textbook and Cas leaned in, focusing on what he was indicating.

"Terminal velocity?" Cas asked looking up at Dean who nodded. "The terminal velocity of a free-falling object is the velocity of the object when the downward force of gravity equals the resistance force of drag and the acceleration of the object becomes zero." Dean looked over at him.

"English Cas." He demanded and Cas grinned at him.

"Basically, if an object is in free fall, there is a sort of wind resistance fighting against the gravity pulling it downward. Terminal velocity is reached when the amount of gravity and the amount of resistance are the same."

"So, then they kind of cancel each other out and the object reaches a constant velocity?" Dean asked bringing his nose closer to the book.

"Exactly!" Cas said and Dean looked over with a smile. The two were closer than ever and Cas wasn't moving away, Dean noted with an excited spark.

"Cas, I-"

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

Dean's head shot up to look at the door and he furrowed his eyebrows, "The hell?" Dean passed his book over to Cas and got up to answer the door. "Fuck Sammy! I thought you weren't going to be in until tomorrow!" Dean said excitably, "Hey, Cas is here. C'mon, I want you to meet him." Dean pounded down the stairs and saw Cas stand up from the couch. Dean watched Cas' eyes grow wide as he took Sam in.

"Cas this is Sam; Sammy, Cas." Dean was all smiles and his enthusiasm was contagious.

"It's nice to meet you. Dean's told me a lot about you." Sam said shaking Cas' hand.

"Oh shit, I hope not." Cas said without thinking and Sam laughed, it was a deep, booming sound and Cas was sure his ribs shook with the force of it.

"All good stuff, I swear." Sam said earnestly before turning back to Dean, "Do you care if I take a shower man? Guy I was next to on the plane had serious body odor issues."

"Go ahead, we'll catch up later."

"Cool." Sam said and smiled at Cas before heading up the stairs. Dean watched his brother leave before settling himself back on the couch, panicking slightly as Cas began to collect his belongings.

"What are you doing?" he demanded and Cas faced him in surprise.

"I'm packing up." Cas shrugged as though he thought that it should have been obvious.

"Why?" Cas rolled his eyes.

"Sam is here. I figured you guys would want to be alone and such."

"Dude, he's my brother, not my boyfriend. We don't have to be alone to do anything." Dean told him and smirked when Cas blanched at the word _boyfriend._ "C'mon, we can order pizza…"Dean persuaded in a sing-song voice and Cas caved.

**Three hours later and the three men were sitting on the floor in Dean's living room, Cas and Sam in **near hysterics while Dean tried to vehemently deny what Sam had accused him of.

"I was fifteen!" Dean yelled over their laughter.

"She was married!" Sam countered and Dean put his face in his hands in embarrassment.

"I didn't know that." Dean defended, "she wanted her grass mowed…it was her fault she didn't specify which one!" Dean looked over at Cas for help, but Cas was on his back next to Sam, rolling with laughter. "Fuck you guys." Dean grumbled and stood to get another beer. As he returned he saw Cas checking his phone.

"I should probably go. It's getting late. The buses stop running in half an hour."

"You should stay." Sam said and Dean mentally slapped and thanked his brother simultaneously. Cas turned his attention from Sam to Dean, but he just stood there, not giving anything away, wanting Cas to make the decision on his own.

"I don't think I should." Cas started but Sam interrupted him again.

"Why not? Dean doesn't care and you're coming to the game with me tomorrow right?" Dean saw the startled look Cas gave Sam before he tried to stammer another denial. Sam's eyebrows furrowed and he glanced at Dean for help, not really understanding why Cas had just turned into a blubbering ball of awkwardness and his brother had turned to stone. It was in that moment that Dean knew Cas was scared and his eyes popped open at the revelation. He knew that steps needed to be taken to repair their blemished relationship and if Cas was too afraid to take them, Dean would have to step up and be brave enough for them both.

"You're more than welcome to stay Cas." Dean voiced in a soft tone, like he was trying to coax a scared animal out of hiding. Cas looked up at him with those fucking brilliant eyes of his and Dean felt heat course through him that had nothing to do with the buzz from too many beers.

"Okay." Cas whispered not taking his eyes off Dean. Dean could see Sam glancing back and forth between the two in confusion, but he didn't care. He needed Cas to know that they were okay, that everything was okay. "Okay." Cas conceded a little louder this time and broke their staring contest.

"Awesome!" Sam said, truly happy that the tense air was lifted. "I'm going to head up to bed. See you guys in the morning." Dean and Cas called their goodnights to Sam. The two remained silent until they heard the guest room door close. Cas shuffled nervously and Dean tossed him a beer.

"Drink up. We're gonna talk about things." Dean said and Cas' eyes flashed with alarm.

**The small end table in front of Dean's couch was littered with beer bottles and half of a drunk Castiel **as he leaned across it, attempting to focus long enough to bounce a quarter into a shot glass full of Southern Comfort. Dean laughed at the level of concentration Cas was putting into this. His eyes were narrowed and his tongue poked out of the side of his mouth and he wiggled his hips, steeling himself to make a move. He missed.

"Drink up bitch!" Dean said enjoying watching Castiel drink himself into a near stupor while he remained just comfortably buzzed.

"I don't get it," Cas slurred falling back against the couch, "how are you so good at this?"

"Practice." Dean shrugged crawling over to where Cas was. Cas blearily turned his head in Dean's direction, a hazy smile plastered on his face.

"You have to teach me." He said and Dean grinned at him.

"Sure Cas." He agreed and Cas' eyes closed for a brief moment. Mentally, Dean groaned. Cas was definitely a light weight and getting him drunk was counterproductive when it came to getting him to have a serious conversation. Dean had brought the incident up once, but Cas had just giggled and called him stupid. He didn't try again.

"You're a good friend Dean." Cas said dropping his head onto Dean's shoulder. Dean chuckled nervously and gently pushed Cas back up.

"I try, but I'm sure you've had better." Cas shook his head.

"I've never had friends. Only you. You're the only one. People don't like me. Nerd." If Cas' words hadn't set a fierce sort of pride in him, Dean would have definitely been laughing at Cas' inability to string a coherent sentence together.

"Ah, c'mon man. You've had other friends before." Cas brought his legs up to his chest and leaned his head back against the couch.

"I haven't. Well, this one girl. She pretended to kiss me. It was awesome." This time, Dean did laugh.

"She pretended to kiss you and it was awesome?"

"Mmmmhmmm… she was nice. I was at this party. Like, when I was fifteen." Cas was speaking loudly and each word seemed melded together and his face was screwed up as if remembering was hard for him, but he continued on. "It was a game, like…something about heaven."

"Seven minutes in Heaven?"

"That's the one." Cas said pointing at Dean, "Very good. You're very smart." He informed him, "Anyway, she didn't kiss me…I told her that no one had ever kissed me before, but I was too scared to kiss her and so she left and told everyone I was awesome."

"Nice girl."

"Yeah, I wish I would have kissed her."

"Oh do you?" Dean asked reaching out to steady Cas as he began to sway a bit.

"Yeah, I had a chance and I should have taken it. Instead, I'm sitting here, twenty-four…" Cas pointed at himself and then fell back on the floor, laughing quietly to himself. Dean watched him in confusion, "twenty-four and no kisses for me." Dean's eyes shot open and he looked down at Cas who seemed oddly serious now. "I don't know why I told you that." Cas said before sitting quickly up and looking at Dean in alarm. "I think I need to puke."

Dean followed Cas up the stairs and slid down the wall as Cas leaned over the toilet, heaving. Nothing was coming up though and eventually, Cas just leaned his head against his arm, before taking note of where Dean was and sliding down next to him. Dean allowed Cas to shift so their sides were pressed together and Cas' head hit his shoulder. Soon though, Dean felt Cas' weight more fully and glanced down to see his friend's eyes closed and a soft snore passing through his lips. Carefully as he could, Dean extracted Cas from his body and shifted him into a standing position. Cas mumbled inaudibly as Dean pulled him down the hall toward his room.

"C'mon buddy, you gotta help me out a bit here." He said and Cas made a feeble attempt to stand on his own, but ended up just falling against Dean causing him to lose his footing and crash into a wall. Dean sighed and tried to keep a tight grip on Cas, but looking down the hall, he doubted they would make it in one piece, so gathering what strength he had left, Dean bent and hefted Cas' body up into his arms and carried him the rest of the way into his room. He laid Cas down on his bed and took a moment to appreciate the sight of Cas curled up in his sheets before tucking him in and exiting the room, a small smile on his face.

**AN: Hello again, so, something I want to address quickly, I know it seems like Sam left super quickly after pretty much begging Cas to stay over. There is a reason for this and it will be addressed in the next chapter. When I was proofing it, I thought it sounded a bit awkward and I just wanted to let you know it was supposed to be that way ****. Thank you so much for reading and all the wonderful reviews, favorites and follows you have been sending my way. You guys are awesome!**


	7. Just don't leave Please

**AN: So, I think I'm having a too good a time to stop writing things from Cas' perspective. Next chapter, I'm going to make an honest effort of writing things from Dean's POV, like I originally intended. At the end of this chapter POV gets kind of muddled between the two, but I think it turns out alright. Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 7- Just don't leave. Please.**

**Cas had the sensation that he was floating, and though it wasn't an entirely unpleasant feeling, it did make him dizzy, but before he could protest, he was already falling. **He heard himself grunt as he landed on something soft, which was a relief, and then he was also warm as hands pushed in under his body. He felt secure and cared for, something he was surprised to feel given that he didn't really know where he was. But even if whoever was with him hadn't tucked the fuzzy blanket around him, or paused just long enough to ghost a hand over his cheek; Cas still would have been content. He wished they would stay, but Cas didn't have the energy to call out to them as they stepped away and out the door. Seconds later, he was asleep.

**Cas wasn't a heavy sleeper so when the sounds of conversation came up through the vents, his eyes opened and he squinted at his surroundings. **He knew instinctively that this was Dean's room even though he had never been in here before. He took a moment to look around and appreciate where he was even if he couldn't quite remember what got him here in the first place. The room was small, the bed taking over most of the workable space, but it was covered in black cotton sheets and charcoal gray plush blankets and Cas immediately wanted to curl back up in them. The walls were white and the carpet was brown, but oddly, the mixture worked. Dean did have a few posters on the wall (AC/DC, sports car, hot chick in a skimpy bikini), a desk in the corner piled with textbooks and beer bottles, dirty laundry spilling out of the open closet door, as well as a shelf lined with CD's and Star Wars action figures. Cas smiled. He could stay here forever. He buried his face back into the pillow he had been sleeping on and inhaled, finding the scent of Dean everywhere around him.

He smiled.

It was good.

Then he felt creepy.

He stood.

He could still hear the voices coming from downstairs and when he reached the hallway, he could make them out. Dean and Sam were talking and Cas couldn't be sure, but it sounded like they were talking about him.

"I just can't be around him anymore." Dean was saying and Cas' breath hitched.

"Just tell him Dean." Sam encouraged, "It'll be so much better for both of you if you did." Cas strained to hear Dean's response, but it was Sam who continued, "He deserves to know."

"I know he does. I just, I don't want to lose him. He's become one of my best friends…I just can't anymore." Dean's voice sounded strained and immediately, hot tears pricked Cas' eyes and made them burn.

"If he's really your friend, you won't lose him Dean. He'll understand." Sam comforted and Cas decided he didn't want to hear more. He went into the bathroom and shut the door loudly enough that he knew it would be heard downstairs and leaned over the sink to splash cold water on his face. He had to get rid of the red puffiness around his eyes before he even tried to face Dean. So, Dean didn't want to see him anymore. Found Cas so disgusting that he couldn't even be near him, but still wanted to be his friend. Cas scoffed, what the hell kind of friendship is that? Like, hey! I want to be your friend, but you have to stay in the corner and not make eye contact. Cas knew he couldn't do it. Not with the way his gut clenched every time Dean walked into a room or with the way his voice rumbled through Cas' chest, igniting every nerve in his body. There was no way he could give up on that just to stand in the background, waiting for Dean to throw him some attention when he felt like it.

Cas snapped the faucet handle down in frustration and toweled his face off before leaving the room. It was eerily quiet in the apartment as he toed down the stairs. He entered the living room and got a distinct feeling of _ick. _Sam and Dean were sitting on the couch, both facing him with twin strained smiles on their faces. Cas looked back and forth between the two, eyebrows scrunched together.

"Morning?" He said inquisitively and Sam was finally able to cut through the awkward air.

"Hey Cas," he said, "I was just thinking of making breakfast. Bacon and eggs. You want?" he asked standing and Cas nodded.

"Sounds great, do you need some help?" he asked but Sam waved him away.

"Nah, I'm good." Sam turned toward the kitchen and Cas took up his vacated spot on the couch.

"Did I interrupt something?" Cas asked testing the waters to see how honest Dean would be with him.

"Not at all. Just catching up." Dean informed him, not quite meeting his eyes. Cas nodded. "How're you feeling today?" Dean asked, relaxing into the arm of the couch.

"Alright, my neck hurts a little, but I'm sure I just slept wrong. How did I end up in your bed?" he asked and Dean laughed.

"Man, if I had a dollar every time someone asked me that…"he paused and looked over at Cas who was clearly not sharing in his mirth, "Uh…" Dean looked down, "You were drunk. It was closest to the bathroom." He informed and Cas rolled his eyes.

"Of course. I'm sorry I'm such a pain. I don't…drink much."

"I could tell." Dean chuckled again, "You had like a beer and a half and two shots and you were nearly floored."

"Great." Cas said sarcastically.

"Hey, no harm, no foul. It wasn't all bad." Dean told him, "Got you in my bed didn't I?" Cas' eyes sprang open and he knew he was blushing something fierce. Dean looked a bit surprised at himself as well, but he recovered more quickly than Cas and burst out laughing. "You should see your face!" he shouted.

"Who says things like that?!" Cas returned clearly not amused, "Especially after…" he paused not wanting Dean to know he was eavesdropping. Dean's laughter died on his lips and his smile fell.

"You heard." He said and it wasn't a question. Dean looked like he was going to be sick. Cas looked down. "Cas… I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out that way. I just…"

"You know, I think I do feel a headache coming on. Is there coffee?" he interrupted. He couldn't do this with Dean. Not now. Maybe not ever. He didn't have the strength to sit and listen to Dean detail all the ways in which Cas disgusted him so much that he didn't even want to be around him.

"Cas…" Dean reached for him, but Cas pulled away.

"I should probably just go." Cas backed away from Dean, even as the other followed.

"No. Don't." Dean demanded, but Cas would have to be deaf not to hear the begging tone of his voice and Cas knew he wouldn't leave. Not when Dean's eyes were so conflicted and his own heart was tearing into pieces just seeing the pain so openly displayed on Dean's face, "Please, just stay. I'm sorry. Fuck Cas, I'm so sorry. I'll stay away from you. I won't touch you, I promise. Just please, don't leave." Dean spoke in earnest, but Cas couldn't help but feel confused. Why was Dean making these promises to him? It should be Cas assuring Dean that he would keep his hands to himself, that he would keep as far from him as possible.

"Hey guys…eggs…" Sam poked his head out of the kitchen and Cas and Dean both turned to face him, "…are done…" he finished quietly and slunk back into the kitchen. Dean looked back at Cas and scratched the back of his neck in obvious embarrassment at him early outburst.

"It would be rude to leave after Sam made you breakfast." He said and the corners of Cas' mouth quirked into a quick grin, "And you did say that you would go with him to the game today." He added and Cas sighed in feigned exasperation and passed Dean to sit at the table.

"**Hey man, have you seen my cleats?" Dean called down the stairs to Cas and Sam who both responded in the negative. **"Fuck!" he shouted and rushed down the stairs to rifle through his duffle bag for the third time. "Where the hell are they?" he asked to himself and Cas blinked over at Sam who winked at him, hiding the cleats under a pillow on the couch.

"Where was the last place you had them?" Cas asked.

"They were right in my fucking bag! I took them off after practice and then tossed my bag over here. Then I asked you to grab out my warm-ups," he said pointing at Sam. Dean was quiet, thinking for a moment before he all but pounced on his brother. "Where are they shithead?" Dean put Sam in a headlock and began mussing up his hair with a closed fist.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Sam croaked out.

"I'll cut your hair Sammy. I swear it." Dean threatened but Sam held his ground.

"What are cleats?" Sam asked stupidly and Dean looked over his shoulder at Cas.

"Cas, get the scissors." He commanded but Cas waved him away.

"Oh no, definitely not getting into this one."

"Fine." Dean reached down and tweaked one of Sam's nipples. _Hard. _Sam screamed and tried to thrash out of his brother's grip, but Dean held on tight. "Where are they Sammy?" he held his hand close to Sam's abused skin and the fight left Sam's eyes.

"Alright, alright. You win. Cas has them." Sam said and Dean rounded on his friend.

"Hand them over Cas."

"What?! I so do not have your shoes."

"Cleats."

"Whatever. Sam took them. He's sitting on them."

"Ahhh man! They're gonna be crushed!" Dean whined and pushed Sam off the couch and headfirst onto the floor. There was a thunk and a muffled _owww_ and Dean was standing triumphantly with his cleats in hand. "Nice try Sammy." He said, "Okay, so Jordan is gonna be here in a bit to pick me up. I'm leaving you guys the car so you can drive to the game. You'll have to wait a bit for me to get out of post-game bullshit, but it shouldn't last for more than twenty minutes. And I swear to god, if you scratch my car I'm gonna-Cas what the hell are you wearing?" Dean interrupted himself. Cas looked down at himself and shrugged.

"This is all I have here." He simplified and Dean shook his head.

"You can't wear that to a game. It's football, not a wedding." Dean said gesturing to Cas' white oxford, black slacks and blue tie.

"I hope it's your funeral." Sam grumbled rubbing his head. Dean ignored him but jerked his head in the direction of the stairs, indicating that Cas should follow him up. They entered Dean's room and Cas stood over in the corner furthest away from the bed. Dean, however, began digging through his closet. Dean opened a couple of plastic tubs that contain more shirts and goes through them before smiling and pulling out a vintage-looking light blue t-shirt. He walked back over to Cas and scrunches the shirt up in his hands.

"Take your shirt off." Dean says and Cas could have died on the spot. His hands are nervous and shaky, but he barely hesitates as he reaches up to undo the knot in his tie, then the buttons and he shakes the shirt off his shoulders, watching Dean the whole time. Dean's eyes never leave his, though Cas can tell that there was a bit of struggle behind them. When the material fluttered to the ground, Dean stepped forward and shoved the shirt over Cas' head. "It's my practice shirt from last year." Dean told him as his head popped out from the neck of the tee. "It says Winchester on the back." Cas stuffed his arms into the holes and Dean gripped them hem of the shirt and pulled it down Cas' torso. The material was a soft cotton and slightly clingy so Cas felt the barest hint of Dean's fingernails brush his ribs as he pulled the fabric down. "I hope that's okay." He said in a near whisper and Cas was barely able to manage a nod. There came a honking from outside and Dean gave Cas a small smile. "I have to get to practice." He said lightly as he backed away.

"Dean! Ride's here!" Sam yelled up the stairs and Dean turned away from him, leaving Cas to follow shakily in his wake. Dean was at the bottom of the stairs, just as Cas reached the top and he saw Dean shoulder his gear bag, hug Sam and then walk to the door. He looked up at Cas' for the briefest of moments before disappearing out the door. Cas' legs finally refused to support him any longer and he sat down at the top of the stairs, until Sam rounded the corner asking him something about playing Scrabble. Cas smiled and agreed, trying to steady himself as his world shook.

**AN: Guys, I don't want to excite you or anything, but I may just finish this story up this weekend. My ex is going to be moving out (finally) and because he's an ass and I'm passive aggressive, I've refused to help him. This will most likely result in multiple chapter updates and lots of slashy goodness for you! Hooray! **** Honestly, I've really come to love this story. As I write further chapters (getting more into the yummy stuff *winkwink*) I find myself getting really into it and taking time to really think about how I want things to happen and where I want this story to go. It's a pretty new experience for me because my usual MO is to just write whatever comes to mind and add things later if it needs it, but I want this story to be…MORE and I hope you can see that. Thanks so much for reading. *cuddles all my readers because I'm feeling emotional at the moment***


	8. Let's go get some pie!

**AN: Guys, I feel like I lied to you. I promised stellar updates and I gave you nothing. I suck. I was just so distracted this weekend. I know it's not much of an excuse, but it's the only one I have. Hopefully, the double update today will make up for my negligence a bit. Forgive me?**

**Chapter Eight- Let's go get some pie!**

**The roar of the crowd was tremendous and Cas had to struggle** not to reach up and cover his ears as he followed Sam up the stadium stairs to their assigned seat. Sam turned to point to their seats and Cas groaned. They were six rows from the top. He had half a mind to ask Sam to carry him. He stomped grudgingly in Sam's shadow and nearly bumped into him when Sam stopped to turn down the aisle. Then, to make matters worse, they had to navigate to the direct middle of the already crowded row and it was all awkward _excuse mes _and_ oh, that was your foot! I'm sorry, _and_ I nearly fell in your lap, but I hope that it's not weird between us now._

Finally, _mercifully, _the two arrived at their seats and Cas sat down firmly in his, planting his roots and resigning himself to what was sure to be the longest three hours of his life.

**Forty-five minutes later, Cas stood next to Sam screaming his head off as **a blue clad player successfully made it into the brightly painted rectangle at the end of the field. Sam laughed and patted him on the back.

"See Cas, I told you you'd get into it!" he said enthusiastically and Cas smiled back up at him.

"Who knew?" he said and cheered again. To be honest, it wasn't as if Cas was entirely enjoying himself, (he still found football kind of lame and brutish) but he found himself caught up in the crowd's enthusiasm and he actually felt a bit awkward to be the only one sitting, not making a sound. So, gritting his teeth, he stood and took Sam's lead on when to cheer and when to make the disappointed a_hhh _sound and when to yell obscenities at the referee and when to _Think fast! _Because a hotdog was being hurtled through the air. But Cas wasn't enjoying himself, not at all.

"It's almost half-time." Sam said, "if we moved down the bleachers, we should be able to catch Dean before he goes into the locker room."

"Why would we want to do that?" Cas asked and Sam shrugged.

"Let him know we're here."

"But he knows we came to the game." Cas contended, not really sure why he was arguing.

"Yeah," Sam rolled his eyes, "but it's always good to show your support. I know he'll be looking for us."

"How could you possible know that?" Cas asked with a jut of his hip and a small scoff.

"Because I go to see him at half-time every game I come to and I know he's gonna want you there too." Sam shrugged like it was completely natural for Dean to need to see Cas, "c'mon, if we don't go now, all the good spots will be taken." Sam didn't give Cas time to answer and instead, opted for more physical means as he grabbed Cas' wrist and yanked him across the aisle. Cas was jolted, but fell into step behind Sam, his mind so focused on getting to Dean that he forgot to say sorry as he smashed toes in his wake.

**The whistle signaling the end of the second half was shrill **but it was barely heard over the screams and cheers of the home team supporters. It was halftime and the Jayhawks were up by two touchdowns. They were in a very good place, better than they had been in the past at this time and the stadium was practically electrified by the flurry of activity and devotion of the fans it held. Cas could see the Jayhawks retreating from the field and his eyes were immediately drawn toward number 43, who was now removing his helmet and toweling his sweaty face. Cas' knees went all wobbly and he had to grip the bannister beneath his hands more tightly. It was a thin barrier set on the field for the fans to do a meet and greet with the players at half-time. It wasn't much time, but you had a moment to shove a ball and a pen in the hand of your favorite player before they were whisked off the field and down into the locker rooms. Cas found himself bouncing on the tips of his toes in anticipation and quieted down as Sam gave him a knowing smirk.

"Chill Cas, they just have to wait for the band to get out of the way." Sam laughed bringing a faint tint to Cas' cheeks.

"I am chill Sam." Is what he wanted to say, but at that very moment, the boys in blue were crossing the small patch of field that connected them with the few hundred fans that stood with them for the meet and greet and Cas quite forgot how to function.

"Sammy!" Cas heard the shout the instant before impact. Cas looked over at Dean as he embraced his brother, beyond excited to see him although they had parted only scant hours before. Cas waited patiently for Dean to (hopefully) acknowledge him and it was with a slight trembling of heart that he watched Dean pull away from his brother and open his arms to him. Cas was about to fling himself into them, when Dean surreptitiously dropped his arms and ruffled Cas' hair instead. Dean's earlier promise of not touching him surfaced to mind and Cas felt ice run through his veins. He smiled as though it didn't matter and attempted to flatten his hair in annoyance.

"Enjoying the game?" he asked in generally, but Cas felt the question directed at him. Before Cas could answer though, a KU flag was shoved into Dean's hand and he hastily scrawled over it before handing it back to the kid with a smile. Someone patted Dean on the back and then one of his teammates came up behind him and whispered in his ear. Dean nodded to him and looked back at Cas and Sam apologetically. "I gotta go." He said and Sam pulled him into another quick hug.

"You're doing great man." Sam said and Dean beamed at him. Cas stood, not knowing what to say, but Dean was looking at him with something akin to longing and Cas wished he was brave enough to hug Dean too.

"Good luck." Cas said with a soft smile that Dean returned and even though Dean smiled at everyone, Cas knew that in that moment, that smile was just for him.

**An hour and a half later, Sam and Cas were sitting inside Dean's car, waiting for **him to return from the locker rooms so they could drive home. As they sat, Cas wondered what kind of mood Dean would be in. Things had been going well for the Jayhawks until and injury forced out their running-back and the Longhorns were able to scrape a lead with a touch-down and then a win from a two point conversion. It was a close game, a good game, but that wouldn't matter to the players, it never did.

"You know, you could have hugged him today if you wanted." Sam spoke up randomly, turning in the front seat to face Cas in the back. Cas tried to appear as if what Sam had just suggested hadn't the slightest effect on him, but his body was already buzzing with what he identified as dread.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He deflected, darting his eyes down and picking at the label on his water bottle. He didn't know what to expect, but it definitely wasn't Sam's booming laughter.

"Please Cas. You would have to be blind, deaf, and completely mentally incompetent to not see the way you two look at each other." Cas' head shot up and he stared at Sam with scared eyes. He immediately began stammering his way through a denial, but he couldn't find the right words.

"I-I…no, that's not…I mean…I…Dean would _never_…" and then he was frustrated because Sam would not stop laughing.

"Dean would never? Really?" Sam asked and Cas felt daggers pierce his eyes. He wasn't exactly sure why tears were forming, but he couldn't stop them now that he'd started. He gasped as Sam's hand cupped his cheek and wiped away the solitary tear Cas had tried his damnedest to hold back, "that's not what he told me." Sam divulged in a quiet voice but before Cas could question him further, a quick banging sounded from behind him them and they both looked out the back window to see Dean standing at the trunk, waiting for Sam to toss him the keys to stow his gear inside. Sam sighed at Cas and gave him a sympathetic sort of smile before opening the trunk up for Dean.

Cas turned and faced front as Dean slid in the car followed by Sam. It was silent as Dean turned over the engine and a low rumbling sounded from the classic car, but Dean made no move to shift the car into gear. Finally he sighed and turned to the side, eyes flicking between Sam and Cas, respectively.

"Thanks for being there today guys. It was great knowing you were up there."

"You played really well today Dean." Sam said and Dean chuckled but there was no humor behind it.

"Obviously not well enough." Sam placed his hand on Dean's shoulder and squeezed a bit before letting go and settling back in his seat. Cas remained silent, not because he was nervous or anything, he simply did not know what to say to comfort Dean. He wanted to though. He wanted to be able to reach across the seat and touch Dean as Sam had. Cas didn't miss the grateful glance Dean shot Sam's way as his large hand covered his shoulder. He wanted Dean to look at him like that. "You know what?" Dean suddenly spoke up after about thirty seconds of silence. Cas and Sam both looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. "Let's go get some pie."

**Sunday came too soon and Cas found that he was just as sad about Sam **leaving to go back to California as Dean seemed to be. In the whole whopping fifty-three hours spent in each other's company, Cas felt an odd sort of kinship with Sam. It was completely different than what he felt around Dean, but it was no less powerful. As Sam slid into an easy embrace with Dean, he stood off to the side, waiting his turn and when it came, he was swallowed into a Sam-style bear hug and he held on longer than he thought he would. He couldn't forget the wisdom or secrets Sam shared with him the previous night and it pained him that his new friend would be going so far away. But Sam had promised him that he would be back around Thanksgiving and Cas promised Sam (and a silently hopeful Dean) that he would come and stay over break as well.

Cas pulled his arms tighter around Sam's neck and felt Sam do the same around his waist before slipping away. He smiled at Cas, "Remember what we talked about Cas." He said and Cas nodded as Sam slipped into his Stanford buddy's car and waved at them through the window. Cas and Dean waved back and the car pulled away. They watched it go in silence and when it turned the corner and drove out of sight, Cas followed Dean inside, making their ways to their customary positions on the couch.

It was quiet for a while until Cas noticed that Dean was pinching the bridge of his nose in between his thumb and forefinger.

"Man, I hate it when he leaves." Dean complained in a gruff voice and Cas was startled to see that his eyes were red-rimmed and slightly bloodshot.

"Dean-" Cas began but wasn't sure where to go from there, so reflecting upon Sam's words and trusting his instinct, he hesitantly reached forward and placed his hand on top of Dean's that rested upon his knee. It took a few moments, but Dean's hand slowly curled around Cas', taking the support it had to offer. Their fingers threaded together and Dean squeezed, pulling slightly to urge Cas closer.

**AN: Guys, I need a beta. Help me. Please. (Just make sure you have PM's enabled on your profile)**


	9. Are you asking me on a date?

**AN: I thought it would be okay to end the previous chapter where I did because I was giving you a double-update. Don't hate me **

**Chapter Nine- Are you asking me on a date?**

**Midterms passed without a hitch and Cas and Dean allowed themselves** a celebratory night off with pizza and beer (Cas was only allowed two), and the two had plenty to be happy about, Dean was now (just) passing his classes, Cas had actually been extended an invitation to an orientation at the School of Engineering graduate program and Sam would be coming back in less than a week. The week leading up to Thanksgiving break passed swiftly for Cas but unfortunately, he was able to see less and less of Dean as his own finals were quickly approaching. He put the book he was reading down when there was a honk outside his window. Cas stood and peered through the glass, smiling when he saw Dean's black Impala in the drive. Hurrying to his bed, he schlepped his bag and practically ran out of the room, down the stairs, and out to where Dean was waiting. He jumped into the front seat calling a quick "hey!" to Dean who responded in the like.

Cas tossed his bag over his shoulder into the backseat pulled out his cell phone to check his messages. The last one he had received was from Sam about three hours ago giving him his flight information. Dean was at football practice, so he had to wait to replay the info to him but now they were on their way to KCI to pick Sam up from the flight that would be arriving in about an hour. As Dean pulled out of the drive, Cas rolled down the window and reached over to turn the music up. Dean looked over at him and smiled.

"You know, I've killed people for less than that." He warned but Cas just leaned his head back and sighed in contentment.

"I don't even care." Cas turned his head to the side and looked at Dean, "I'm too excited for this weekend to care."

"Excited?" Dean scoffed, "You're just going to be hanging out at my place for the next five days. You do that all the time."

"Yeah, but this time, Sam's gonna be there." Cas confessed mostly just to see the flicker of annoyance that passed through Dean's gaze. Dean shot his eyes over to Cas and his hands gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter.

"So," Dean began cautiously, "You're looking forward to seeing Sam then?"

"Of course I am." Cas admitted vaguely but Dean pressed on, feeling a spark of jealousy course through him, unbidden and surprising.

"Is Sam the only reason you're excited for this weekend?"

"Of course not," Cas said and continued this time, encouraged by the smirk Dean gave him, "I'm excited for lots of things this week."

"Oh yeah, like what?" Dean wasn't sure why he was refusing to let this go, but for some reason he needed to hear that Cas was looking forward to spending the time with him too. After what happened nearly a month prior to this day, Dean needed the reassurance that the verbal declaration would offer. Cas though, seemed intent on fucking with him.

"Like food and Christmas lights and football, I guess." Cas answered with a cheeky grin, Dean mock punched his arm. "Oh, and I guess hanging out with you all week won't be too terrible." Dean snarled and reached over to ruffle up Cas' hair and roughly push his head to the side. Cas laughed and batted Dean's hand away, but smiling as Dean took it in his own placed it on the seat between them. Dean turned a smile in his direction, asking silently if this was okay. Cas squeezed his hand in answer.

**Dean kept Cas' hand firmly enclosed within his **until he pulled up to the curb airport. Dean threw the car in park and pulled out his phone to text Sam, letting him know they were there. Not a minute later, Sam stepped through the doors and they jumped out of the car at the sight of him. Dean went to unlock the trunk for Sam's bags but Cas hopped up on the platform and enclosed Sam in a hug. Sam dropped his bags to return it and Dean's smile left his face as he turned to look at the pair of them. Cas never touched him like that, so easily and freely, like there was nothing else he'd rather do. Dean had thought that they had made progress on the night that Sam left over a month ago, but he hadn't been able to spend much time with Cas since then. The comfort Cas offered him that night was cursory at best, but Dean had been allowed to touch him, to soak into his warmth and that had given him hope. But now, seeing him with Sam, he wasn't sure.

He knew that Cas talked to Sam over the phone and they had regular Skype dates, but Dean hadn't realized how deep their friendship actually ran until Cas accidentally mentioned something to Dean about his past that he knew he never shared with him. Sam had told Cas about how their mother had died and about their abusive father and Dean tried hard not to feel threatened. He wanted to tell Cas these things, wanted to be able to confide with him and have Cas trust in him too, but it was so hard to break the barrier between them. The fact that Sam could do it so easily was disconcerting. But then, there were times, like just a moment ago in the car that Dean felt the barrier crumble just a bit and his affection for Cas was allowed to bleed through the veil. It had felt right in that moment and it still felt right now, but he couldn't help but be a bit jealous of his little brother.

Dean shook his head and pretended not to be staring as Sam released Cas and the pair made their way over to him. Sam tossed his bags in the trunk and pulled Dean into a tight one-armed hug before moving toward the front seat as Cas hopped in back. Dean revved up the engine and pulled the car away from the curb and began the hour-long drive back to Lawrence, listening to Sam and Cas chat animatedly about Sam's flight, the odd people he meets in California, and all about the stupid new TA Cas had in his Bio-chem class. He droned on and on about how she made more mistakes in five minutes than he had made all semester and about how she was constantly asking Cas to help her with her lesson plans and how she was basically just a small step above literate. Sam laughed at his description, but Dean only listened with half an ear so when they called for his opinion, he wasn't entirely ready to give it.

"Sounds shitty Cas." Was all he offered and could feel the questioning glances from them both, but he didn't say any more and there was momentary silence before Sam continued on talking, prattling on about something Cas was responding very enthusiastically to, but Dean was too busy brooding to listen to what it was.

**As Dean pulled into his customary parking spot in front of his building, Cas and Sam hopped out of the car **still chattering away. It was beginning to make Dean's head hurt and he reached up to check that his ears weren't bleeding. He popped the trunk open for Sam and then walked away from them without a word, knowing it was rude, but he didn't care. He just needed to get away from them and their easy camaraderie for a while. It was just too frustrating to be around and Dean didn't want to lash out at them unnecessarily. So, when he let himself into his apartment, he went straight up to his room and shut the door behind him.

**Sam and Cas followed closely behind Dean and were surprised when **he went up to his room without a word. They looked at each other questioningly and Sam shrugged.

"Maybe you should go talk to him." Sam suggested but Cas shook his head.

"I think he's upset because I've been keeping all your attention. He probably needs to talk to you right now."

"Well, one of us needs to go or else this is gonna be a long week." Sam stated and Cas laugh, nodding in agreement.

"I really do think it should be you." Cas said, "I'll order some dinner. How does Jimmy Johns sound?"

"Great. I'll take two number tens, salt and vinegar chips, two pickles, and a chocolate chip cookie. Oh, and a large Dr. Pepper." He ordered and Cas raised his eyebrows.

"Anything else? Maybe the entire stock of bread while you're at it?" Cas joked and Sam looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Nah… ask me again tomorrow though." Sam said and Cas pushed him up the stairs as he made his way down the other flight into the living room.

**Sam knocked on Dean's door but received no response so he opened it a crack and stuck his head in. **Dean was sitting, twirling listlessly in his desk chair, but stopped as soon as Sam entered.

"Cas is ordering Jimmy John's." Sam informed him, "I was just wondering what you wanted."

"Cas and I have Jimmy John's at least twice a week. He knows what I get." Dean dismissed but Sam stepped into the room anyway.

"Tell me what's bothering you then." Sam sat upon Dean's bed and leaned on his elbow against the pillows.

"It's nothing Sammy." Dean lied, beginning to twirl again.

"Dean, really? You're my best friend and my brother. You can't lie to me. It would be so much easier if you just tell me what the hell's up." Sam said and then rolled his eyes at Dean's eye roll.

"Fine Sammy, it's just…"Dean paused and sighed, looking like he was struggling for words, "I don't know how to talk to him Sammy." Sam's eyes were surprised, but squinted in confusion.

"I thought you said things were going well."

"They are, as well as they could be, I guess, but it's like we're stuck. I don't know how to move forward." Dean put his head in his hands and rubbed his face in frustration, "and seeing how he acts with you, how fucking simple it is for him just to talk to you is so damn annoying. It's supposed to be natural with me, he's supposed to want to confide in me." Dean blew out a breath when he was finished and looked at his brother apologetically, but Sam was just smiling at him.

"Dean, you are so amazingly obtuse. Have you ever given a thought as to _why _Cas finds it easier to talk to me than it is to you?" Dean shook his head, "I'll give you two reasons. Number one, is because he doesn't have the same feelings for me as he does for you and number two," Sam smirked and Dean perked up a bit, "is because we spend ninety-five percent of our time talking about you."

"Really?" Dean asked in a voice that was slightly high-pitched in his surprise. Dean quickly cleared his throat and Sam's smile grew.

"Well, what does he say?" Dean scooted up onto the edge of his chair and gazed anxiously at Sam.

"Oh no, no, no…" Sam back-peddled as he stood, "I'm not going to make it that easy for you. I've already told you more than I should. If you want any more, you're gonna have to talk to Cas about it yourself."

"What?! That's bullshit Sam! You can't just leave me hanging like that." Dean said incredulously starting after Sam.

"You wouldn't be left hanging if you'd just man up and talk to Cas." Sam smirked and had to dodge a paperweight being thrown at his head as he escaped Dean's attacks and ran down the hall towards where Cas was still placing the online order. "I think he's going to be alright now." Sam informed Cas who was visibly relieved.

"That's good." Cas nodded, "Food will be here in twenty." Sam's stomach rumbled.

"Just in time too."

**It was two o'clock in the morning and Cas was beginning to feel the effects of sleep deprivation (and alcohol). **He yawned long and loud, slightly obnoxiously, but he didn't care. Cas began nodding off on Sam's knee and as soon as his head clunked against the knobbly bone, Dean flicked off the TV and Sam ruffled Cas' hair from where he sat on the couch above him.

"Why don't you take the guest room tonight Cas." Sam suggested, "I slept on the plane, so I won't be going to bed for a while now." Cas nodded sleepily, swaying a bit as he stood. He felt a hand catch just underneath his elbow and craned his neck around to see Dean standing close behind him. Cas let himself be led up the stairs and into the guest room, down onto the bed and tucked beneath the covers. Dean sat on the edge of the bed and stroked a finger on the inside of Cas' wrist.

"Cas…" he began nearly whispered and Cas made a soft noise in response to show he was listening though his eyes were closed, "Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and there's somewhere I'd like to take you after dinner, if that's alright." Dean said and Cas gave a small giggle, opening his eyes a fraction.

"Are you asking me on a date?" he said with a smile and was shocked by the serious tone in which Dean undeniably told him, "Yes." Cas' eyes opened wider and he shifted up on his elbow to look at Dean in the eyes. "You…" he whispered but Dean just licked his lips and moved his fingers down to ghost over the top of Cas' hand.

"So, will you come?" Dean asked again and Cas unequivocally nodded in return, his throat seeming to seize up around any words. "Thank you." Dean sighed out and pressed his forehead to Cas' before taking his leave. Cas fell back against the pillows, sighing, but with a giant smile on his face.

**AN: Guys, thank you so much for your patience with this story. It makes me so happy that so many people are enjoying it. Also, I was serious. I need a beta. I really hate mistakes, but when I try to edit, I skip over things because I'm too familiar with the story that I skip over things. I need fresh eyes. All I ask is that you be willing to share your ideas and opinions honestly with me (and be one hell of an editor) Please PM me if you're interested.**


	10. Plaza Lights

**AN: Thanks for sticking with me. Things are going to progress more quickly form here. I haven't really gotten down to fully writing the ending out yet, but we're in the home stretch. I'm thinking maybe 3-5 more chapters?**

**Chapter 10- Plaza Lights**

**Dean paced around his room but kept stopping in front of the mirror **every few steps to check his reflection. He smoothed down the black button-up he was wearing and tucked in the pockets of his dark denim jeans before he turned to look over his shoulder. He strained up on the tips of his toes to ensure that his calves looked nice and then bent forward a bit, before adjusting his pants so they best hugged his ass(et). He glanced down at his watch. It was five o'clock. The ceremony he was taking Cas to was to begin at seven and traffic was going to be hell. They needed to get a move on. After checking his butt out from different angles and deciding it was satisfactory, he faced his reflection in the mirror for a pre-date pep talk.

"All right Winchester, you can do this. You're young, manly, and super-hot. You (well Sam really, but he wasn't going to admit that) planned this totally kick ass date and Cas is gonna eat it up." He smirked at himself and his reflection winked back at him, "You look good man. You've got this." Dean made a few last minute adjustments to his hair and then stepped back, taking a final overall look and appreciating the view. "Winchester, you're so hot, I'm about to fall in love with you." He told himself with a smile and then exited the room, moving downstairs where Cas was sitting with his eyes closed, head resting on his arm while Sam stretched out across the couch with his feet in Cas' lap in a full-on food coma. He was snoring slightly and Dean had to resist the urge to knock him on his ass. Instead, he crept up to Cas and lightly shook him. Cas' eyes opened and Dean placed his hand on his cheek, rubbing the scruffy skin lightly with his thumb.

"You ready to go?" he whispered and Cas nodded. Dean carefully lifted Sam's feet and Cas slid out from underneath them, glancing around for a blanket to cover Sam with. When that was done, they headed outside and into Dean's car. They had been on the road for about five minutes when Dean's cell phone vibrated and he slid the screen lock off to find a message from Sam.

_Have fun. _It said, _P.S. I put a blanket in the trunk._

Dean smiled. He really did need to start being nicer to his little brother.

**Dean groaned, he hated traffic, they should have left the house sooner**. It was already six fifteen and they still had almost a ten mile drive outside the city and traffic was nearly at a standstill. Dean knew that when they passed this next stop light, it would be smooth sailing, but getting there was the problem and driving through the heart of the city was unavoidable in order to get where they were going.

**~Four days before Thanksgiving~**

It was over Skype a few days before Sam flew in that Dean had told him that he wanted to take Cas out.

He didn't have a clue as to what Cas liked to do in his free time and his dates usually consisted of burgers and sex, so he swallowed his pride and turned to his little brother for help.

"I mean, I could take him to a bookstore or something, but I don't see how I can turn that into a valid date."

"Bookstores are totally date worthy, but we wouldn't want you to be too out of your element here." Sam commented unhelpfully, "You could always take him to the Plaza on Thanksgiving." he suggested with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Why the hell would I do that?" Dean asked genuinely confused.

"Seriously? We've lived in Kansas all our lives and you've somehow managed to miss the biggest celebration of the year. Good lord, you're an idiot."

"Watch it Sammy…" Dean warned but Sam just rolled his eyes and continued.

"The Plaza Lighting Ceremony?" Sam prompted, eyebrow raised in disbelief at Dean's blank stare, "Just Google it. I'll wait." Sam said and Dean did. Every year, in downtown Kansas City, the Plaza held a massive Christmas tree lighting ceremony on Thanksgiving night. Thousands of people were always in attendance and the whole town was lit up in holiday lights, but it seemed like one huge mess to Dean. He switched the main screen back to Sam's impatient face.

"Looks like it sucks." Dean said referring to the crowds that he knew for a fact Cas wasn't overly fond of.

"It's amazing. You wouldn't think it would be so exciting, but it is. When all those lights go up, it's like daytime. It's kind of…powerful in a way." Dean rolled his eyes at Sam.

"You're such a fucking girl."

"And you're a dick. What else is new?" Sam retorted and glared at Dean before continuing, "Listen, I know a kid that goes here. He's from Kansas City and we've kind of become friends. He told me that his grandparents have a house down on the Plaza. I bet I can convince him to talk to them about letting you use their backyard."

"And how would you do that?" Dean asked skeptically and Sam looked shyly away.

"Well, we've gotten kind of…close recently." He said in a soft sort of voice, like he was breaking the news to a very angry bear.

"Sam Winchester. Are you telling me that you've got a boyfriend?" Dean said with a smile but Sam glanced quickly around, appearing a bit shifty.

"Shut up Dean and no, I don't. I'm in study hall by the way." Sam informed him, but Dean's smile just got wider.

"But you do like him then?" he pressed on and Sam actually blushed casting quick glances to his immediate right.

"I'm so not getting into this right now." Sam said with a slight blush on his cheeks.

"Is he there now?" Dean asked and Sam was silent, face in full-on bitch mode, "Alright, alright Sammy. Please continue."

Dean let it drop for the moment, mostly because he wanted to hear why this old dude's back yard was so important and he knew that Sam would refuse to help if Dean annoyed him too much. "Anyway…" Sam pointedly changed the subject, "Gabe said that his grandparent's live up in The Hills. The view is incomparable, especially at this time of year. It over-looks the entire city, I could talk to him and see if he could talk them into letting you use their yard for your date."

"Ugh, Sammy. Don't use that word."

"Well what else would you call it?"

"Fuck, I don't know. Something not as girly." Dean grumbled rubbing his face in exasperation.

"Alright, I'll ask Gabe what he can do to help out with your Special Manly Hang Out Time."

"My what?" Dean asked and Sam sighed.

"I'll call you soon." He said and signed off. Dean snapped his computer shut and almost immediately, he received a text from Sam.

_Gabe said it was fine. You'll need to meet with them tomorrow before noon. Bring $200 cash._

**~Present Day~**

_**This view better be worth it. **_**Dean grumbled to himself, but he'd checked it out yesterday and knew that it was. **The driveway that led up to the multi-million dollar palace replica curved out and around the house and then out into its own private road that wound around a small lake and a wooded area and rounded out on the edge of a cliff that was high enough to enable the viewer to see passed the Plaza and out into downtown Kansas City. Dean had been impressed with the view, but the old guy was kind of a dick. He rolled his eyes at the memory.

"I'm seriously put upon letting you youngsters run around all willy-nilly on my property. You're very lucky Gabriel is my only grandson or else this would not be happening."

"I understand sir. We'll only stay for the ceremony and then we'll be out of your…uhm… hair." Dean said with a grimace as the man was almost entirely bald.

"Quite." The man said staring at Dean with the stink-eye. Dean left the property two-hundred dollars short, but with buzzed with the anticipation of brining Cas here in a couple days.

Now, he glanced across the seat at Cas who was staring out the window in obvious confusion. Dean grinned, he wasn't going to know what hit him.

He made a promise to himself to really, really be nice to Sam in the future.

"What's up?" Dean asked knowing perfectly well why Cas looked so confused.

"At first I thought we were staying for the lights, but you're driving us further out of town. Where are we going?" Cas asked turning to face Dean.

"What kind of date would I be if I ruined the surprise?" he asked and Cas looked demurely away, a grin playing out over his lips. Dean reached over and pulled Cas' hand into his and it was with a satisfied feeling that he pulled off onto the private road leading to the cliff.

**Dean rounded the bend and parked the car as close to the edge of the cliff as was safely possible. **He made sure there would be enough room to move around and walk out further if they wanted, but Dean was planning on sticking close to the car in case things got…cold. It was November after all.

"We're here." Dean declared as he stepped out of the car. Cas followed him and walked up to the guardrail, placing his hands on the cool metal an expression of awe on his face.

"Dean…" his voice was quiet, "this is…amazing." Cas turned to look at him. "How did you find this place?" he asked and Dean shrugged.

"I did have help." He admitted leaning against the hood of the Impala.

"We'll be able to see everything." Cas said coming to rest against the car next to Dean.

"Yeah."

"I can't wait." Cas told him with a smile, "I've actually never been to this. I've lived in Kansas all my life and never once have I come here."

"Me either." Dean said with a small chuckle.

"How much longer before the lights come on?" Cas asked and Dean checked his phone for the time.

"About ten minutes." Dean answered getting up off the hood to fetch the blanket Sam said had packed, "I'll be back in a sec." popping open his trunk, he found not only a blanket, but also a six-pack of Dean's favorite beer. He really did need to appreciate Sam more. He pulled out the blanket and two beers before making his way back over to Cas. He tossed the blanket in Cas' lap before twisting off the lids of the beers and shoving the metal into his pocket. He handed one to Cas and put the other to his lips, taking a large gulp before sliding back up on the hood of his car. The next few minutes passed in companionable silence, the two just listening to the echoes of the massive choir singing carols below.

"Is it almost time?" Cas asked impatiently and Dean checked his phone again.

"Three minutes." He said and Cas hopped off the hood, taking Dean's bottle from him and finding it empty.

"Another?" he asked and Dean nodded.

"You know me so well." He smiled and Cas came back with two beers and a disappointed look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"I can't get the tops off." He pouted and Dean barked out a breath of laughter, taking the beers from Cas, opening them and handing one back. Cas accepted it and then shivered, bringing his arms around himself as he leaned his hip against the right fender. Dean looked at Cas and then down at the blanket. He set the beer in between his thighs before picking up the blanket and unfolding it. Gathering his courage, he looked back up at Cas, fear in his eyes, but a steely determination making its presence known as well. Cas was still fairly close to him and it didn't take much for Dean to lean over and slide his hand around Cas' wrist.

"Come here." Dean voiced quietly and was proud of how steady it sounded, regardless of his jumbled nerves. Cas walked over to him without hesitation and moved easily in front of him and Dean's hands went slowly from Cas' wrist to his waist, turning him so he would be facing the ceremony. Dean pulled the beer from his lap and set it to the side before adding a gentle squeeze of his hands to encourage Cas to settle back against him. Cas did and Dean could have sighed in relief as he reluctantly released his hold on Cas in favor of wrapping the blanket around them both.

Dean searched out Cas' hands and passed the corners of the blanket into them before sliding his hands slowly over Cas' wrists, down his arms, and back around his waist, resting them gently on Cas' stomach. Dean couldn't deny how perfectly Cas fit against him as he leaned forward and placed his chin on his shoulder, gingerly nuzzling his nose into the warm skin of Cas' neck. He closed his eyes, letting himself become lost in the feel of having Cas so close to him and moved his mouth close to Cas' ear.

"Tell me this is okay, Cas. Please." He whispered desperately and Cas turned to look at him just as the lights lit up below. Dean watched the lights illuminate through Cas' eyes and found he couldn't hold back anymore. He didn't even want to try.

Dean tilted his head up and claimed Cas' lips in a soft embrace, applying a slight pressure that was more than reciprocated. Cas' mouth opened beneath his and his tongue plundered through as he turned in Dean's arms, dropping his beer and the blanket in favor of wrapping his own arms around Dean's shoulders. Dean tightened his grip around Cas as his hands flattened themselves over his back, pressing his body closer. A low moan fell from Cas' lips that Dean greedily caught up as he deepened the kiss. Cas' mouth was so hot and Dean couldn't help it when he slid his hands back to Cas' waist, this time slipping under the hem of his shirt.

Cas sucked in a breath of air through their kiss as Dean's thumbs circled on his hips and Dean felt him bite down on his bottom lip, tugging gently before delving full force back into the kiss. Cas' skin was lava underneath his fingers as his hands ghosted over his stomach, his ribs, his back, just anywhere he could reach without pushing both of them too far. He wouldn't scare Cas away, not now that Dean had just become brave enough to bridge the gap between them and he refused to let Cas go now that he knew what it was like to have him in his arms.

Reluctantly and too soon for them both, Dean pulled away, ending the intense kiss with a soft peck to Cas' lips. Cas' eyes were at half-mast and a hazy grin graced his face.

"We missed the lights." He stated and Dean could tell he felt bad for losing control. Cas ducked his head but Dean caught his chin in his hands and pushed it back up, making his expression as serious as he could while fighting his extreme arousal.

"I didn't." he said clearly and Cas surged forward, stealing Dean's breath as they delved into each other again.

Dean really had to remember to thank Sam.

**AN: And sometimes, I like my slash served with a side of cheese. I don't usually do fluffy, cheese ball scenes like this date so don't ask me why I did it this time, I can't give you an answer. It just felt…right. I don't know. Also, just a bit of side info…extortionist old people in KC that live right on the plaza will really let you sit in their driveways to watch the ceremony, for a price. The views really are spectacular and the Lighting Ceremony is always so cool. Hope you liked! Thanks for reading!**


	11. Your car is so much sexier

**AN: (fair warning: I'm about to get emotional) Okay, so I know that this may come across as seriously cliché and overdramatic, but I think we know each other well enough to let that slide for a bit, yes? Good… I love you guys so much. Thank you, seriously for all your support (even you silent followers) I can't even express how happy (and a bit teary) it makes me that you are enjoying this story. This is probably the first fanfiction that I have written that I feel I actually have an emotional bond with and I'm pretty sure that has a lot to do with you, the readers. This is your story now (yes, yes I know it's cheesy) but I'm very serious. I may be writing it, but it's all for you. I really, truly do love you. Thanks guys.**

**Ahem.**

**On a side note, DAMN GHURL, you need to get a profile so I can comment on your reviews! :) I do try and reply to each and every review and sometimes, I give out SPOILERS, especially to people who ask questions (or if I just really enjoy talking to you- here's looking at you Libranfate, LeahRose-Chan, and Maybaby34)**

**Ugh. I wish I was able to write a special note to all of you individually just to tell you how appreciative I truly am, but that would take a while and I'm sure you just want to read the story, not this novel of an author's note.**

**Another fair warning: This chapter does contain sexual situations, but I'm hoping you'll still find it tasteful and not just pointless smut (or tacky erotica-thank you DAMN GHURL for making me paranoid now haha :P) and this one chapter is officially longer than the longest one-shot I have written. You're welcome. :D**

**Let's get on with it shall we?**

**Chapter Eleven- Your car is so much sexier**

"**Yeah, I'd love to see you." **There was a slight pause in the dialog and Dean turned his head to the side just in time to see Cas step off the last stair leading into the living room. "Of course we can today. I just have to help Dean out with something in a few hours then we…" Cas glanced over to where Sam's voice was trailing from the kitchen and he sat next to Dean, not even thinking twice before stealing the coffee cup out of his hands.

"Who's he talking to?" Cas asked sipping on Dean's coffee, "mmm…"he moaned, "Is this Sumatra roast from Starbucks?"

"A friend from school and yes, it is." Dean answered glaring at him. Cas smiled and took another drink, cuddling the mug close to his chest as he leaned against the corner of the couch, bringing his legs up to his chest.

"Yeah, just pick me up from the stadium if you want…Not sure, it's something to do with his final…Oh, you do…" Sam carried on unaware of his brother's eavesdropping habits.

"That must be Gabriel." Cas informed him.

"Gabriel? Isn't he back in California?"

"I think he has family here." Cas said drinking again.

"So why are they making plans to hang out today? Don't they see each other enough at school?"

"I think it makes sense that they'd want to see each other more. I mean, they've been dating for over a month now and the fact that their families live so close…" Cas trailed off as Dean rounded on him.

"Excuse me? My little brother has been doing what for about a month?"

"Oh, you didn't know?" Cas seemed surprised but Dean just grinned sarcastically at him.

"Don't _oh, you didn't know _me Cas." Dean glared, "What do you know? Out with it!"

"I only know what I just told you." Cas was saved from the Dean Inquisition when Sam stepped out of the kitchen.

"Hey guys, we should probably get going soon. I'm meeting up with a few old friends later and I don't want to be late."

"Don't lie Sam. Tell us where you're really going." Dean said and Sam's eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Just out with friends." He shrugged.

"And one of these friends wouldn't happen to be the boy you've been dating for a month that you haven't told me about would it?" Dean asked with feigned nonchalance and Cas kicked him in the arm.

"Thanks Dean." He said and Sam glanced over at Cas.

"Traitor." Sam accused and then turned to Dean, setting his jaw.

"Yes, Dean. I'm going out with Gabriel tonight."

"Like hell you are."

"Dean, I'm eighteen. I can do what I want." Sam protested and Dean scowled.

"I want to meet him first." Dean finally ground out.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"Ugh! Fine!" Sam yelled in exasperation, "but seeing as he is pretty much the entire reason your date with Cas was successful, I think you owe him the benefit of the doubt." Sam shot out, placing his hands upon his hips.

"Shut up, Sam." Dean said in an exasperated whine.

"What's this? How did Gabriel help you with our date?" Cas asked with a cheeky smile, tapping Dean's leg with his toes. Dean slapped at his foot and glared in Cas' direction.

"I already told you I had help." Dean growled and Cas laughed leaning up to plant a kiss on Dean's cheek.

"And I'm glad you did. Now, let's get you some breakfast before you grouch up the day."

"Cas, what the hell are you even talking about?"

"French toast." Cas answered with a smile, "I'll make breakfast while you and Sam talk." Cas stood and Dean made a reach for his coffee, but Cas pulled away, "I'll be keeping this." Cas pulled it out of his reach and strutted off to the kitchen as Sam took his vacated seat.

"Explain yourself." Dean demanded looking over at his little brother.

**The silent stadium was a bit eerie as the three walked through the empty corridors and down the bleachers and onto the field. **Sam and Dean began tossing a ball back and forth, getting warmed up as Cas sat down off to the side, breaking out a notebook and a binder full of mathematical and scientific formulas from his messenger bag.

"God, Sam's sexy isn't he?" Cas jumped and twisted quickly around to see a short, slightly chubby man with stringy blond hair standing behind him. The man had his hands shoved in his pockets and was rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he regarded Sam before turning his twinkling eyes on Cas.

"You must be Gabriel." Cas stated and Gabriel winked saucily at him. Cas was a bit taken aback but smiled none-the-less as the other man stuck his hand out for Cas to shake.

"The one and only!" Gabriel responded happily, "and you're Cassy." He announced and Cas winced at the vulgar nickname.

"Feel free to call me Cas." He said as Gabriel pulled away and resumed watching Sam.

"Sure thing Cassy." Cas rolled his eyes but did not correct him. It was a mark of how much he respected Sam, letting this guy get away with calling him _Cassy._ "The other one is Dean right? Yeah, he's hot too." Gabriel sat down next to Cas but hopped up again when Sam finally caught sight of him.

"Gabe!" he called out and was promptly smacked in the face with a football.

"Heads up Sam!" Dean yelled as Sam rubbed his nose and staggered off the field. Gabriel met him half way, pulling Sam into a hug and checking the side of his face. Cas smiled at the sweetness of Gabriel planting a kiss on Sam's cheek, but the smile changed to one of disgust as Gabriel stuck his tongue out and licked the same spot seconds later. Sam laughed and pushed him away, only to draw him back in to place a chaste kiss on his lips. Gabriel reached up and wiped the spit off of Sam's cheek.

"Disgusting." Dean mumbled from where he was crouched next to Castiel.

"I don't know, I think they look sweet together." Cas shrugged.

"Oh no Cas, not you too." Dean whined, "You're starting to sound like a girl, you've been hanging around Sam too much." Dean grimaced and Cas pushed him, laughing when he was able to unbalance Dean causing him to fall back on his ass. "Dammit Cas!" Dean growled, moving to tackle Cas back on the ground. Once Dean got him on his back, he draped himself over Cas' torso and leaned down, brushing the tips of their noses together before leaning in for a slow kiss. Cas opened to Dean immediately and wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders, keeping him locked into the kiss until Sam cleared his throat from behind.

"Not to rush this or anything guys, but do you think we can get a move on? Sam and I got shit to do." Gabriel voiced impatiently and Dean pulled away, smiling down at Cas.

"I can be cute too." Dean said, breaking typical character and letting Cas see a different facet of his personality. Cas' grin broke his face and uncaring of Sam and Gabriel staring, he craned his neck up and claimed Dean's lips again.

"I like it." Cas commented before Dean pulled up and off him. Sam tossed him a ball and Cas sat up as Gabriel settled in beside him.

"This should be fun." Gabriel commented and Cas nodded; a sickly sweet smile on his face as he watched Dean walk out onto the field.

**Two hours had passed and Sam and Dean ran off the field, coming to a stop in front of Cas and Gabriel. **

"We've decided that we need play a little two on two." Cas looked up at Dean in a panic and immediately denied him as Gabriel almost simultaneously yelled, "Fuck yeah! You're on Winchester!"

"Actually, you're on my team." Dean said as Gabriel stood.

"Ah a little Studs versus Nerds action, I like." Gabriel nodded in approval and Dean held a hand out to help Cas up.

"Dean, you know I don't know how to play. I'm not going to be much fun." Cas began but Sam threw an arm around his shoulder.

"Don't worry Cas, I've got your back." Sam assured him and Cas grinned shakily at him.

"We're playing at half field. Sixty yard line is defense, Jayhawk end zone is offense."

"English Dean." Cas begged and Dean smiled.

"You run toward the letters, We'll run toward the numbers." Dean told him pointing and Cas finally nodded. Dean tossed Sam the ball and Sam pulled Cas into a huddle. Dean and Gabriel began walking away, taking their places on the field.

"Do you think we should take our shirts off?" Gabriel was asking Dean, but that's all Cas heard before Sam began talking about a game plan.

"I'm just gonna hand you the ball okay? Then you just run as fast as you can toward the Jayhawk logo." Cas nodded.

"What happens when I get there?"

"We reset and the ball goes to the other guys."

"What if I-"

"Cas, don't worry. All you need to think about is getting the ball into the end zone before Dean tackles you." Sam said nonchalantly, steering him out onto the field, but Cas walked stiffly, feeling like this was a very, very big deal.

Forty-five minutes later, Cas and Sam were up by three. Cas really didn't do much, but it helped that Sam was built like brick shit house and had a penchant for knocking Dean on his ass, so their points were racked up quickly. They were playing first to five, wins and if Cas could get the ball into the end zone, he and Sam would win. He'd never wanted anything more than to beat Dean at his own game. The competitiveness that the game brought out in him was surprising, but he was having so much fun, he didn't even care.

Sam snapped him the ball and Cas stood for a moment in shock that he was actually able to catch it before Sam yelled at him to run. Cas took a second to appreciate the sight of Dean and Gabriel in a double head lock before Dean was breaking free, and Cas bolted as Dean pelted down the field after him. Cas could hear Dean's footfalls behind him, but knew that he was too far ahead to be caught. He smiled as he reached the end zone and attempted to turn, but Dean caught him around his waist and picked him up from behind. Dean made a 180 with Cas in his arms and carried him over to the other guys. Sam was smiling at Cas, but Gabriel was looking distinctly surly.

"I suspect this one of cheating." Dean said depositing Cas on his feet.

"It figures!" Gabriel said, "this one," he continued, jerking his thumb in Sam's direction, "thought that ass-grabbing was a valid form of blocking."

"Can it guys, you're just pissed because Cas and I kicked your asses."

"You just keep telling yourself that Sammy." Dean laughed and the quartet began walking off the field.

Cas bent to pack his stuff and when he was done, they made their way through the stadium towards the exit. In the parking lot, next to Dean's black Impala was a brand new yellow Mustang. Gabriel hit the unlock button on the key fob and the car made a pretentious sort of beep as the doors clicked.

"Sam tells me your car still has manual locks." Gabriel teased leaning against the car door.

"Yes, she does and you better be very careful about what comes out of your mouth, Midget. You might be spitting out a few teeth with your next comment." Dean said completely deadpan and Gabriel wisely kept his mouth shut. He mock saluted Dean and with a, "later, dudes." He jumped into his car. Sam turned back to Dean and Cas.

"I'll probably be back late tonight." He informed them.

"That's okay Sammy, I'm sure Cas and I can find something to occupy our time." Dean winked roguishly and Cas rolled his eyes in good-humor at his audacity.

"I'm sure you will." Sam said looking completely grossed-out as he slid into Gabriel's car. Gabriel honked in farewell as they sped out of the parking lot.

"Ready?" Dean asked and Cas nodded. They slid into Dean's car and Cas leaned over the bench seat to look seriously at Dean.

"Your car is so much sexier." He said boldly and Dean flashed him a cheeky grin while revving the engine. Cas laughed and settled back in his seat, looking forward to a night alone with Dean.

**The couch was incredibly cozy with Cas cuddled up at his side with a fuzzy blanket **draped over them and Dean had to struggle with the very unmanly instinct to snuggle deep within the covers and never come out. It was dark in the room, the only light provided was from the TV where the movie Cas picked out played over the screen. It was some old British film that Cas found hysterical that Dean failed to see the humor in. Fake knights pretending to ride on horses while servants galloped behind them banging coconuts together was definitely not his idea of funny. Honestly, he found it a bit boring and would have nodded off by now, if he didn't love listening to Cas laugh as much as he did. Dean would find himself chuckling involuntarily whenever Cas did even if he really had no clue what was going on in the story.

Suddenly, a buzzing came out of nowhere and Dean reached across the arm of the couch to where his phone was vibrating with a text message.

_Staying with Gabe. Don't wait up. _Sam's message said and Dean groaned, setting his phone to the side.

"Gross." Dean grumbled and Cas looked up at him.

"What is?"

"Sam's staying over at his boyfriend's."

"Oh." Cas said cuddling back up on Dean's chest.

"It's just not '_oh_'." Dean harmlessly mocked, "He's probably doing…things…with him and I hardly know the guy."

"Would it really be any different if you did know him better?" Cas inquired and Dean shook his head.

"No, probably not. I'm too protective."

"You love your brother." Cas stated placing a soft kiss on Dean's clothed chest, "Anyway, just because Sam is staying over doesn't mean they're doing 'things'." Cas assured making fun of the way Dean had used the term earlier.

"Yes, it does! They're home alone, in the dark…what couple wouldn't?" Dean missed the way Cas looked up at him, so lost as he was in his own thoughts.

"Well, we're home alone. In the dark and we're not doing anything." Cas observed and a glint appeared in Dean's eye as Cas pulled back and sat up on his knees.

"We could be." Dean stated and Cas reached over, pulling Dean in by the neck of his t-shirt.

"Yes, we could." Cas whispered against Dean's lips, drawing his tongue over Dean's bottom lip before slipping it inside. Dean pressed up against Cas, wasting no time in returning the kiss, shifting around so that he was on his knees as well, bringing their torsos flush against one another. Dean's hands fell to Cas' hips, tugging him closer as his fingers snuck up under the material of his shirt. He raised it a bit as his mouth trailed hot kisses over Cas' jaw and down the side of his neck, stopping only when he became blocked from flesh by the fabric of the shirt. He impatiently wrenched it up and off, setting back to his original task of tasting as much of Cas' skin as possible. Cas shuddered against him, breathy sighs leaving his lips and hitting Dean's ears, spurring him on as he softly ran the back of his hands over Cas' ribs.

"Dean…" Cas gasped when Dean's tongue hit the hollow of his throat and he felt Cas' hands grip into the fabric of his shirt, bunching it and attempting to pull upwards.

"Don't be shy about it Cas. If you want it off, just tell me." Dean's words were cocky, as was his grin, but that quickly faded at the look in Cas' eyes and the tone of voice in which he said,

"Take it off." It came in a demand that Dean didn't dare disobey.

Reaching behind his head, he shucked off his shirt and moved back toward Cas, but was stopped by Cas' hand splaying firmly out on his chest. Cas' eyes left Dean's but his gaze wasn't any less intense as it raked over Dean's body, his hands seeming to follow the path his gaze took. Dean leaned his head to the side and just barely refrained from panting as Cas' hands continued to flow over him at a torturously slow pace. His eyes closed and he fell into the sensation, just letting Cas touch him. He felt goose bumps rise up all over his body and he shivered as Cas' hands traced the waist band of his jeans. Dean arched slightly into Cas' hands and was rewarded by Cas locking a hand around his neck and with a squeeze of his hip, Dean was pressed back into Cas' body, skin to skin this time and Dean wasn't ashamed of the groan that passed his lips.

Dean gripped onto Cas' back, scraping his blunt nails down the skin and Cas' body bowed into his. Dean felt himself being lured down by Cas' kisses and he followed willingly until Cas was flat on his back and Dean was able to lay over him, settling comfortably between his legs. Cas' skin felt so good under his hands, so soft and so pliant and Dean felt this irrational need to dominate come over him. He wrenched his mouth from Cas' moving instead to bite at his jaw and down over his neck, leaving angry red marks on his collarbone before switching to give the same treatment to the other side. God, he tasted good.

Dean felt Cas' hands move from his neck to the small of his back, fingers playing teasingly at slipping under his jeans. Cas' finger tips dipped in, but pulled back out suddenly, as if he was worried he'd gone too far. To prove that he wanted Cas to touch him just as much Cas did, Dean trailed one hand down Cas' stomach to his own jeans and popped the button before pulling down the zipper, making his pants looser for Cas' hands to slide under, which they did without hesitation. Dean made a soft noise in the back of his throat as Cas hands gripped him and pushed, sending their hips colliding together. Covering Cas' mouth with his own, Dean snaked his tongue passed Cas' lips surprised to feel Cas fighting him for dominance of the kiss. It was hot and wet and their teeth clashed together, but they kept the bruising force, neither one willing to submit.

It wasn't until Cas shifted his hips below that Dean finally broke the kiss, gasping as the friction sent pleasurable tingles through his body. Dean buried his face in Cas' neck as he continued to roll his hips, causing a heat to burn between them and as Dean gripped the couch above Cas' head, he realized how dangerously close to losing control he really was and he wanted to make sure Cas was ready, not just going along with what Dean wanted because he felt like he should. It was hard, in more ways than one, for Dean to clasp Cas' hip in his hand and press down, not allowing him to thrust up. Dean immediately missed the slide of Cas' body against his and lamented the loss of friction as the fire between them began to cool.

"Cas…" Dean panted, trying to steady his gaze long enough to look seriously at the man below him. And fuck it Dean didn't almost say the hell with it, because Cas looked _hot. _Seriously, his eyes were lidded and the light from the TV seemed to make the blue in them glow, his lips were red and puffy, and his hair was thoroughly fucked from where Dean had run his hands through it. He groaned at the sight and made to pick up where they left off, but remembered his promise not to push Cas further than he was willing to go. He tore his eyes away from Cas and set his gaze somewhere above Cas' right shoulder.

"I think I need to cool off for a while. I…"he whispered, but one of Cas' hands slipped from his pants to his cheek, forcing his gaze back. He took in the confusion in Cas' eyes and gulped, immediately seeking to clarify his reasons for stopping. He needed Cas to know that he more than wanted this, but he wanted to make sure that Cas was sure this was what _he _wanted. "that is…I know this is new for you and it's fucking great, Cas really, but I don't want you to think you _have _to do this." Dean said and because the confused hurt in Cas' eyes was nearly unbearable, Dean ducked his head and nosed his way under Cas' jaw, planting soft kisses on the skin, causing Cas to groan and writhe beneath him. "I'm just afraid that if I don't stop now, I might not be able to at all." Dean whispered and Cas forced Dean to look up at him.

"Then don't." he said in a low voice that was close to a growl and the sound shot straight to Dean's cock. Cas hooked his hand around Dean's neck and pulled Dean into another heated kiss. Dean took his hand off of Cas' hip, no longer restraining him and Cas took the opportunity with renewed vigor. He seemed intent on getting Dean off and with the way he was grinding their hips together, Dean knew that he was going to get what he wanted. He pulled off Cas' mouth with as gasp as Cas' hips rocked against him, the covered zipper of Cas' pants providing a glorious friction over his thinly clothed erection.

Dean hefted himself up, hovering above Cas in an attempt to add more pressure and finding it slightly entertaining that Cas' hands immediately shot to his arms, squeezing down on Dean's biceps.

"Fuck." Cas whispered and it sounded so deliciously dirty uttered from Cas' mouth that Dean actually felt himself grow harder. Dean raised a hand and placed it on the arm of the couch above Cas' head and used it to keep himself elevated as he trailed his other hand down Cas' side to grip at his hip and pull upwards as he began to roll against Cas, wanting to get the most out of the burning ache inside of him.

Cas was so compliant, so incredibly receptive to Dean that he seemed to know what Dean needed without Dean having to nudge him toward the right spots at all, so when Cas' hands left Dean's arms with a last squeeze and made their winding ways down Dean's chest to brush lightly over his nipples Dean unabashedly moaned out Cas' name. He'd never done that before. Not to anyone. He tried not to personify is conquests, and even in his lust-filled mind, he realized that Cas was so much more than that, and he wanted Cas to know.

Dean lowered himself back down when the pressure on his hand became too much and dipped into taste Cas' lips once more before burying his face in the other man's neck. His hips were pumping out a staccato rhythm against Cas and harsh pants were issuing from his mouth as the tension in his body reached a breaking point.

"Cas…"Dean ground out in warning. Cas' hand snaked below Dean's boxer briefs, squeezing his ass hard and finally bringing Dean to a staggering completion. Dean grunted into Cas' neck as his body convulsed and his nails dung into Cas' side so hard, he nearly broke the skin. Cas sighed in satisfaction as Dean stilled above him before he nearly crumbled in Cas' arms. He placed lazy, open-mouthed kisses on Cas' neck and shoulder as he came down from his high. Dean waited until he could breathe properly again before he leaned up and led Cas into a languid kiss. Dean cupped Cas' cheek in his hand, turning his head so that their mouths could meet before moving that same hand down Cas' prone form, stopping his ministrations just as his fingers hooked under the waistband of Cas' jeans. He looked Cas in the eye, wordlessly seeking permission, but Cas just swallowed and sought out Dean's lips. Dean took that as affirmation to continue and made quick work of opening the button and downing the zipper.

Dean pushed the heavy fabric down and out the way as far as he could before rubbing at Cas' arousal through the black boxer briefs that he wore. Cas made a pitiful noise against Dean's lips and Dean's confidence to continue grew. He didn't have much experience with other guys, but Dean knew how to handle himself and figured Cas couldn't be that much different, so it was with very little hesitation that he urged Cas to lift his hips so he could pull his clothes down over his thighs. Dean kept his eyes on Cas' face, not being quite brave enough to look down, as his hand made its questing way up Cas' thigh, before running his fingertips up the length of him. Cas' eyes fluttered and closed and Dean watched his throat work as he swallowed and Dean leaned over to tongue at his Adam's apple.

Cas was already so worked up by the time Dean began stroking him in earnest, that his body was already straining for release as his muscles seized up, a pleasurable tension spreading through him. Dean pushed himself up with one arm again, silently thanking all his years of strength training as he hovered over Cas' shuddering form, letting Cas thrust up into his hand with abandon. Suddenly, Cas' eyes snapped open and he looked down, watching as Dean continued to jerk him towards oblivion. One of Cas' hands shot up to grip at Dean's forearm squeezing tightly as the other covered his mouth in attempt to quiet the breathy whines Dean was pulling from him. Dean wasn't about to allow that. He bent down and nosed Cas' hand out of the way.

"Wanna hear you Cas." He breathed hotly onto Cas' lips, "Don't hold back." And that was all it took for Cas to shatter beneath him, letting go with a cry of pure bliss tearing from his lungs. Dean moaned along with him, the sight of Cas coming undone at his hands, filled him with such a startling feeling of completion; he was shocked by the intensity of it. Cas wasted no time in sealing Dean's lips in a filthy kiss, sending his tongue in deeper than ever and feeling no need for reservations, Dean let himself be claimed.

**AN: Phew *wipes brow* hope you guys enjoyed that! :D I hope it wasn't too soon. :P**

**Guys, seriously, I think I have the best job ever. I have a desk job and unless I have an appointment or a walk-in, I do nothing but write and read fanfiction (and sometimes watch Netflix) all day. Essentially, I get paid to give you updates. I came to this realization yesterday and it made me ridiculously happy for some reason. I'll never complain about my job again. (lie) Also, I just thought you should know that I have to look away from my computer when I write naughty words like (cock and erection and nipples) and I giggle after I do them. Just thought you should know how very mature about sexual situations your 25-year-old author is. Ha!**


	12. Really, Dean? A gift card?

**AN: So, I was presented with a question via PM today, but when I attempted to respond, I was told the account had been deleted, so I'm just going to answer your question here in the hopes that it reaches you.**

**Anon asked why I ship Sam/Dean when it's clearly incest and therefore disgusting.**

**Dear Anon: Quit being a dick. It's fanfiction. It's totally a 'read at your own risk' game around here. I'm not sure if I necessarily ship Sam and Dean, but they are super-hot and let's face it, who wouldn't want to watch Jensen and Jared make-the-fuck-out? Also, I'm not brave enough to tackle an RPS. So, I'll write Sam and Dean instead because it's something I'm comfortable with and by default, I get to play God with Jensen and Jared for a bit. *shrug* If you don't like it, why the fuck are you trolling that part of the fandom anyway? By all means, please keep reading my stuff; we know you secretly get off on it. ;)**

**Casismyfavorite, I can't respond to your wonderful reviews and that makes me sad. Just please know that they are noticed and much appreciated!**

**Finally, a huge thank you to Libranfate and Saxiphones bring out my eyes for beta-ing this for me. Your thoughts, opinions, and seriously boss editing skills are invaluable and I'm pretty sure I've fallen a little in love with both of you. :P**

**Chapter twelve- Really, Dean? A gift card?**

"**Mmmm…no." Dean mumbled when he felt a light tapping on his nose.** Cas smiled indulgently at him while trailing a finger over his cheekbone, down to his strong jaw line.

"You have to get up." Cas whispered as Dean nuzzled into his hand, keeping his eyes closed; clearly not ready to face the day. An idea was forming in Cas' head, but he wasn't sure if he was daring enough to try it. He took a deep breath and attempted to wake Dean once more without resorting to…other means of persuasion. "Dean," he whispered softly, ghosting his lips over the stubble along Dean's jaw, "Your physics final is in an hour and it snowed last night." Dean grunted but remained unmoved, the only exception being a slight quickening of his breath as Cas traveled lower, planting kisses and small nips on the skin of his neck.

Cas took a moment to appreciate the state of undress that Dean slept in (boxer briefs only), for it made his current mission so much easier. The blanket covering them both lay pooled at Dean's waist, and it didn't take much for Cas to slide a leg over and pull himself up so he was straddling Dean's hips. He bent down, picking up where he left off with his mouth set in the crook of Dean's neck. Dean moaned sleepily and brought his hands up to lightly squeeze the firm globes of Cas' ass. Cas sighed into Dean's skin, dragging his tongue up Dean's clavicle to his shoulder, biting down on the flesh perhaps just a bit harder than he meant to because Dean hissed and arched into him. He followed the line of Dean's pectoral muscle with his lips before tonguing a nipple, reaching up to roll the other between his fingers.

Dean tensed, and Cas could feel the distinct outline of his shaft pressed up against the curve of his ass. He provided Dean with some teasing friction by rocking his hips forward slightly. It was a fleeting movement, and Dean protested the lack of contact as Cas was forced to slide his body down, nudging himself in between Dean's legs in order to kiss his way down his well-sculpted stomach. Cas' mouth was watering, and he couldn't stop the groan of want that passed his lips.

"Have I ever told you how fucking sexy you are?" Cas' voice sounded rough, and he could tell his words affected Dean when the other man let out a short, breathy sigh and raised his hips, rubbing himself against Cas' chest. Cas' mouth reached Dean's navel, and his tongue ducked inside it, biting down softly on the skin below, trying not to let Dean perceive how nervous he truly was. He gripped Dean's hips and held them down, eliciting a small whimper of objection from the man beneath him. Cas licked a line above the waistband of his briefs and flicked his eyes up to finally, fucking finally, see Dean's eyes staring down at him, hooded, but open as small pants burst from his lips. Dean slid his arms up, raising himself up on his elbows in order to get a better view of what Cas was doing. Cas smirked at him before leaning back down and mouthing at his erection through the cloth, using his teeth to scrape over it, knowing the fabric protected Dean's skin from the abrasive treatment.

"Fuck…" Dean ground out in a low voice, leaning his head back momentarily.

"Keep still." Cas commanded and Dean nodded, biting his lip as Cas moved his hands from his hips to hook under the elastic band of the tight-fitting briefs. Cas sucked in a breath and took a moment to steel himself, keeping his breathing as even as possible, though he felt like hyperventilating as he tugged on the briefs, bringing them down over Dean's thighs. Cas ran his fingertips over the deep V's in Dean's hips and Dean shuddered, his eyes fluttering closed when Cas leaned down to taste his skin. Cas bit at the protruding muscle there and moaned around the flesh between his teeth.

"So fucking good, Dean." He breathed hotly onto Dean's skin and summarily felt Dean's hand thread through his hair and grip it tightly in a clenched fist.

"Jesus Christ, Cas," Dean moaned at his words, not bothering to keep his voice down as Cas' mouth moved closer to his engorged shaft. Just before Cas reached it, however, Dean's hand fell from his hair and instead cupped his chin, forcing Cas to look up at him. No words passed between them, but their eyes said all that words could not. It had been nearly three weeks since they had first been together intimately (and many, many more times since) but they had never progressed this far before. Cas needed to take it slow, and Dean was perfectly fine moving at his pace. Dean was making sure Cas was positive that this was okay. It made Cas feel warm and loved when Dean did this, but at the same time, he wanted Dean's reservations to drop and just let them devour each other. Cas was tired of holding back, and it made him sad in a way that Dean didn't trust him enough just to take what he wanted because God, Cas wanted to be had.

Cas made sure to lock his gaze onto Dean's, putting as much heat behind it as possible, as he ducked his head slightly to pull the pad of Dean's thumb between his teeth. Dean's lips parted, and a harsh breath pushed through them as Cas slowly released the digit, and Dean was able to brush it over Cas' lower lip. Dean finally moved his hand to the back of Cas head, a small surrendering of control as he allowed Cas to have his way with him.

Cas looked back down at Dean's body and shivered. Dean wasn't massive, seven inches at most, but he was thick, and just the sight made Cas' mouth water. Fuck, he was perfect. Cas felt a steely determination rise within him, and before he had time to second guess himself (or his lack of experience), he cocked his head and ran his tongue experimentally from base to tip, his hand pursuing the same path as he lifted the shaft enough to take the flushed head into his mouth. He keened at the taste of it. It made his eyes roll back into his head, and he didn't think twice about sinking down further. Dean made a strangled noise in the back of his throat and scraped his nails over Cas' scalp.

Cas wasn't able to take all of Dean in, but he used his hand to pick up the slack, and by the sounds Dean was making, he was more than okay with that. He moved slowly, drawing out each pull of his mouth on Dean's heated skin and knew he was doing it right when Dean groaned and his head fell back on his shoulders. Cas' free hand ventured down Dean's flank and squeezed the swell of his ass, and Dean pressed into him, cutting off Cas' air supply, but Cas didn't protest. He just let Dean take what he wanted, feeling completely satisfied in letting him do so.

"Cas…" Dean's voice sounded strained. "Cas, look at me." And the way he said it sounded like he was begging. Cas flicked his eyes up and Dean panted, squeezing the back of Cas' head firmly as his hips began thrusting slightly, his muscles coiling tightly in anticipation of release. Dean's face screwed up, but he kept his gazed focused unflinchingly upon Cas. "Fuck Cas," Dean ground out, and that was all the warning he was given before Dean collapsed back on the bed, his body bowed, and Cas felt an added warmth in the back of his throat. Dean's other hand gripped into Cas' hair, and Cas remained stationary as Deans' hips pumped slowly in and out of his mouth. Dean was breathing hard as he lay back, softly carding his fingers through Cas' hair in appreciation before completely and bonelessly crumpling back into the sheets.

Dean's hips were still making feeble attempts at movement as Cas pulled off of him, and Dean's still rock hard member slipped free of his lips. Cas crawled up Dean's body and pressed his lips to Dean's forehead, a gentle caress that made Dean shut his eyes and lean forward. Dean's hands came up to Cas' neck and tugged downwards slightly, cupping Cas' cheek in his hand before leaning their foreheads together. Dean nudged his nose against Cas', and their stubble scratched together before Cas sagged against Dean, his face buried into Dean's neck, his body enclosed in Dean's arms. Cas had a fleeting thought before he shut his eyes.

_Now I don't want to get up either._

He smiled even as he realized his plan to get Dean out of bed had totally backfired.

"**Cas!" Dean yelled from the downstairs living room before he heard a slight** shuffling as Cas appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Dean looked over at him, the fear clear in his eyes. A worried look crossed over Cas' face as he sat down next to Dean, glancing at once to the computer in his lap. "Final grades are in today," Dean said. Cas noticed that the arrow was hovering over a link to **Winchester, Dean 2012 Fall Semester. **Cas bit his lip and looked up at Dean who had not taken his eyes of Cas' face. Dean knew Cas understood his trepidation in opening the file. Even with all the work he had put in, and despite the fact that he was passing all of his courses before the finals, the final tests were such a huge part of the semester grade that he could easily be smacked back down to failing should his test prove to be below a certain percentile. Dean felt Cas' hand close comfortingly around his thigh.

"Do you want to pick Sam up first? Then we can come back and look at it together?" Cas asked, but Dean shook his head.

"I'll just freak myself out thinking about it on the drive." Dean looked to the computer and then back at Cas. "Will you do it?" he asked, and Cas' brows narrowed.

"Are you sure? This is pretty big news Dean."

"I'm sure." Dean said, nodding as he passed the computer over to Cas. He looked faintly green, and Cas spared him a pitying glance before clicking the link. Cas' face was impassive as his eyes flicked over the screen, Dean's stomach began to roil. Surely, if it was good news, Cas would have said something by now. So it was with a disappointed sigh and a humorless chuckle that Dean looked away as Cas shut the laptop and set it on the table in front of them. Dean could feel his face growing hot, and fought tooth and nail against the pricks of tears burning in his eyes. Cas crawled into his lap, straddling his waist and placing his hands on his cheeks, forcing Dean to look at him. Dean did, but Cas didn't seem sad at all. On the contrary, there was a giant smile on his face as he pressed his forehead against Dean's.

"You passed," he declared softly, and Dean had to take a moment to process those words.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Everything?"

"Everything," Cas confirmed, and Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' waist before flipping him onto his back on the couch.

"You're such a shit, you know that right," Dean growled, but Cas just pressed his grinning lips to Dean's, kissing away his earlier sadness. Dean adjusted their positions, lying fully atop Cas, aligning their bodies. He loved the feel of their ribs and hips pressing together. Dean never could get over how perfectly made for him Cas' body was. Cas' hands moved under Dean's shirt, his knuckles gliding up Dean's skin, causing a full-body shiver. Cas smiled into their kiss, pulling back with Dean's bottom lip between his teeth. Cas ran his tongue over it before letting it go. Dean's own tongue snaked out automatically to taste it.

"I wish Sam was old enough to rent a car. I could think of a million other things I'd rather be doing than picking him up from the airport," Dean lamented as Cas' index finger pressed into the soft underside of his chin, leading him into another kiss.

"We'll just have to make up for lost time later," Cas reasoned. Dean whined with a slight pout as he sat up between Cas' legs and stood, pulling the other man up with him.

"**It's six days until Christmas, Dean! You need a tree!" Sam bitched as Dean rolled his eyes.**

"And stockings!" Gabriel supplied helpfully from where he was sitting next to Cas on the couch.

"Can it, midget!" Dean shouted, pointing in Gabriel's direction. Instead of retaliating, Gabriel just turned to Cas with raised eyebrows.

"He sure is touchy, isn't he?"

"You don't even know the half of it," Cas teased. Dean turned a mutinous look his way.

"Don't start Cas."

"Dean, I just don't even understand why you wouldn't want one," Sam said as Dean groaned.

"They're a pain in the ass, Sammy, that's why."

"Grinch," Gabriel said under his breath. Dean was about to retort when Cas interrupted him, possibly to stop Dean from beheading his brother's boyfriend.

"Why don't you and Gabriel go pick up some ornaments, and I'll take Dean to pick out a tree."

"Ah! Why does he get to do the fun part?" Gabriel whined, and Cas looked at him.

"Would you like to go with Dean instead?" he asked, and Gabriel shut his mouth, jumping up from the couch and pulling Sam up the stairs. "We'll make sure to pick out something pretty," Gabriel promised, and before Sam could even grab his jacket, they were out the door. Cas turned to smile at Dean.

"You're amazing, you know that, right?"

"I have my moments," Cas shrugged, and Dean smiled at him with an odd twinkling in his eyes as he looked at Cas. He could feel the warmth in his gaze, and his heart fluttered. Yes, Cas was certainly amazing.

**Cas didn't know how he did it, but somehow, in the middle of the Scotch Pine and Douglas Fir**, he managed to lose Dean. He now knew why all those people that had passed stared him down before pulling their children away. He thought Dean had been right behind him, so he was detailing why he liked the Douglas Fir best, and for all the world looked like he was just standing there, complimenting a tree. He had turned around, and immediately his face shot up in flames before facing the tree again, backing slowly away from it, waving an awkward goodbye at it and the people next to him. Once he rounded the tree, he pulled his sock monkey stocking cap down over his eyes and groaned into it. Cas stood rooted to the spot for a moment when an instantly recognizable voice shouted over the crackling intercom system.

"Cas, I don't know where the hell you are, but if you don't get up to the hot chocolate stand in-" a muffled shouting was heard in the background that sounded something like, _"Get that jackass off the intercom!"_ before a scuffle was played out and Dean shouted, "Two minutes Cas!" hastily, before there was a loud squeal of feedback from the speakers. A woman's voice came over apologizing and giving everyone ten percent off 8-foot-pines for the next hour.

"**I can't believe you high-jacked the PA system,"** Cas laughed as he approached Dean from behind. Dean spun around and threw an arm over his shoulders.

"Do you know how big this place is? It would have taken hours to find you!" Dean said tightening his arm around Cas' neck and planting a quick kiss on top of his stocking-capped head.

"What would you have done if there was no intercom? I'd be stuck here for days!" Dean stopped then and Cas faced him to find Dean's hands reaching up to grab the strings dangling from the side of his cap. Dean tugged on them, pulling Cas' forehead to his.

"I would have chopped down every tree in this place to find you," he said and kissed his nose. Cas was nearly breathless as he spoke.

"There's more than fifty acres of trees out there."

"Details," Dean shrugged, and Cas rose up on his toes to kiss him. It was a small kiss, sweet and harmless in appearance. The people around them barely spared them a glance, but had Cas known that Jordan Banks had been one of the people watching, he wouldn't have done it at all.

**Cas and Dean arrived home with a tree that Dean had won in a chopping contest** just a bit after Sam and Gabriel had arrived with the decorations. Dean met Cas at the front of the Impala, stopping to glare at Gabriel's Mustang like it had personally offended him which, Cas thought, it probably had.

"It is a really stupid car, isn't it?" Dean asked, looking over at Cas who nodded immediately.

"Ugh, completely ostentatious!" Cas said in feigned disgust, but the corners of Dean's mouth turned down as he nodded in approval.

"After I look that word up, I'll let you know if I agree or not." Cas laughed at him and took his hand.

"At least you're showing initiative." Dean pulled open the front door for him, and Cas slipped inside before Dean began yelling for Sam.

"Hey, Sammy! Come help me with this tree!" Dean hollered, and there was a lot of commotion from the living room: quite a few thumps and muffled oaths. Cas raised his eyebrows at Dean. "You guys better not be fucking on my couch!" Dean shouted. Sam called for Dean to shut up.

"Don't worry, Hulk. We weren't…that time."

"Son of a bitch!" Dean swore, throwing his arms up and stomping outside. "Sam, come get the tree!" Sam shot up the stairs and raced outside. "You didn't really fuck on my couch, did you?" Dean was asking Sam, and Sam's silence gave it away. "Ah, c'mon man! I love that couch!"

"Dean, it was only once and-"

"Shut up, Sam! I don't need details!" Cas smiled at the two before he walked down the stairs to see Gabriel setting the ornaments out on the table.

"It was slim pickings at Target, but we have enough glittery pine cones to decorate Rockefeller Center," Gabriel told him, tossing a cone in the air and catching it deftly in his hand, sprinkling glitter everywhere. Cas eyed the silver sparkles that fell all over Dean's couch, table, and floor.

"You really do have a death wish, don't you?" Cas asked as Gabriel shrugged.

"Meh, he doesn't scare me. Have you seen my boyfriend? He's twice the size of that guy!" Gabriel said, leaning in conspiratorially towards Cas. "Between you and me, I'm pretty sure Sam could kick his ass."

"I don't know about that. I just watched Dean chop down a tree with an ax in less than three minutes, just to get it for free. I'd really hate to see what he'd do to you should you continue getting glitter all over his belongings," Cas said it with a good-natured smile, snorting when Gabriel paled a bit and began brushing the shiny silver specks off the table. He jumped when Dean's voice could be heard coming down the stairs and Gabriel stepped slightly behind Cas, who patted him bracingly on the shoulder.

**Three hours, many cuts and a few bruises later,** the tree was up, lit, and fully decorated. The foursome stood back to admire their handiwork. Cas tilted his head to the side. The tree wasn't exactly Christmas card material, but for some reason, it felt perfect for them. As Gabriel promised, there were plenty of glittered pine cones, but there were also little red velvet bows lined with gold, the god-awful felt gingerbread men, Styrofoam balls covered in shiny red and gold material, and of course, the gaudy tree topper that was a silver star surrounded in multi-colored lights and gold tinsel.

"Maybe we should start sooner next year," Dean said, and everyone laughed in agreement.

**Dean watched Cas walk away from him, watching his ass as he went.** Dean had just dropped him off at the library for a fraternity meeting, and after a seriously hot make-out session, Cas was now fifteen minutes late, and Dean's jeans were just a tad too constricting. He sighed and leaned his head back against the seat, lamenting the fact that he would have to wait two hours for Cas' meeting to end so they could pick up where they left off. He shifted the car into gear and began the short drive home, looking forward to some relaxing and beer. He had shrugged out of his jacket, tossing it over the bannister before Sam accosted him in the hallway.

"What are you getting Cas for Christmas?" Sam asked Dean, and Dean shrugged.

"Why?" Dean asked, trying to push past him.

"Well, you haven't put anything under the tree for him yet, and I was just wondering why."

"Don't worry about it, Sammy," Dean pointedly stated, but Sam ignored him, like always.

"Is it embarrassing?" Sam smirked, but Dean remained silent. A mischievous glint appeared in Sam's eye right before he spoke. "It's a sex toy, isn't it?"

"Fuck, Sammy! No!" Dean turned to him with a disgusted look on his face. "Why would you even ask that?"

"Then what did you get him?" Dean cleared his throat, but didn't elaborate. "You did get him something, didn't you?"

"Of course I did!"

"Well, what is it then?" Sam pressed, and Dean sighed before pulling out his wallet, holding a Barnes and Noble gift card between his fingers. "Really, Dean? A gift card? Seriously?"

"What?! He likes books and shit…"

"Then you pick out a book for him!" Sam slapped him over the head.

"Watch it, Sammy!" Dean warned. "And I don't know what the hell he reads."

"Then you find out!" Sam rolled his eyes. "Jesus Christ! Who taught you how to be a boyfriend?"

"Back off Sam! You know Cas is…"

"He's your first real relationship. I know, I know!"

"I wasn't going to say that, but…"

"He is, though." Sam stated, and Dean nodded.

"Yeah, he is." Dean conceded and shuffled his feet. Sam took pity.

"But seriously, a gift card? That's what you get a person when you find out that they got you something, and you totally forgot about them. Not what you get your new boyfriend."

"Ah c'mon! It's got Darth Vader in a Santa hat on it!"

"Ugh, I'm so glad I'm not the one dating you," Sam grimaced as Dean bristled.

"Yeah, well you snore and have huge feet, so I wouldn't want to date you either."

"Nice Dean. Thanks. Now that we've established why we aren't dating, you want to go find something Cas is gonna actually like? Christmas is in five days, and we need to get a move on here," Sam said, slipping on his shoes.

"Well what am I going to do with this?" Dean asked, holding out the card. Sam snatched it out of his fingers.

"I'll take it as payment for digging your ass out of a grave with your boyfriend again."

"He's not my…" Dean paused when Sam's bitch face was turned on him. "Yeah, alright Sammy. Let's go," Dean said, grabbing his coat.

**The mall was hell, Sam was a bitch, and Dean was hungry. ** So when he got home and saw Cas and Gabriel giggling on the couch, he passed them with a disgusted look and went into the kitchen for a beer.

"I hate the holidays." Dean grumbled coming to sit by Cas, squishing possessively between him and Gabriel, forcing them apart and Gabriel into the corner of the couch.

"Grinch," Gabriel said, standing and stomping up the stairs to the guest room where Sam had gone.

"Fuck off, midget!" Dean retorted.

"Maybe, but I'll probably just go fuck your brother instead!" Gabriel called down to him, but Dean didn't have the energy to fight at the moment.

"Gross!" he called out in protest, but in the end, he just pouted and leaned his head on Cas' shoulder.

"Rough day?" Cas asked, pressing a light kiss to the top of Dean's head.

"You have no idea," Dean sighed as he snuggled more into Cas. He closed his eyes when he felt Cas' arm come behind him to cradle his head, his fingers coursing through his hair.

"I'm sorry," Cas said with his lips pressed against Dean's head. Dean imagined the small grin on Cas' face.

"I brought it on myself. Did you know that if you try to take the last Harry Potter Lego set from the shelf, you'll get bashed in the head with an angry mom's purse?" Dean asked, craning his neck up to look at Cas because he knew Cas would laugh at that, and he wanted to see the expression. He wasn't disappointed.

"I'll have to remember that," Cas said, and Dean leaned up to capture Cas' lips in a quick, but heated kiss. Cas' lips were glistening when he pulled away, and he couldn't resist leaning in to bite and suck at them.

"Guys, I thought we agreed that the couch was public domain and off limits."

"Go away, Sam!" Dean growled against Cas' lips. Cas opened his eyes and smirked at Sam, who winked back.

"Alright, but what Gabriel and I do for retribution is on you."

"It's my couch, Sammy! I can do what I want."

"I was just saying…" Sam came back from the kitchen and made his way back upstairs as Dean groaned, placing his head back on Cas' chest.

"Little brothers suck," He said without much conviction as Cas' hands resumed their soft caress in Dean's short hair.

"So. Renegade moms aside, was the rest of your day good?"

"I was stuck in a mall, five days before Christmas, with Sam, for the past six hours. It wasn't awesome."

"What did you need to go to the mall for anyway? I thought you said you got all your Christmas shopping done," Cas probed. Dean was silent for a moment before a truly evil smile broke over his features.

"It was for Sam."

"Oh?" Cas wondered.

"Yeah, he tried to pass off a gift card as Gabriel's Christmas present. Can you imagine?" Dean scoffed and Cas chuckled.

"No, I couldn't." he pushed Dean up and gave him a small peck on the lips, "Let's go get some dinner. My treat." Dean pressed his forehead to Cas' and smiled at his…boyfriend.

"Sounds perfect."

**AN: I feel like I have more Misha in my Cas than Cas…in my Cas?.**

**Also, I kind of just wanted to throw out the fact that I think Misha looks like he'd give a great blow-job. I'm not sure why, but he just looks like he could take a dick.**


	13. The Beginning of the End

**AN: Hey guys. I missed you.**

**Super sloppy kisses go out to Libranfate and Saxiphones bring out my eyes for their mad editing skills and for being rad-asses.**

* * *

**Introduction**

**Looking back, Dean honestly couldn't say what made him do it.** What had enabled him fall so low and doubt so much that the thought was even able to cross his mind? It had all happened so fast that by the time he realized what was going on, he was unable to stop it.

Now, Cas was gone, and Dean had just watched it happen like he wasn't even there. Like someone else was acting through him as he stood on the sidelines, begging and screaming for it to stop, but it just continued on, uncaring.

Dean didn't nor had ever wanted this, never wanted to see Cas' beautiful eyes so overcome with pain that even tears failed him. He'd never wanted to feel the shattering of his own heart as Cas rushed passed him, up the stairs, and out of sight.

Dean slid down the wall, put his head in his hands, and tried to rub the tears from his eyes.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen- The Beginning of the End**

**The wide neck of the silky blue jersey slipped down Cas' shoulder** as he attempted to coax his body into a sitting position. The weight on his chest was making it difficult for him to move, but he just smiled and passed a hand through Dean's short hair. Dean stirred beneath his hand, and it wasn't long before Cas was pressed against the arm of the couch, a hot mouth greedily latching itself to his neck. He laughed lightly and pushed him away when a thumping noise coming from upstairs, indicating that Sam and Gabriel were rousing. Dean just gave him a wicked smile and slid his hands underneath his jersey, mapping the layout of Cas' ribs with his softly probing fingers.

Cas sighed against Dean's lips and kissed him, his body already responding to Dean's touch.

"My jersey looks good on you," Dean told him, eyeing his body appreciatively while pushing the fabric up to get a glimpse of skin. Cas couldn't deny that he had nice hips, perfectly defined though he rarely worked on them. He silently thanked his superb genetics as Dean ducked his head and ran his tongue over one of the jutting bones. Cas arched into him, desperately wanting more, but Sam's heavy footfalls were tromping down the stairs, and he reluctantly pushed Dean away. Dean flashed a look of pure loathing at his brother and sat up on his knees, allowing Cas to wiggle out from beneath him.

"Morning!" Sam said enthusiastically, completely oblivious to the fact that his presence had never been less welcome.

"Morning, Sam," Cas said, trying not to sound as disappointed as he was.

"So," Gabriel nearly shouted, entering the room behind Sam, "which is first? Breakfast or presents?" he clapped his hands together in excitement, and Cas had to keep from cringing. Gabriel's constant exuberance was a lot to take at the best of times, but at seven-thirty in the morning, it was close to painful.

"It doesn't matter as long as there's coffee," Cas said, rubbing at his eyes. Dean nodded in agreement.

"Hop to it, Sammy!" Dean commanded, and Sam scoffed before walking off, joined quickly by Gabriel.

When the others had left the room, Dean grasped the back of Cas' neck and pulled him close, pressing his lips to Cas' forehead. His other hand fingered the hemline of the jersey as he smiled against Cas' skin.

"I really do like this on you," He admitted, stroking his hands down Cas' sides.

"Then we'll definitely have to revisit this later," Cas stated, grinning diabolically at the other man. Dean stood and went upstairs, presumably to use the restroom. Cas leaned back against the couch and sighed, thinking that 'later' could not come soon enough.

**There wasn't enough coffee in the world to combat Gabriel's **Christmas Day enthusiasm, so it was with a headache and little regret that Dean waved Sam and his boyfriend out the door nearly three hours later. That's not to say it was all bad, and the grappling hook Gabriel had gotten him was definitely cool, but Dean was just ready to be alone with Cas and enjoy the rest of the day without watching the disgusting displays of endearment Gabriel shared with his brother. Now that they were gone, however, Dean's palms began to sweat. Their departure meant that it was time to give Cas his r_eal _present, the one he had hidden from Sam because he was too embarrassed to say he'd even thought of it and to be honest, he was nervous as to what Cas would think. The gift was small and a bit girly, but when Dean saw it, it reminded him of Cas, and he was drawn to it for reasons unknown. He's not even sure why exactly it made him think of Cas, but the fact was, it did, and he couldn't walk away from the store without buying it.

Dean sighed and pulled the small box from his pocket. He pulled the lid off and looked inside, gazing down at the gift, just to make sure that it still had the same sort of lurching power over him that it did five days ago. As he traced his fingers over the soft brown leather bands and the two sterling silver angel wings tied onto them, he felt secure in his decision to go ahead with the gift. He put the lid back on the box and took the stairs leading to his bedroom two at a time.

When he entered his room, Cas barely looked up from the Kindle Fire that Dean had gifted him with earlier. That one had been Sam's idea, and Cas probably knew it, but he didn't let it show, and Dean was grateful. To gain Cas' attention, Dean vaulted onto the bed, landing gracelessly on the mattress, causing it to bounce and shake, but he successfully pulled Cas' eyes to him. He flashed a mega-watt smile in Cas' direction and pushed the box into his hands.

"Here," Dean said with about as much finesse as his dive bomb. Hey, he might be able to pick out mushy presents, but that didn't mean he had to be all girly when giving them. Cas raised his eyebrows and slid the box from Dean's hand, looking surprised. Dean watched Cas' face as he opened the box, anxiously awaiting his reaction. Dean felt his stomach roil when Cas just stared inside the box for what seemed like forever, and Dean had to resist the urge to reach into his pockets and make sure the wrist wrap hadn't fallen out. Just as his hand stretched towards his pants, Cas looked up, and Dean liked to think his eyes were a bit misty. He grinned sheepishly at Cas who, without saying anything, just leaned forward and kissed him, possessing Dean's mouth with a caress that wiped all thought from his mind. Dean accepted it, and pulled Cas against him, his hands lingering on the small of Cas' back. After a few dizzying minutes, Cas released him, and Dean fell back against the pillows, watching as Cas tied the bracelet around his wrist. Dean smiled. It looked good on him.

**The Christmas holiday was over too quickly, and before he knew it, **Dean was being called in for pre-season weight training. It was just after New Year's when Dean was mailed his new schedule. He was training four days out of the week and required to put in at least seven hours on endurance work a week on his own time. He texted Jordan to find out if they had any training days together, and was glad to discover they had Monday afternoon and Friday morning practices in the same time slots. His first time was scheduled for the Friday before the new semester began, and he groaned at the six A.M. start time. His position on the team was in no way secure now that the coaches began prepping for the upcoming season, and considering the disastrous previous season, he was sure all their spots were up for grabs, even the fourth year senior players. So, staying cuddled up to Cas in bed until noon was definitely no longer an option.

Dean grumbled incoherently as his alarm sounded from across the room, and Cas nudged at his arm, attempting to force him out of bed to turn it off. When that didn't work, and the alarm continued to screech at them, Cas became frustrated and raised his feet to Dean's back and pushed. Dean had a very rude awakening as the side of his face came into contact with the floor, and he groaned, standing and pummeling Cas' face with the pillow. Cas retaliated by tossing the pillow back at Dean, but missed and instead, knocked the alarm clock off the desk, causing Dean to spend a full three minutes attempting to retrieve it from under his desk, the abominable device wailing the entire time. When Dean finally had it in hand and the insistent noise stopped, he had to fight a nearly all consuming desire to lob it at Cas' stupid head.

Dean kept up the awful thoughts all the way through his usual morning routine, and was sincerely angry by the time he made it down to his kitchen for some coffee and toast, but as fate would have it, his boyfriend made that entirely impossible for him. Cas stood over the stove, shirtless, Dean's pajama pants hanging low on his hips, a cup of steaming coffee already in his hands. He passed the mug to Dean who took it and set it to the side in favor of sliding up behind Cas, placing his hands on the grooves in his hips, lightly dotting kisses on the back of his neck.

"You better be careful, I could get used to this," Dean whispered as Cas let out an amused breath of laughter.

"I already am," He admitted, and Dean, emboldened by the declaration, proposed a solution.

"Move in with me," He challenged, and Cas gasped, dropping the spatula he was using to flip Dean's omelet. He turned in Dean's arms, and Dean was surprised to see his blue eyes glaring at him fiercely.

"That's not funny," Cas said and turned back around when the pan began to smoke. He hurried to save the eggs and slid them onto a plate before detangling himself from Dean's arms.

"I wasn't joking Cas," Dean said honestly, grabbing Cas' wrist, the one with the cords of leather wrapped around it, pulling him back in. "Move in with me," He said again, and Cas looked away.

"I…I have to stay at the fraternity until the semester is over."

"In May then," Dean persisted, and Cas nodded, his eyes big and blue and oh so pretty in his shock. Dean's smile split his face, and he leaned forward, pressing his lips to Cas' before picking up his plate and moving to the table.

Dean waited out the rest of the time until he had to leave for practice before finally kissing Cas lightly and jumping off the couch to grab his bag. He waved to Cas, who was already falling back to sleep on the couch before setting out, the excitement over Cas agreeing to move in with him still thrumming through his veins.

If he had known how the rest of the week was going to play out, Dean would have enjoyed it more. May have even skived off training to spend more time with Cas, just watching him smile, the way he moved, and drowned him in kisses. May have pushed their relationship further.

If Dean had known, there was no way he would have walked out the door that morning with just a quick kiss goodbye and a promise to be home in a few hours. If Dean could see what was to come, he would have packed up and left immediately, taking Cas with him God knows where, but just away.

**Dean sat in his car, gripping the steering wheel as he tried to rid **his body of the numbness that was spreading through his limbs. It had been over an hour that he had been sitting in the parking lot of his apartment, working up the courage to go in. He knew that if he went in now, Cas would be able to tell something was wrong and Dean just couldn't have that conversation with him, but neither could he look Cas in the eye and lie to him. He didn't want to, but more than that, he knew Cas would never buy it and would press Dean, in the most compassionate way possible, to confide in him, and Dean knew he wouldn't be able to hold back. For the first time in his life, Dean truly knew fear.

Finally, the sound of his cell phone ringing was able to break through to him, and he reached into his pocket, bringing it out to glance at the screen. It was Sam. Dean answered.

"Hey, Sammy," He said quietly.

"Hey! Gabriel and I just landed back in California. Flight was shitty as usual, but we made it home."

"That's great Sammy. Listen, I really can't talk right now…"

"What's wrong?" Sam inquired, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Nothing. I just…"

"Dean, really? You're going to try to pull that on me? What's going on?" Sam pressed, and Dean sucked in a shuddering breath.

"It's bad, Sammy," he said, and as Dean said the words, he felt hot tears prick at the corners of his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, and tried to keep it together. In the background, Dean heard Gabriel uncharacteristically serious, asking Sam if everything was okay. Sam mumbled something to him, and Dean noticed when he moved to a quieter location.

"Do you need me to come back? Semester doesn't start for two weeks, I can…" Sam offered, but Dean interrupted him.

"No, no Sammy. It's okay. It's not something…I mean…I gotta do this by myself. I just…" Dean stopped, not sure how to continue.

"Dean, what happened?" Sam demanded more forcefully now, and Dean could tell he was probably scaring him. Dean wasn't one to usually show these kinds of emotions freely, and if something happened that caused him to lose his grip, it was usually a cause for genuine alarm.

"They know," Dean offered unhelpfully, but it was all he could choke out before his throat tightened up around the words, and he was left with a strangled off sob he hadn't meant to let out.

"What? Who?" Sam asked, sounding panicked now, and Dean knew that he wasn't making this easy. He sucked in a controlled breath and tried to calm his raging emotions.

"The team. My team. They know about Cas," Dean told him, and could practically see when Sam's face relaxed and his brother exhaled through pursed lips.

"Why is that bad? It's not like you were hiding it right?" Sam asked, confused as to why Dean could be so upset over this. While Dean had never broadcasted his ambiguity, he never denied who he was and refused to be shamed over it. There had to be something more here, something that made the situation more desperate that Dean wasn't willing to share yet.

"That's not it. I'm happy with Cas, so happy, but…" Dean paused.

"Dean, what did they do?"

"Nothing. Yet."

"Yet?" Sam asked, and Dean pressed his forehead into the steering wheel.

"God, it's so fucked up, Sammy. Jordan's got it out for me because coach offered me captaincy next year over him. He's a fourth-year starter and that pissed him off since last year was my first year starting."

"So, he's trying to push you off the team?"

"Yeah, and he can do it. The team will turn against me if they find out, and coach won't want a captain the guys can't trust. If I'm off the team, my scholarship is gone, and I'll lose everything I've worked for."

"He can't do that Dean!" Sam nearly shouted into the phone, but Dean wasn't finished yet.

"He hinted that some of the team already had their suspicions about me, and all Jordan had to do was nudge them and they would draw their own conclusions."

"So, he essentially is making you choose your future or Cas. Can you just walk away from the captaincy? Will that appease him?"

"What do you think, Sam? I'm a threat! He's not gonna back down now!"

"What does he want you to do?"

"He says I have to prove to the team that I'm more dedicated to them than to my 'habits'. He called Cas a fucking 'habit'! What the hell does that even mean?" Dean fumed.

"Dean, I know this is serious, but I can't believe you're actually considering going along with this! I mean…" Sam's voice was disbelieving, and Dean cut him off.

"It's not just me. If it was just me, I wouldn't care but," Dean said and breathed in, letting his head fall back against his seat. "He threatened Cas." Sam was silent for a while and Dean listened to him breathe, trying to use Sam's steady breaths to control his own.

"How?" Sam asked, and Dean laughed hollowly.

"Where do I begin? I guess I could start with the fact that Cas and I have violated just about every student code of conduct rule, or how tutoring falls under the teacher/student relationship category. Oh, I could also go on about how Cas' step-dad is the physics professor, and according to Jordan, he has proof that he passed me to help Cas out on his letters of recommendation. So not only could Cas lose his honors, scholarship, and grad school potential, his father could lose his job. Did I mention that Jordan's father is on the Alumni Committee and is one of the largest donors the university has? He's also on the Board of Trustees and can wipe Cas off the face of the Earth just by signing a check. So, if I don't go along with this, Cas is pretty well fucked."

"Jesus…" Sam said after a pause.

"Yeah, Jesus." Dean agreed.

"Where are you now?" Sam asked and Dean looked up at his apartment door.

"Home."

"Where's Cas?"

"Inside."

"And you're…"

"In the car."

"You're going to have to face him Dean."

"I know that, Sammy. Thanks."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Hell no." Dean said like that was the dumbest question that Sam could possibly ever ask.

"You need to tell him, Dean. He deserves to know." Sam advised, but Dean shook his head, though Sam couldn't see him.

"I'm not putting this on him Sam." Dean was resolute in his reply.

"It's his life. He should be offered the choice, or even better, you guys could figure a way out of this thing."

"Sam, I swear to God if you breathe a word of what's going on here, I'll fucking kill you. I don't give a damn if you're my brother. This is my mess. I need to clean it up."

"Even if it means losing Cas?" Sam asked, and Dean felt a spasm of fear course through him.

"If that's what it takes to protect him." Dean made his voice as steady as possible, but it wavered none-the-less.

**As Dean had expected, Cas was perceptive enough to know that something was wrong.** Cas questioned him over dinner that night, but Dean distracted him with a change of subject. When that failed, he launched mashed potatoes at his face, leading into a full scale food war. They laughed and joked, and for a moment, Dean was able to forget about Jordan and enjoy being with Cas, just watching him smile and hearing his laugh that sometimes bordered on maniacal giggling. The best part was that Cas seemed to be appeased for the moment, but it wasn't surprising that he brought the subject up once more as they lay curled up beneath the sheets in Dean's darkened room. Cas' voice was quiet as he broached the subject with obvious trepidation, like he knew Dean was avoiding this as much as possible.

"Dean, if there's something bothering you, you know you can talk to me about it right?" Cas' fingertips ran along Dean's jaw, making shivers creep up his spine.

"I know," Dean offered, reaching up to card his fingers through Cas' shaggy black hair. Gripping the back of his head, Dean pulled Cas in, surrendering himself to the soft lips that soon covered his own.

Cas sighed against him, enthusiastically claiming control of the kiss. He parted Dean's lips with his tongue, licking into his mouth, and Dean's mind went blissfully blank. He concentrated on the feel of Cas' body above him, all hard planes and jutting hips as he pressed harder into him, needing more contact. Cas pushed Dean onto his back and wasted no time in settling above him. Dean smiled, wondering when his shy little nerd had transformed into this being of sexual energy that made Dean's knees weak and turned his insides to mush.

Cas rocked his hips forward, and Dean groaned, arching into him as spikes of pleasure shot through his body. He squeezed Cas' hips in a white-knuckled grip and bit his lip as Cas threw back his head, sighing out Dean's name in a breathless whisper.

Their interlude didn't last long, for either of them, and when Cas fell back against the sheets at Dean's side, it was with regret that Dean let him go. He turned his head and caught Cas' eyes, all hazy and lidded, peeking out at him from underneath his thick lashes. Dean captured his chin in hand, stroking his thumb over Cas' swollen, kiss-bruised lips. Dean gifted him with a small smile. He felt the fear settle in as the veil of lust lifted and the reality of their situation set in. He was grateful that the room was dark as his emotions warred within him and threatened to break free of the internal dam that held them back. He blinked a few times, attempting to clear the hot liquid from his eyes and when that didn't work, he pulled abruptly away from Cas, turning his back on the one person that could have taken the pain away.

Dean felt Cas shift behind him, could feel the warmth radiating from his body and every fiber of his being screamed at him to lean back into the touch, to let Cas hold him, but Dean couldn't move. His shoulders began to shake, and he breathed out a sigh of, Dean didn't know if he could call it relief necessarily, but it was definitely a comfort when Cas placed a firm hand in between his shoulder blades. Dean felt his ragged breathing calm as Cas curled up behind him, close, but not touching other than the hand nestled on his back. It hurt to have Cas so close, wanting to touch him, but knowing it was for the best that he didn't. Dean didn't want to make this harder than it already was.

He knew Jordan's threats were very real; he proved that by attacking Cas, and Dean would always protect Cas, no matter what. He knew that this would be one of the last times he would get to be with Cas, knew their time together was drawing to a close, but he just wasn't ready to let go yet.

**Dean was at the track, rounding out his five mile run, when Jordan showed up. **He resisted the urge to barrel into him and smash his smug face in, but the ass pressed his luck when he fell into step next to him.

"Hey," Jordan greeted, but Dean remained silent, reaching for his iPhone and raising the volume on his music. Jordan nudged Dean in the arm, and Dean stopped dead.

"Don't fucking touch me, man," he growled, and Jordan raised his eyebrows at him.

"Don't be like that Dean," Jordan replied with a knowing smirk, "plenty of other fish in the sea…"

"You son of a bitch…" Dean advanced towards him, murder in his eyes, but Jordan just held up a calm hand.

"Careful," He said in a voice as serene as his demeanor, "we wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea here. We're supposed to be friends remember?" a smile stretched across Jordan's face, and Dean had never felt such an urge to kill before. "How are things going with your boyfriend?" he asked, and Dean's hands twitched, itching to lock around Jordan's throat.

"Fuck off," Dean said, turning away. Jordan stared him down, as if to say he knew Dean hadn't kicked Cas to the curb yet.

"Now, that's not very nice. And here I was about to invite you out on Friday."

"No thanks," Dean refused, and Jordan snickered.

"Let me rephrase. There's a party this Friday, and you're coming. You know what will happen if you don't." Jordan plugged his ears with his headphones and jogged away from Dean, flashing him a quick smile over his shoulder.

"**Dean," Cas' voice ventured cautiously through the spans of the room, and Dean **hated hearing the uncertainty in 's back was turned, but he didn't have to see Cas' face to know that he was hurt. It was Friday evening, and the past week had been brutal. They were quiet and uncharacteristically formal with each other, Cas taking his cues from Dean's actions. He could tell that Cas was beyond confused by Dean's 180 degree turn, coming from asking him to move in, to barely speaking to him, but Dean didn't know what else to do. He couldn't keep Cas, and distancing himself was the only way to let him go since Dean wasn't brave enough to tell him what was going on.

"Yeah?" Dean's voice was gruff when he spoke, and it was a few moments before Cas replied.

"What have I done?" he asked, and Dean finally faced him. Cas was leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest and his head bent down, but his eyes were locked on Dean's, like he had prepared himself for what was to come.

"Nothing, Cas. You haven't done anything," Dean told him in a near whisper, but Cas just shook his head.

"Don't lie, Dean. Not to me." Dean exhaled and ran a hand over his face.

"Cas, I…"

"Is… are you regretting…because I can…" Cas kept cutting himself off as if he didn't know how to put this thoughts into words, or the words themselves were just too painful to say. Finally, Cas continued in a steady voice. "If you're regretting asking me to move in, I understand. I didn't figure you were actually serious. I…"

"I was serious," Dean said before he could stop himself. Even though Dean was pushing Cas away, he couldn't let him think that he had meant nothing. That Dean would have made so many promises and just used him in the end. What they had was real, and Dean wouldn't let Cas believe otherwise.

"Then," Cas took a few steps forward into Dean's room and knelt in front of him. Dean tensed and resisted the instinctive urge to back away. "Why are you acting like this? I've tried to be patient and wait for you to come to me, but you're just withdrawing further, and I don't understand why."

Dean's mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to form words, but nothing came out. Cas reached out and placed his hand on Dean's thigh, but Dean jumped back and stood. Cas flinched at the unexpected reaction and Dean reached out a hand to steady him without thinking. The expression on Cas' face was unreadable, but it was agony to behold. Just as Dean was about to speak, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He knew it was Jordan. It was time for him to leave.

"Cas I…" Dean began and a hopeful glint appeared in Cas' eyes, "I have to go," He finished disjointedly and Cas' eyes fell. Dean had never hated himself more.

**Castiel wasn't sure exactly why he stayed. Dean obviously didn't want **him around anymore, but whether the gravity of their relationship was finally taking its toll on Dean, or if it was something more sinister, he had yet to figure out. He hoped Dean wasn't giving up. Cas could deal with it if Dean was scared, he could be more patient if Dean thought they were moving too fast, but he couldn't fight it if Dean kept pulling away. He jumped a little when his phone buzzed.

It was a text from Dean. He opened the text, smiling when he saw the message.

_Wish you were here._ Maybe, the situation wasn't as hopeless as he thought.

He was halfway through typing a response when another message pressed through. Abandoning his text, he clicked on the small icon. The video was loud and blurry, and Cas squinted at it, changing the angle of his head in order to see better. It was over within fifteen seconds, but Cas' entire body had gone cold, and he felt like dying.

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**AN: Just a few more chapters to go guys. Thanks for sticking with me.**


	14. Maybe You Shouldn't Expect So Much

**AN: Thanks to Libranfate for being the Dean to my Cas. You are a genius and I adore you.**

**Chapter Fourteen- Maybe You Shouldn't Have Expected So Much**

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**~Two hours earlier~**

**The room was suffocated in a foggy haze, the music was too loud, the beer was crap**, and Dean missed Cas. The couch he was sitting on was comfortable, though, and he was content to stay there for the remainder of the night if Jordan hadn't chosen that exact moment to make his presence known.

"Hey man!" Jordan said with every appearance of delight. Dean eyed him warily and stayed silent. "Glad you could make it!" he pulled Dean into an unreciprocated one-armed hug and began pointing to people. "See that girl over there?" he asked, gesturing to a tall brunette standing next to a buxom blonde. "I'm gonna fuck her later and guess what…you're gonna take her friend!" Jordan said, and Dean finally pushed him away.

"Not a chance," Dean said, moving to stand. Jordan, however, grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down.

"You asked me to help the team trust you more. This is how. Don't get pissed just because you're butt hurt over your boyfriend issues." Dean's hands clenched, and Jordan noticed. "You want to hit me don't you?" Jordan leaned close as he smiled. "But you won't because you know I could ruin you both."

"What the fuck is your problem man? I told you I didn't want the captaincy. Can't you just drop it?"

"Are you kidding? This is just too much fun!" Jordan squeezed Dean's shoulders briefly, then dropped his arm. "I have insurance that you're not going to try to take away my glory this year, and you can't even fight it because of the leverage I have. Why would I give up that kind of power?" Jordan shoved a beer into Dean's hands. "Drink up. I'm going to need you on your A-game tonight.

**Two hours later, the room was spinning, and Dean **couldn't quite remember where he was. He lost count of the beers he'd had, but it didn't seem like an excessive amount, not compared to what Dean could put away while watching a good game, the cloudiness of his mind, Dean could feel a body writhing above him and more surrounding him, patting his shoulders, laughing in his ear, encouraging him to continue doing was he was doing, whatever that was. Dean groaned, only vaguely aware of the mouth leached onto his neck and the too thin hands climbing up his shirt. He weakly pushed at the person, knowing instinctively that this was wrong.

His pathetic protestations only seemed to amuse those around him as the unknown body straddling his lap pushed things further. He gagged on the tongue that was unceremoniously shoved into his mouth, but was too far gone to do much more than grunt around it and allow it to happen. His hands fell as dead weight to the side, and his head lulled onto his shoulder as his vision blacked out. The last thing Dean was aware of before he succumbed to darkness was the loud cheering of those around him as the woman stripped off her shirt.

Over in the corner, Jordan smirked as he pressed send.

**By the next morning, the veil had lifted, and Dean was able to fully **grasp what was going on around him. He was lying face down on the couch, a heavy body pressed against his back. He pushed himself up on shaky arms, dislodging the person above him who fell to the floor with an undignified smack. He rubbed the back of his arm over his eyes and blinked against the sunlight threatening to blind him.

"You're awake. Finally!" Dean turned his head and watched a shadowy figure approach him, holding something out in its hands. Dean recognized it as his cell phone. "You dropped this," Jordan said, handing the phone back to Dean. "Have a nice day. See you Monday." Jordan gave a short wave before exiting the house, and Dean looked down at his phone, surprised to see that he had no missed calls or texts. He pushed down the feeling of foreboding he had and stood, wanting to leave as soon as possible.

"**Cas?" Dean called as he opened the door to his apartment. **He flipped off his boots and tossed down his jacket before running up the stairs to see if Cas was in the bedroom. He wasn't, so Dean hurried back down the stairs. He searched around the apartment for a bit before concluding that it was undeniably empty. He plopped on the couch and pulled out his phone, his finger hovering over Cas' number for a moment before he selected it. It went to voicemail. Something was definitely wrong. Cas wouldn't just ignore him like this or, at the very least, he would have left Dean a note to let him know where he was going.

"Hey Cas," Dean began speaking into the cell phone. "It's just me. Call me when you get this." He ended the call and sat back. He couldn't blame Cas for leaving. Hell, Dean wouldn't be surprised if Cas never talked to him again, but this wasn't closure. This was avoidance, and Dean couldn't take that. He hurriedly answered his phone when it rang.

"Cas?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Dean cringed, yanking the phone away from his ear when Sam's angry voice yelled through the speaker.

"Hi Sammy, wanna tell me why you thought it was a good idea to blow my eardrums this morning?" Dean grumped into the phone, silently glaring at his brother.

"You know exactly why, Dean."

"No, Sam I really don't!" Dean was so not in the mood for Sam's shit. "So, either make your point quick, or I'm hanging up."

"How could you do that to him?" Sam asked, and Dean's eyebrows scrunched together.

"The hell are you talking about Sammy?" Dean's voice was low and angry.

"Cas. I know you guys were going through a rough time but seriously? I knew if you didn't tell him what was going on, you'd end up doing something stupid like this," Sam said, but Dean was no closer to figuring out what he was talking about.

"Make your point Sam." Dean growled, but Sam just scoffed at him.

"My point is, you're a dick Dean. I know this situation sucks, but Cas didn't deserve that." The line clicked dead, and Dean pulled the phone away from his face and stared down at it for a couple of seconds.

Dean opened up his text messages and selected Cas' name. He scrolled through the texts trying to see if maybe he drunk texted him and was an ass, but the last text he'd sent Cas was something about milk and eggs some three days ago. The sight made him sad. Before all this happened, he would text Cas constantly. Sometimes, it would just be little things like, 'that sweater vest looks good on you,' to which Cas would reply with something saucy like, 'it would look better on your floor,' and Dean would be left sitting uncomfortably for the rest of class.

He smiled at the memory, but it was shoved to the side as the fear of this ending began to spread through him. He didn't want to lose Cas, but he knew it was selfish for Dean to ask him to just pick up and leave with him. Honestly, it stood against everything Dean believed in to run, but he would if it meant keeping Cas, he would do anything to keep Cas.

**Cas took a deep breath as he sat inside the cab, his eyes on Dean's apartment. **He leaned forward and held out some cash to the driver asking him to please wait. The cabby nodded and kept the meter running as Cas jumped out of the car and walked up to the front door. He'd left in such a hurry the previous night, he didn't even think about taking anything with him. His backpack containing his computer, his school materials, and the Kindle Fire Dean had gotten him a few weeks ago were all upstairs in Dean's room, waiting for him.

Cas didn't know what happened between them. He couldn't understand what he'd done to make Dean act like this. The thought had crossed Cas mind that Dean was just using him, but Dean wasn't that good an actor, and Cas knew you couldn't fake something like what they had. He was angry, of course he was, but mostly, he was just sad. He loved Dean, had for a long time, and it hurt knowing that he didn't feel the same. He tried to be angry with Dean, but Cas couldn't help but think he was just scared, and while that in no way excused how he handled the situation, Cas could understand it.

Whatever happened today, when Cas stepped through the door of Dean's apartment, Cas would not show Dean how much this upset him. He wouldn't project his emotions onto Dean and make him feel guilty for something that was probably already killing him. Cas would be understanding, and he would push aside his feelings in favor of helping Dean work though this, because he loved him and he deserved to have Cas' support. Cas took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He tried to put on a brave face, but nothing could have prepared him for what was to come.

**Dean opened the door, shocked to the point of speechlessness to see Cas standing on his porch, **shuffling his feet nervously. The urge to reach out and pull Cas to him was so strong that Dean had to squeeze the wood of the door to stop it. Cas' head was bowed down, his hands shoved into the pockets of that ridiculous trench coat, but his eyes were on Dean's, making it hard for him to think.

"Can I come in?" Cas asked and Dean glanced at the taxi idling in the lot. He tried not to feel disappointed that Cas wasn't planning on staying long. Dean stepped aside and Cas walked passed him, standing awkwardly in the entryway as Dean shut the door. He was instantly reminded of the time he'd called Cas over at one in the morning. It was the first time he realized he felt something for Cas, and it had ended disastrously, but Cas was forgiving, and Dean had wanted it badly enough to keep trying.

"Dean, I…" Cas began, but then stopped. He bit his lip and shook his head, "I left my bag upstairs. Do you mind…" Dean knew that wasn't what Cas was going to say, but he sprang into action anyway, nodding and gesturing up the stairs.

"Yeah," Dean acknowledged, "Of course."

"Thanks." Cas turned his back on Dean and began making his way towards Dean's room. Dean watched him go, but then turned away, moving into the living room. Soon, Cas appeared at the bottom of the stairs, his bag hanging off his shoulder as he dug a fingernail into the wood of the bannister he was leaning against. Dean hated how awkward it felt right now. Cas was looking at him expectantly, as if he was surprised that Dean wasn't asking him to stay, and Dean tried to keep the longing out of his eyes.

"Did you need anything else?" Dean asked, trying not make the question sound abrasive. Cas' eyes were miserable when they locked with Dean's.

"We're not even going to talk about this?" he asked in a hushed voice, as if he was afraid of Dean's answer, which, Dean thought, he most likely was.

"There's nothing to discuss Cas," Dean informed him, attempting to keep his voice from breaking. Cas huffed and nodded, squeezing his eyes tightly together.

"Right." He said before turning to go back up the stairs, before he had even made it halfway though, he turned back to Dean, his face contorted with a pained anger. "You're a coward Dean!" He spat out, and Dean was taken aback by his outburst. "You're just willing to give this up? It's really that easy for you?" Cas' voice showed his disbelief as it grew in intensity. Dean sighed and stood, raising a hand up to calm Cas down. Cas slapped his hand away and crossed his arms over his chest, looking away from Dean. It hurt, not necessarily the slap, but the way Cas couldn't meet his eyes.

"It's not easy Cas. Nothing about this is easy," Dean told him.

"Then why are you giving up?"

"Cas…"

"Don't you think I deserve to know? You owe me at least that much Dean!" Cas argued, but Dean held firm in his resolution not to burden Cas with this.

"I don't owe you anything!" Dean countered, watching as the shock registered upon Cas' face.

"Did I…" Cas stepped forward, a wordless challenge for Dean to stand his ground. "I never meant anything to you, did I?" The question was a punch to the gut, and Dean found it hard to remain standing. This is what he didn't want, Cas thinking that he was just a cheap trick to him, but if it kept him safe, Dean was willing to let Cas hate him. Cas moved closer, their gazes locking, and Dean couldn't look away, no matter how much he wanted to.

"Tell me I never meant anything to you Dean," Cas commanded, almost daring Dean to deny him. Dean's mind went blank, he couldn't think, he couldn't breathe. Cas was waiting, and Dean knew he should speak, but he just couldn't. He wanted to tell Cas, 'no, he was just a means to an end,' he wanted to send him on his way, knowing that Dean did what he could to protect him, but he wasn't able to force the words out. Cas just stared at him with those fucking eyes of his, and Dean felt vulnerable for the first time in, he didn't know how long. It could have been for the first time ever.

"Cas…"

"I just need to hear you say it Dean. If you don't want to talk about why, fine, but I need to hear you say that I didn't mean anything. That you never wanted this. Never wanted me," Cas finally broke eye contact and hung his head, sighing softly.

"I can't give you that Cas," Dean whispered, and Cas looked up. Dean regretted it instantly when he saw the hope in his eyes.

"Can't or won't?"

"Fuck, Cas I don't know! Both? What difference does it make?" Dean asked, and Cas' brows knitted together.

"It makes all the difference, Dean."

"It doesn't change the outcome," Dean said, and Cas took a step back, shaking his head.

"You had me completely fooled," Cas told him backing away. "I'm so fucking stupid," he admonished himself as he turned his back. Dean, out of instinct and desperation, moved against his will and grabbed Cas' arm to stop him. "Don't!" Cas jerked his arm away. "Don't touch me!" Dean raised his hands in surrender, backing away from Cas' sudden anger.

"For what it's worth, Cas, I'm sorry. I never wanted this to happen."

"That's not worth very much," Cas spat over his shoulder. He reached down to pick up his bag where he had dropped it before turning back to Dean. "This was real for me, Dean," Cas admitted, and the raw honesty in Cas' eyes broke him. Dean hadn't even noticed the tears on his face until he licked his lips and tasted salt. Cas' lower lip trembled a bit, and his hands squeezed the strap of his bag, wrinkling the material between his white knuckles.

"**This was real for me, Dean," Cas spoke softly, the 'I love you. Please don't do this to us,' stuck in **his throat, but Dean probably didn't want to hear it anyway.

Cas saw the single tear fall, and watched it wind its way over Dean's cheek, to the crease in his nose, and finally resting on the swell of his bottom lip before Dean's tongue snuck out to taste it. There was faint surprise in his expression, as if he hadn't even realized he was crying. Cas' heart lurched, and he was unable to stop his feet as they carried him closer. Cas felt Dean's arm wrap around his torso, pulling them together and, despite Dean's words, Cas knew… felt this was real. Dean could deny it all he wanted, but Cas knew, and that made him hope. The tips of their noses touched as did their foreheads, but though they shared breath, neither one was able to close the distance between them. Cas flicked his eyes up to Dean's starling green orbs, and his breathing quickened.

"You are all I've ever wanted, Dean," he whispered, "but I can't do this." Dean's eyes closed briefl,y and Cas could see his own pain mirrored within them. It was the hardest thing Cas ever had to say, but he knew as long as he believed Dean wanted him, he could never get closure and be able to move on. "Don't contact me. I'll arrange for someone else to tutor you. I just…can't be around you." Cas' voice finally broke, and he sucked in a shuddering breath. He felt Dean's head nod against his, and then fingers clasped his chin, pulling him up. Dean's eyes closed, and he moved forward, but Cas pulled out of his grasp. "I can't," was all he said. Cas held Dean's gaze one last time before it became unbearable and he had to turn away.

**Looking back, Dean honestly couldn't say what made him do it.** What had enabled him to fall so low and doubt so much that the thought was even able to cross his mind. It had all happened so fast that by the time he realized what was going on, he was unable to stop it.

Now, Cas was gone, and Dean had just watched it happen like he wasn't even there. Like someone else was acting through him as he stood on the sidelines, begging and screaming for it to stop, but it just continued on, uncaring.

Dean didn't nor had ever, wanted this. Never wanted to see Cas' beautiful eyes so overcome with pain that even tears failed him. Never wanted to feel the shattering of his own heart as Cas rushed past him, up the stairs, and out of sight.

Dean slid down the wall, put his head in his hands, and tried to rub the tears from his eyes.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

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**AN: I hope this triple update makes up for the fact that I've been gone for a few weeks. Thank you for reading!**


	15. Not What It's Supposed to Be

**AN: Guys, I'm pretty sure I love my beta more than anything. Libranfate, you complete me. :D**

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**Chapter Fifteen- Not What It's Supposed to Be**

**~Four Months Later~**

**He wasn't overly fond of the country music blaring from the speakers, but Dean wasn't paying too much attention to it anyway. **He raised his glass of whatever was on cheap draft and sloshed it down his throat, keeping his eyes on the girl taking a turn on the mechanical bull. She was blond with a tight, compact body encased almost entirely in black leather. A man in holey jeans and a t-shirt walked up to her, wrapping an arm companionably around her shoulders.

"All right guys and gals! We've got a feisty mama here who's willing to take on the bull!" the man spoke into a microphone, and the entire bar erupted into cheers. Dean drank deeper. "What's your name, sweetheart?" The man asked as he held the microphone out to the smiling girl. She was clearly loving having all eyes on her as she jutted out her hip and winked at people around the room.

"Morgan!" She said in a forced, high-pitched voice.

"And how old are you?"

"Twenty-two." She leaned in close to the microphone, wrapping her small hand around the metal, dragging it closer to her mouth as the man began to pull away, "and I'm here to party!" Her words were a bit slurred, and Dean cringed at the squeaky nature of it, but as soon as she climbed on top of that bull, he cleared his throat and sat back to enjoy the ride. Her hips bucked and swayed, rocking forward slightly to keep herself in the saddle, and Dean knew he'd be taking her home tonight.

"**You're so good, Mindy."**

"Morgan," she corrected, but Dean didn't really hear her.

"Fuck, Megan…"

"Close enough," she said, shrugging and redoubling her efforts, grinding herself down in Dean's lap. She lowered her hands, unbuckling Dean's belt and making quick work of his pants before she slid off his lap to settle on the floor between his knees. "You know," she said, quirking an eyebrow at him, "most guys are usually hard by this part." She took him in her hand and stroked upwards, biting her lip and Dean could tell she was trying to make it good for him, but Dean only felt a stab of disappointment every time he looked down and saw brown eyes instead of blue.

"Maybe you're just not hot enough for me," he shot back. If she was going to be a bitch, he had no problem being an asshole right back.

"Fuck you, I'm hot as shit!" She glared at him, continuing to slide her hand up and down his still soft member.

"Sure, you keep telling yourself that, sweetheart." She laughed at him, trying not to appear as upset as she really was.

"Really? How's this for hot?" she stripped off her shirt and let Dean rub her tits for a few minutes. She leaned her head back and moaned theatrically, and Dean rolled his eyes.

"I've had better," he replied honestly, and she scoffed at him.

"You're such a dick!" she insulted, but Dean just smiled at her and dropped his hands from her chest.

Ducking her head, she pulled Dean's flaccid cock into her mouth, sucking hard and pulling off the head with a loud pop. Dean fisted his hands in her hair, wondering why the fuck girls got off on guys being disrespectful. The more you insult them and put them down, the more they seem to want him. Dean let his head fall backwards, trying to enjoy the feeling of her mouth on him. Her movements were sloppy and lacked any sort of finesse, but her mouth was hot and he began to get hard. He canted his hips upward, bucking slightly into her mouth.

"God, you're big," she said, pulling up and off him to speak and suck in a deep breath. Dean groaned, but it wasn't out of pleasure and shoved her head back down.

"Shut up," he said, squeezing the back of her head as she continued to bob up and down. Dean squeezed his eyes shut and fell back against the couch, trying desperately to ignore the irritating whimpers she was making. Finally, after three minutes and his cock refusing to go higher than half mast, he pushed her away.

"This isn't working," Dean said as he tucked himself back into his pants and buttoned them back up.

The girl, Mallory, or was it Melanie, remained on her knees, looking at him with disbelief on her face.

"What's wrong with you?" she nearly snarled at him.

"Not sure. I guess you're just not my type," Dean told her as she finally stood. "Would you like me to call you a cab?"

"No, you probably couldn't manage that either." She stomped up the stairs and out the door. Though Dean was left unsatisfied, he was in no way unhappy to see her go.

**Nearly five thousand students and their families gathered on Memorial Drive to celebrate the graduation ceremonies for the 2013 class**. It was mid-May and the weather was mild, warm and slightly overcast with a cool breeze running through the crowds. The graduates were surrounded by their families and friends, their numbers surpassing those of the students in attendance. It was one of the biggest ceremonies of the year in Lawrence, and admission was by invitation only, but Dean had never taken much stock in the rules. He slipped behind a family of three, cheekily smiling at the person checking invitations. He managed to find Sam amongst all the people. The kid was about a head taller than everyone else, so it wasn't too difficult.

Gabriel noticed Dean's approach and nudged Sam in the ribs. When Sam caught sight of Dean, his entire face lit up and he waved, but put his arm down at the look on Dean's face. Dean didn't want anything to draw attention to himself, and Sam was like a beacon already just because of his size. Sam smiled apologetically and put down his hand.

"Hey Dean-o!" Gabriel shouted, clapping him on the back. "Glad you could make it." Dean grinned in his direction and turned his eyes to Sam.

"Hey Sammy."

"Hi." Sam greeted him with some insipidity, but Dean couldn't blame him. Sam had taken Dean's treatment of Cas as a personal betrayal, and Dean honestly couldn't say that he blamed him. After the incident, it took Sam a while to come around, but finally, Dean was able to convince him that he knew nothing about a mysterious video that was sent to Cas from his phone. Sam refused to send the video to him, and to this day, Dean had no idea what it contained, and Sam maintained that if Dean really wanted to know, he'd ask Cas.

Dean never did though, of course he didn't. He hadn't spoken to Cas since that night, and he was fairly confident that Cas would want to keep it that way.

"He's speaking today," Sam informed him, holding up a pamphlet with a cheesy clip art of a man with a diploma underneath the words _University of Kansas 2012 Graduation Commencement Ceremony._ Dean took it from his hands and smiled upon spying Cas' name beside the bolded words **Graduation Introduction by Class Valedictorian Castiel Novak**. He raised his eyes when a squeal from the podium hit his ears, and Dean watched the man up front tap the microphone. It squeaked once more before the man spoke into it.

"Test, test…ahem…" The man twitched a little, and Dean could tell he was nervous. "Good morning, everyone. I'd like to welcome you to the Commencement Ceremony for our 2013 graduate students!" Claps, cat-calls and whistles filled the air, Gabriel and Sam causing lots of commotion themselves, but Dean stood stock still, eyes locked on the person sitting behind the man at the podium. "Yes, we're all very excited to welcome this year's graduates to the stage. We do have one thousand and six hundred students with us today, so this is just a friendly reminder to please hold applause until the end of the ceremony, once all graduates have descended down the hill. And now, without further delay, may I present to you this year's Introduction read to us by none other than our class valedictorian, president, and Chairman of Student Relations, Castiel Novak."

A round of cheers went up, despite the earlier warning of no applause as Cas stood, walking up to the podium. Dean's palms began to sweat as his stomach clenched. It had been four months since he'd seen Cas, four months since he'd last heard his voice, and Dean would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous. Gabriel nudged him, and Dean shook his head to clear it as he brought his hands up, clapping a few times as Cas adjusted the microphone to a level that was comfortable for him.

"Good morning, everyone. I think I speak for the entire student body here with us today when I say, 'thank you for sharing this moment with us.'" Cas paused as he eyes raked over the crowd, and he smiled when he spotted Sam. Dean saw Sam smile back, and he and Gabriel gave a thumbs up before Cas continued. "We are all here for…" his stumbled over his words as his eyes caught Dean's. Cas gasped into the microphone and whispers erupted around them, the spectators worrying that something was wrong. They began shifting in their seats when seconds continued to pass and still, Cas had said nothing.

The man who had introduced Cas stepped up next to him, pulling his attention from Dean and whispered something into his ear. Cas nodded and turned back to the crowd, giving them an apologetic smile. "I apologize," he began, "I think I just truly realized how many people are out there. Please forgive the sudden stage fright." Cas laughed with the audience and things proceeded as normal, but Cas' eyes didn't seek out Dean's again.

"**We're going to meet Cas at the bottom of the hill," **Sam informed him. "You should come with us." Gabriel was already darting through the crowd, intent on saving them a good spot.

"He won't want me there, Sammy," Dean countered. "You saw what happened when he noticed me in the crowd."

"He was just surprised Dean," Sam argued, but Dean shook his head.

"He doesn't want me around, Sam. It's fine."

"Dean, you haven't spoken to him in four months! Don't you think it's getting a bit ridiculous?"

"I can't talk to him, Sam. Not after-" Dean broke off and looked up at his brother. "Just make sure to tell him congratulations for me, okay?"

"You should tell him yourself," Sam deadpanned.

"Sam, he won't…"

"You don't know that Dean! He could really want you there, and you wouldn't know because you're too scared to try! You're a fucking coward Dean!" Sam spat at him, throwing Cas' exact words back at him, though Sam couldn't have known. Dean flinched at the harsh words, but couldn't fault Sam for saying them.

Just like when Cas had accused him, he was being a coward. It dug at Dean to hear these words because if there was one thing he'd always been proud of, it was his strength of mind. If he believed in something, he'd defend it with his whole heart and would go down fighting for its cause. But this was twice now that he'd been accused of cowardice, and Dean found he had no rebuff for the insult because that's exactly what he was.

He had been too scared of the things Jordan was capable of to stand up to him, and while he thought he was just trying to protect Cas, he should have fought harder for them. He was afraid of not being good enough for Cas, and so he fought to hang on to his degree and football so that Cas could have something to be proud of when he spoke of Dean to others. That backfired on him completely because he hadn't thought it through to the end where Cas may not have been around. And now, he was terrified of facing Cas again. He was afraid of what he'd see reflected in the deep blue pools of Cas' unfathomable eyes, of the hate and disappointment he knew he'd find there.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, and Sam reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. Dean jerked away before it could make contact, and Sam shot a 'puppy-eyed' stare at him.

"I'm sorry Dean. I shouldn't have said that," Sam apologized, but Dean began to turn his back once his eyes started to burn.

"It's okay, Sammy. You and Gabriel stop by for dinner before you leave, alright?" Dean waited for Sam's nod before he walked away.

**In June, Sam came to stay with Dean for the summer. **He'd of course brought Gabriel, but Dean was firm in his judgment to not let Gabriel stay with them. It wasn't anything against Gabe, Dean liked the guy, but he didn't really need to be privy to what went on behind closed doors while he was lying in bed, pining for Cas. It happened to be on one such day that Gabriel was over that Dean decided to get out of the house for a bit. He told Sam he was leaving to pick up some books for a literature class he was taking that semester, and Sam stared at him as if he'd just grown a set of horns.

"You're willingly going to a bookstore?" he asked in disbelief.

"He can read?" Gabriel wondered as he passed by, but Dean just rolled his eyes at them.

"I'll be back before dinner," Dean told Sam, flinging open the door and stepping out into the blazing sun.

"**And for a limited time, you can get three magazines for free when you sign up for a…"**

"No thanks, sweetheart. Kind of in a hurry." Her smile faded a little, but she recovered quickly, ringing up the three paperback books Dean was attempting to purchase.

"Are you a member of our discount club?" she asked, a fake perky smile stretching out her ruby lips.

"Uh, no," Dean answered fishing out his debit card.

"Would you like to become a member? All members receive twenty-five percent off all purchases for just fifteen dollars a year."

"No thanks." Dean flicked his eyes up, hoping she could see the annoyance there and wouldn't ask him any more questions.

"Okay, lastly, I could save you an additional thirty percent today if you'd like to apply for our in-store credit card." Her smile had a hint of malice in it now, like she knew she was irritating him and was loving every second of it.

"Just the books please." He spoke in a final tone and mercifully, she didn't ask him any additonal questions.

"Alright, that will be $43.74, please." Dean slid his debit card through the machine and couldn't walk away fast enough when she handed him his bag and receipt. "Have a lovely day," she said, but Dean barely acknowledged her.

He was attempting to shove the receipt into the bag as he walked up to the exit, clearly not paying any attention to where he was going. If he had been, he would have seen the large display of Twilight books set up close to the front before he barreled into them, knocking the entire set up over. The books crashed to the floor as the life-sized cutouts of the actors were crushed underfoot in his attempts to remain standing.

"Shit!" he yelled, and in seconds, he was surrounded by personnel. Hands helped him up and dusted him off as a very grabby woman asked him if he needed any help overcoming his shock. It was an offer he flatly refused. Clerks began to pick up the wreckage around him and when they tried to stand the cutouts back up into position, Dean noticed the male lead's head dangling to the side. He tried not to laugh. "Sorry about Tinkerbell there." The girl gave him a look of utmost loathing as Dean bent to pick up his bag. After assuring the workers that he was fine and most definitely not going to sue them, he began walking towards the front again, but as he passed the coffee shop, a hunched figure caught his eye.

Dean ducked down low and snuck into the coffee shop, moving to the front desk and ordering a large black coffee. Once he had his drink in hand, Dean found a booth a few tables diagonally from where Cas was sitting and pulled out one of his books, using it to cover most of his face as he observed Cas, trying to decide whether he was going to approach him or not. The decision was made for him.

"If you're going to sit there pretending to read, you may want to make sure your book is right side up first." Cas said, turning his head, smiling slightly at Dean.

"You knew I was here?" Cas cocked an eyebrow.

"It was hard to miss your graceful display of acrobatics just a few feet over."

"You saw that?" Dean asked, bowing his head a bit, looking embarrassed.

"I'm sure everyone did." Cas sighed and pushed the empty barstool out from the table with his foot, "Would you like to join me?" he wondered aloud, and Dean felt a simmering heat spread through his body, nearly tripping over his own feet in an attempt to get to the table as fast as possible. Dean sat down and laid his bag next to Cas' computer. "May I?" Cas asked pointing to his bag, and Dean nodded. Cas pulled the books out and looked at them critically. Dean had a horrible feeling that he had disappointed him somehow. "Are you taking British Literature?" he asked, placing the books back inside the plastic.

"Yeah, it was either that or Journalism, and that's definitely not my thing."

"I thought you had all your English elective credits."

"I'm half a credit behind. My advisor just caught it, and I was able to squeeze into this class last minute."

"I see." Cas looked back up at him as Dean took a large drink of coffee, wishing the air around them wasn't so awkward. "So, how did football tryouts go?" Cas sipped from his cup, and Dean knew that he was drinking Sumatra roast with a bit of Irish Crème added for flavor. He watched Cas' lips release the rim of the lid, and unconsciously licked his own. "Dean?" Cas prompted, and Dean shook his head, looking back up at him.

"Pretty well. Starting tight-end again."

"That's great," Cas said with a genuine smile. "I noticed you're still on track for graduation."

"You broke into my records?" Dean grinned as Cas shrugged sheepishly.

"I might have."

"Why?" Dean inquired, wanting to hear Cas say that it was because he still cared about him, but he was disappointed.

"Your new tutor needed the information," He said, but his eyes told a different story.

"Oh."

"How is it going with…Halle?"

"Holly," Dean corrected immediately before shrugging, "I've had better," he said honestly, and the apples of Cas' cheeks flushed.

"Well, I'm glad she's able to keep you on track." Suddenly, Cas' phone buzzed, and his hand darted out to retrieve it before quietly excusing himself. Dean thought this was odd behavior for Cas, but he understood the moment Cas' voice hit his ears. A horrible feeling settled in the pit of his stomach, and Dean thought he was going to be sick. Dread curled through him, extinguishing the warmth that had claimed him as he sat with Cas. Now, watching Cas' back as he spoke to the person over the phone, he just felt cold and suffocated, like every ice cold breath would be his last.

"Sorry," Cas said finally moving back to the table to sit. "That was…" he stopped, eyeing Dean with concern, "Are you okay?"

"Are you on a date, Cas?" Dean blurted out. He hadn't meant for his tone to be as accusing as it came out. Cas had every right to date, and it was unfair for Dean to react this way, he knew, but the thought of Cas with someone else was just unbearable, and the numb feeling creeping through his veins clouded his judgment. Cas just stared at him silently, and Dean knew he had his answer. He shut his mouth before he could cause more damage and hopped down from his seat, passing Cas without saying a goodbye.

He sighed when he felt a hand lock around the inside of his elbow. He forced himself to look Cas in the eye.

"Dean, please stay. We can talk about this," Cas pleaded, but Dean pulled away as if Cas' touch burned him, which honestly, it did.

"I can't, Cas."

"Dean…"

"Listen, I know I fucked up. This shit between us is my fault, and I'm sorry and I'm…" Dean cleared his throat and blinked ferociously before turning his eyes back up to Cas' pity filled gaze. "I'm glad that you were able to move on and be happy, but I haven't, and I can't look at you knowing that…"

"Castiel?" a male's voice came from behind them, and Cas closed his eyes momentarily.

"I'm so sorry, Dean." Cas whispered, not able to meet his eyes. Dean could feel his throat close off as he walked away, not trusting himself to look back.

**Dean couldn't have been happier to find his apartment empty and a text from Sam confirming that he a Gabriel would be staying away for the night. **He needed time and quiet to clear his thoughts after what had happened at the bookstore that day. He face planted into the couch, burying his face into the cushions, uncaring of the fact that doing so seriously limited the amount of oxygen he was able to take in. His lungs burned, but still he did not move, the pain a welcome distraction from the agony in his mind. His body was numb, nearly unresponsive as he finally turned his head some moments later. When he closed his eyes, he welcomed the darkness like an old friend, surrendering himself to the respite it offered.

**There was a pounding when he awoke, and it took a few disoriented seconds before he figured out that it wasn't all in his head. **He stood and walked to the front door, eyes hazy and sleep deprived, causing his vision to blur. He nearly shut the door on the vision of Cas wearing that fucking trench coat swaying in the breeze.

"Cas, it's like 100 degrees outside. Why the hell do you wear that thing?" Dean asked, not really registering that this was not a dream.

"It makes me feel more comfortable in tense situations," Cas answered him candidly, and Dean nodded.

"Why are you here?" Dean probed, and Cas held up a Barnes and Noble bag in explanation.

"You left this at my table. I was just going to give it to Holly, but I wanted to check up on you." Cas' voice was soft as Dean shut his eyes, leaning against the wooden panel of his door.

"You didn't have to do that, Cas. I'm fine."

"Are you?"

"No!" Dean shot out before he could stop himself. "I mean, yes. Yes, I'm fine. It was just…surprising. Really though, I'm good Cas." Dean could feel Cas' scrutinizing gaze, though Dean refused to raise his eyes to meet it.

"You're sure?"

"Positive," Dean confirmed, and Cas nodded.

"Okay." It sounded a little sad as he began to turn away.

"Is he good to you, Cas?" Dean asked, not really sure why when the answer would only torture him more.

"Yeah," Cas said after a bit, "he's great, actually."

Dean looked at Cas silently before nodding and bringing a hand up and wiping it down his face, hiding the few tears he wasn't able to catch before they fell.

"I'm happy for you." His voice was rough and broken, sounding pathetic to his ears.

"Thank you." It seemed as if Cas had more to say, but he clamped his lips tightly and handed Dean the bag of books.

"Bye, Cas."

"Bye, Dean."

**It shouldn't have happened like this. **

Cas should not have had tears seeping from his clenched eyelids, and Dean should not have been so angry.

They both knew it wasn't right, that they should stop, probably shouldn't have even started. But, it felt good after being without each other for so long, and they needed the contact.

But Dean should have been able to look Cas in the eyes, and Cas shouldn't have his hands balled so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

Even as the sick feeling in his stomach grew, disgusted with himself and the situation, Dean couldn't stop wanting, needing to feel this with Cas. Dean bent over Cas' bowed back and rested his forehead in between his shoulder blades, grinding his teeth against the quiet sobbing sounds Cas was making.

Dean knew Cas was masking the soft cries as best as he could, but Dean knew what it was like to hear Cas at the height of his pleasure, and this was not it. Even so, Dean's hips continued to move, Cas was hard, and Dean couldn't stop.

So he closed his eyes and kept his face hidden in Cas' back until Cas gave a pained sort of groan. Dean felt it when Cas succumbed, and he wanted nothing more than for this just to end. He leaned back and tried to think of anything but Cas' broken breathing below him, and instead, closed his eyes, imagining what it should have been.

Imagining Cas not on his knees with his face shoved in a pillow because Dean was too ashamed to look at him. Imagining loving kisses and questing hands, not the impersonal way Dean's hands clenched around his hips and definitely not with Cas refusing to touch him.

Dean wouldn't find his release with a broken moan, held back by fear, but with a satisfied sigh, Cas' name on his lips.

And Dean would not have pulled away so quickly that Cas bucked and cried out, falling a second later onto the bed, head resting on his hands and a lost look in his eyes. Dean would have known what to say, should have wanted to hold Cas and promise him the world, but instead, he felt vaguely sick and his head was pounding.

Dean wanted to reach out to touch Cas, find some way to comfort him, but he couldn't. They sat in silence until Cas began shuffling around the room for his clothes. Dean shut his eyes and bowed his head, not having any words, even though he was silently begging Cas to stay.

It should not have been like this, but it was.

Cas should not have wanted to leave.

And Dean certainly would not have let him.

* * *

**AN: So, this story is going to be much, much longer than I thought. I hope that doesn't discourage you all too much. **** thank you, thank you for reading. **


	16. I'm Okay, I Promise

**AN: Okay, so remember that thing I said about this story being much longer than I thought? Well, I lied. Oops. This is the end. Also, I just wanted to let you know that it's totally my intention to depress you as much as possible. Kidding. Kind of.**

**As always, the biggest thanks ever to Libranfate for being sticking with me and not letting me rush this. Also, he's an absolutely BRILLIANT writer and has posted a story entitled My December to his profile. Everyone should go check it out and give him lots of love and reviews (and encourage him to write more NOW!)**

**Epilogue- I'm Okay, I Promise**

**Cas' eyes were assaulted by the bright light of the Californian sun as he exited the airport through the double doors, out into the sweltering west-coast heat.** He stepped onto the platform and tried to take in his surroundings, but there was just so much to see. The airport in Kansas was modest and uncluttered, but here at LAX, it was a complete culture shock. Thousands of people mingled, running this way and that, filling the shops, which Cas noticed were much more upscale than in Kansas. The most interesting thing in KCI was the Cinnabon shop, where they made Cinnamon Rolls the size of basketballs, but here, there were Louis Vuitton shops around every corner and Christian Louboutin boutiques as prevalent as McDonald's. He joined the throng of people waiting for the shuttle bus that would take him to the station. From there, he would transfer shuttles that would ultimately drop him off at the hub where Sam and Gabriel would be waiting to take him home.

He was excited to see his friends again, but the decision to move out here had not been an easy one.

Almost immediately after meeting Sam, Cas found himself drawn to him in ways that he'd never been with another person. It wasn't a sexual attraction, though Sam was by normal standards 'super-hot', and Cas had appreciated that fact, but wasn't distracted by it. He connected with Sam intellectually and was able to have conversations with him that he'd never been able to have with anyone else. Sam was an endless support system for Cas while he and Dean were going through their…was it even a break-up? It seemed to Cas like it was more of a dissolution of something that was never given a fair shot to flourish.

He hadn't even been able to tell Dean that he loved him before he was ripped away, lost to something Cas couldn't have prevented, even if Dean had confided within him. Cas unthinkingly picked at the bracelet around his wrist, fingering the leather between his thumb and forefinger as he thought of Dean. He had convinced himself that moving to California for grad school wasn't running, that he was just searching for new opportunities. He had managed to keep this up until Sam had called him on it, of course. That kid was just way too perceptive for his own good.

Sam had been happy for Cas when he'd applied to the graduate program at Berkeley, but he couldn't mistake the confusion for anything other than what it was. Calmly, Cas told Sam that Kansas was too stifling and that he needed a change. Sam had hesitated, and Cas knew that there was so much he wanted to say, but he had refrained, asking only if Cas was planning on telling Dean. Cas had gotten quiet then and told Sam that he hadn't spoken to Dean since January, which was a complete untruth, but he wasn't about to open that can of worms with Sam.

The truth was, Cas had more than spoken to Dean since January. After the incident at the bookstore, he'd ended up on Dean's porch, standing there under the pretense of returning some books Dean had left on the table when Cas' lab partner had shown up. Dean hadn't given him a chance to explain that it really wasn't what it looked like.

Cas had wanted to explain, but one look into Dean's eyes told him that Dean had already made his mind up about what was going on, and no excuse Cas could have given him would have changed that assumption. Cas thought Dean was just looking for any reason to be angry and blame something other than himself for the floundering of their budding relationship. Cas took it a step further by playing into Dean's questions about whether this new guy was treating Cas alright and if he was happy with him.

Cas had wanted to see the hurt in Dean's eyes, needed the affirmation that he wasn't the only one absolutely destroyed by what had happened between them. But amidst the decimation in Dean's gaze, Cas also saw the fury, and it egged him on. He goaded Dean by adding an almost flippant tone to his goodbye and wasn't surprised when Dean grabbed him by the collar of his coat and dragged him back inside.

They were naked before they even reached the top of the stairs.

Cas shut his eyes against the memory. He'd thought in that moment that he wanted it and that Dean did too, but it couldn't have been more of the opposite. The act left Cas feeling dirty and used, even though he knew Dean had never meant for him to feel that way. Dean had many flaws, but he wasn't malicious, and he wasn't abusive and even if it was never spoken, Cas knew Dean loved him. As shitty as their situation was, Cas never doubted that for a second, not even with his head shoved into a pillow and tears streaming down his face did he doubt. He knew Dean loved him, was being as gentle with him as possible, given the tumultuous emotions that were playing out between them. Dean had been angry, furious, and frustrated while Cas had been despondent and devastated, and it was no surprise that those emotions had come out in what should have been such an intimate moment.

Cas opened his eyes and looked up at the blue, blue sky and sighed. It hurt to leave Dean behind, but he knew that it was best for the both of them. Cas was absolutely sure that he would be unable to find any sort of peace if he knew how easy it would be to just go to Dean. He needed space, separation from that which had turned him into something that he didn't even recognize. For all his loneliness, Cas had always been amiable, friendly to most, and eager to help, but since losing Dean, he'd lost sight of himself, and he was determined to pull the shreds of himself back together.

Breathing in deeply, he dropped his hand from his wrist and looked to the side where the bus was beginning to load. With a small smile, he shouldered his bag, convinced for the first time that he was going to be okay.

**AN: This is the end. But, don't worry. I'm totally making a sequel. It's developing now, keep an eye out friends. Thank you so much for sharing this experience with me. See you all soon!**


	17. Sequel UpdateExcerpt

**Hi guys! It's been forever, hasn't it?**

I just wanted to stop by and give you a quick update on the sequel.

Now, I don't mean to upset you or anything, but it's a very, very long way from being finished.

Before you get your panties in a bunch, that doesn't mean I'm not going to post anything, it just simply means that I'm taking a very, very, very long time with this one.

I'm sure I've killed my beta to death with the re-writes too. By the way, while you guys are waiting, you should sneak over to Libranfate's profile and read his story 'My December'. It's super awesome! Also, (and I'm not sure if I'm popular enough to bribe you like this or not but I'm gonna do it anyway) I'll post the sequel faster if he gets tons of review from you guys.

Otherwise, stay tuned. Your wait will be over soon...ish!

Meanwhile, here's an excerpt of the sequel from Dean's point of view. Enjoy!

**Dean**

The road stretched out bare and gray before him and to Dean, there wasn't a sight more comforting. He was leaving, getting out before he had the chance to do something really stupid. He refused to think about the fact that he was continually running from his problems. He liked to think that he wasn't avoiding them, but just putting them on the backburner until he was more adept at dealing with them.

_No, that's not avoidance at all. _

His conscious sarcastically reminded him. He rolled his eyes at his thoughts and pulled out his cell to call Sam. He was a day early, but he knew his brother would be more than excited to hear from him. Sam was his only constant in this world and he would understand if Dean needed to come out sooner than anticipated. He knew it.

"Hey Sammy!" Dean's voice was too happy and sounded fake even to his ears.

"Hey. What's up?" Sam was too nice to call him out on it, but Dean could tell from Sam's tone that he was surprised by the falseness in Dean's voice.

"Just uh… wanted to know if I could come out a bit early, that's all."

"You're already on the road aren't you?"

"I'm fifty miles from the Colorado boarder."

"Great." Sam said and Dean was kind of taken aback at the irritation in Sam's tone.

"Listen, I can hold up in a hotel or something if you've got big plans or…" Dean began but Sam cut him off.

"No, it's fine. It's only one day. It's just…never mind."

"What is it, Sam?"

"It's nothing, Dean. Just a mess I need to clean up before you get here." He said.

"Uh-huh. Well, if you've got something going on, it's fine. I can…"

"Dean! It's okay. I'll see you in a few days, okay? Have a safe drive."

"I'll try. And Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Yeah."

Then he was gone. Dean looked down at his phone for a moment before tossing it onto the seat next to him. That was beyond weird. There was definitely something up that Sam wasn't letting him in on. He had expected Sam to be a little thrown by his declaration, but he hadn't expected him to sound so frustrated at the prospect. Then it hit him. Sammy must have found himself a boyfriend. The thought made Dean smile. His brother needed someone. Gabriel had fucked him over royally and Sam had been wallowing in his misery for nearly a year. It was time he moved on. This time though, Dean was determined to be a good big brother and use his veto powers if he found that this guy wasn't good enough for Sam. Dean grinned, secure in his assumption. He didn't know why Sam was so reluctant to tell him what was going on, but he shrugged it off as one of Sam's 'things'. Sometimes, it was better to just let Sam be Sam and deal with the consequences later.

* * *

**I'd love to know what you guys think is going to happen. This story isn't going to be as light as the last, so get ready for some serious angsty goodness!**


	18. It's Here

**The time for sequels is nigh.**

**Ready, Fire, Aim is all uploaded for you to enjoy.**


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